A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hello to everyone. i need some advice ASAP my daughter is only 15 she is now crazy about her bf who is only 18 years old and know nothing but only to smoke and drink. my daughter is now on he first stage of university but she is getting crazy now about her bf. im trying my best to tell her that this is not yet the right time to take this relationship very serious. but she never believe me. sometimes i have a feeling im getting tired of pleasing, talking, supporting her because she is really hard headed. she even scape on her school because of that. im working hard for her and she dont understand how much hard it is to work only for her and she is wasting that. sometimes i was thinking to let her go. to let her do what she wanna do but i will never support her. i have enough trouble in my whole life since i have of what they called dysfunctional family. she know how much her grand parents treated me. i tell her many times how hard my life is but she put it on the left ears and go straight out to the right ears.i wanna be honest im started to get tired and thinking of letting her go and make her own life by herself. i need a healthy life, i want a healthy living which i know my husband can give me. its not her father but he is nice. im just keeping working for the sake of my daughter. and i wont stop until she finish her studies. but the problem is i dont see that she is doing k now on her school and that makes me tired she dont appriciate to what i am doing for her. please give some advice i need some advice asap. thank you so much to all of you
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 It's a rare teen-ager who truly appreciates all the effort parents make or the chances s/he misses. Many teen-agers don't really have a clue of what the real world is like. They think they don't have to work hard to carry on. And then, even as an adult, I have lost it over a woman or two, and I have certainly put off work because I wanted to be with someone, damn it.
That said, I'm old enough to know that some children take better advantage of the things and opportunities they get from their parents. This is an oversimplification, but the nerdy guy will learn his lessons with little effort and surveillance, and the stud will have a hard time learning something other than how to impress his girl. Sometimes parents do have to be wise to know whether it's worth to spend the money or do an effort on a particular child. You pay the same music lessons for Johnny and Mary and a month later Mary plays the guitar while Johnny has trouble showing up at music school. Maybe this is your case with your daughter.
I think, however, that you should try to continue to give your daughter the best opportunities you can. I see you live in Malaysia. I live in Latin America. We can only wish our children were as hard-working as yours. Of course there are differences, and an individual Latin American might just work harder than an individual Malaysian, but usually you beat us all the time. Which means that yours is a society with fierce competition. She's only fifteen and perhaps we can excuse her a bit if she doesn't think right and doesn't see what she could be missing.
Maybe trying to talk sense into her would work?
You could end up feeling sorry for giving up on your daugther. I don't know what your social conventions are regarding adulthood, but, when the moment of adulthood comes, let her "scratch her itches with her own fingernails", as my father used to say. Then she will learn, and she will learn better. And she won't be able to blame you. I think this is important, not so much to have a happy conscience, but to make your daughter understand that she made decisions that affected her future, and has no one to blame for them.
All the best.
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