A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is mega flirty with girls via text. He's never cheated and I don't think he's the type but it still makes me very uncomfortable, especially as most include sexual flirting such as "Oh, we could have some fun with an empty house ;)". What do you think? Do I give him a break?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 I'd be uncomfortable too. Either he has feelings for you or he doesn't. Either he wants to give you 100% of his interest or he doesn't. If he has you in his life, what use does he have telling other women via text that he'd love to be in an empty room with them??That is a serious red flag if he needs that kind of validation for himself, because in time, if he's not already, he'll need more than text flirts. This is more than insecurity, and you will be setting yourself up for pain.Ask him how he would feel if you said things like that to other guys via text? I'm guessing that he would be even less appreciative of you doing it than you are of his doing it. That is, unless he's not that into you. In that case, you're much better off without him.A good rule in a relationship is, don't do or say anything with someone else that you wouldn't like your significant other to do with someone else as well. That usually cuts through the gray areas, bullshit, and justification, don't you think?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): How do you know what's in the text is he telling you or are you checking his phone?A little light flirting is OK, if he is carrying on like he is touting for business then it's not, you have every right to tell him to pack it in.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob +, writes (13 March 2011):
 If he's aware, that your aware of his texting indiscretions, he's clearly showing that he has NO respect for you. He sounds as though he's not mature enough for an exclusive relationship. A horny little adolescent, if you will. You ask if you should "give him a break".Absolutely NOT! If he doesn't stop this kind of behavior now, knowing that you are aware of this. You are, in fact,"giving him permission" to continue to disrespect you, and possibly escalate this poor behavior in the future.If you have any self respect at all left, give him this ultimatum.You can either stop this behavior, or, you can continue.However, if you continue, you can continue without me!You know you deserve better treatment than this.So either you, lay down the law, or kick his sorry little adolescent ass, out of your life NOW!You'll be a much happier person for it!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 How long have you been with him, and has this been going on since the start of the relationship? If you're still early in then you got to tell him that this makes you uncomfortable. He's in a relationship now, and while harmless flirts are ok, he should show you some respect by not flirting excessively. Talk about this and see if you can't come to an agreement. I don't think it's asking for too much that he takes it down a notch and reminds himself that he's got a girlfriend now.
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