A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and I have a pretty big problem. The thing is, I've been way too obsessed with the desire to have sex that it's really frustrating me lately. I come from a very conservative family but I've been hooked on pornography for about half a year now. I don't have a boyfriend which makes it even more difficult for me because there is no one to fulfill my desires. Part of me tells me to wait and save it for 'the one' and part of me is dying to come out of this cage and just do it. I'm just really desperate to experience what it's like to have sex. I find myself constantly thinking about it and I think it's really unhealthy to be in this position. I do masturbate occasionally but it's not enough, I want to feel the real deal. How do I deal with this?p/s: Please do not judge me too quickly because this is a serious issue.
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male
reader, open minded  +, writes (30 December 2009):
 well... its nothing you can do about yours desires and its up to you how you handle it you should make sure you dont cloud yourself with wanting something you never had porn is just advertisement and i watch it too but by you being a female you have to be more aware of your way to relieve yourself and how just make sure you use all your options an dont rush yourself into a worst situation over a bad!
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Your desires are perfectly normal. At about your age, you are supposed to want a man to satisfy you. You have an insatiable "itch" down there, don't you? You think that you need a man's penis to satisfy it. You want it, and yes, the right man may as least temporarily satisfy that itch for you.
Well, this is simply science. Physiologically, you are a young woman experiencing all the normal urges that come with gaining maturity.
It's normal, natural and wonderful, but the problem is that succumbing to these urges at your age may have serious consequences. Nature (or God, depending on your beliefs) has designed that you will have these needs and desires so that you will procreate (make babies), but at your age, that would probably not be a good idea.
So, in order to avoid making a serious mistake, nature also provides the alternative of masturbation, which does not quite satisfy but helps. Then at some point, there are other sexual activities that may fully satisfy with no serious consequences, such as mutual masturbation with a man and oral sex. But these enjoyments should be shared with someone who really cares about you, so proceed cautiously. Until then, masturbate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Don't have sex with someone to whom you are not committed. That game is stupid, pointless, fleetingly pleasurable at best, destroys your self-confidence, self-concept, self-esteem, and is only desired because what you really desire is a man who will love you and be with you permenantly. That's why romance movies are so cool. And guys like them, too. Deep, deep, inside, where many have never explored.Masturbation is fine, since you are not creating a sexual bond with anyone or anything. But I would advise against doing it compulsively. If you feel like you need to do it all the time, that is probably an indication of some underlying problem, such as depression caused by loneliness. Go out and make friends instead.Pornography is pretty stupid, usually exploitative, completely unrealistic, and hurts your concept of intimacy. I advise you stop looking at it.One more thing. Being a virgin makes you a lot more desirable to most men. It's just cool that you have never been with anyone before, and it's good that you save it for marriage. I mean, you can tell it's good just by thinking about it, right? It is very special to be the only person that your partner has ever had. Personally, I made the mistake of losing my virginity. I was naive and thought she would love me forever. I was stupid, and she broke my heart. Don't make that mistake. When you are ready, find a good, moral, stable man. And be careful. A lot of people do not understand intimacy, many of them because they have been promiscuous and have hurt their ability to bond. Marriage. That's what you REALLY want.That might sound like old-fashioned advice. But it's also good and true advice.
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A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (29 December 2009):
 I was in the same boat at your age. I'm 20 now soon to be 21, but I lost it when I was 17 instead of waiting. (The guy was nice, but I didnt really like him. He was good in bed, but I kept thinking I got more pleasure from masturbating anyway and that I should have just waited) Now I'm in a very permanent, wonderful relationship, but it sucks to not be able to share that with someone that means so much.I often tell him that I should have waited for him and he wishes he could have been my one and only. I would say the best way for you to deal with this, is masturbate more often, and maybe invest in a small vibrator that you can use on your clit. Its not the best thing to be addicted to porn, but I can't say that I wasn't at that age either. Just make sure to tone it down when you do find that someone. I hope that helped and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): It may feel like it but, no one has ever died of horniness.
Is this intense desire because of your religious/conservative homelife/upbringing ?? OR is it just more normal 16 yoa female hormones?? Or because "all" your friends are engaging in sex??
Answer those questions first. And while you are figuring out your sexuality, masturbating isn't going to hurt. It will help you explore all of the physical sensations while you are figuring out the mental-emotional aspects of this burning desire to have sex.
You will be sharing the very core of yourself with a male and he will be sharing his core with you. It's best to fully understand your core being first.
It will be messy, awkward, uncomfortable,probably rushed, and not as pleasurable as you are thinking it will be right now. It will become better and more pleasurable in time but never as great and wonderful at first as you may have built it up in your mind.
And when you do, B.E. S.A.F.E !! (you owe yourself that much!)
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A
female
reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (29 December 2009):
Don't have sex for the sake of simply having sex because it'll take a toll on you later when you finally meet someone that you want to share that intimate moment with. It is probably very frustrating for you. Try to stop watching porn because it's just going to make you more curious so it doesn't help you with this issue that you're having. Try to find a hobby, play a sport, or go to a gym so the time spent watching porn or masturbating could slowly be minimized. Working out is a good way to relieve some of the sexual tension. Don't have a boyfriend simply because you want to try out your desire because in the long run you won't feel so good about it. Good sex is both mental and physical but the mental part is very important so you should be having it with someone special and meaningful to you. If you've masturbated and had orgasms then the feeling is similar except with a partner you're not doing the work if your partner is penetrating you. However, not everyone can have an orgasm even with a partner through penetration so it's not as crazy as you're imagining sex is. Sometimes it'll take fingering or oral sex from one partner to help the other person achieve and orgasmic moment. When having sex with someone that you're not connecting with mentally, you might not even feel good and it might even hurt because you're not turned on. Don't rush into this if you truly want to know what sex is, wait until you meet someone special. Masturbation is not abnormal so don't think there's an issue because some people that are sexually active end up masturbating to get to the orgasmic moment that the actual penetration did not achieved. However, if you do decide to have sex, regardless of your reasoning, then do it safely and use protection. Good Luck! :-)
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