A
female
age
36-40,
*aranoid_sistah
writes:I have a suspicion there is something more than normal going on between my sister(22) and our uncle (36). This suspicion is shared by a handful of other people close to both me and my sister.My biggest concern is the fact they are sharing a bed and have been living together for two years. He controls her money and her decisions. Whenever she comes crying to me with her problems it disturbs me because they're the kind of problems you have in an intimate relationship. They are in constant contact whenever they are apart and calls are answered in private. Lately he's been trying to convince her that she doesn't need family especially me and is planning a move to Australia with her.I should stop here before it gets long winded. People what do you think, I want to think I'm being stupid. I don't know what I should do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Why is your sister living with your uncle? How did that living arrangement get started? I think you are right to suspect that they are having a sexual relationship? But have you actually asked your sister if she is having sex with your uncle? If so, what did she say?
I also do not understand why she's living with him in the first place. It doesn't make sense why a woman her age should live with a relative. Why doesn't she live with you instead?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Hello? They share a bed. Yeah, there's something going on. However, they are both adults, and even if it is a little creepy, it appears to be consensual. The age difference is not that big a deal, the fact that he's her uncle is. I don't think this is illegal, so you probably can't do much about it, other than convince your sister that this is incredibly self-destructive. But she is an adult, and that makes her responsible for her own decisions.
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A
female
reader, paranoid_sistah +, writes (3 February 2009):
paranoid_sistah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. I don't know why I've kept this to myself, your absolutly right I do need to take this issue to the family.
I get the feeling uncles trying to get rid of me. He sympathized (yeahright) with my desire to see my mother so he rings me out of the blue and shouted me a trip, he even flew down with me and left 2 days later telling me to call him when i was ready to come home. Instead he's humming and haa'ing.
So I've bought a ticket home with money I don't have and the bills take a backseat this week.
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright +, writes (3 February 2009):
Yeah, you have to do something man. Even if you're wrong, you can't take that chance. You sound like a caring brother, so I'm sure you will find some way to help.
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A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I dont think you are being stupid. I can understand and see a real concern here. It does seem like the relationship is appropriate at all. The problem isnt the age, its the fact their related and possibly being intimate and that he is making her leave her family. The problem that you must know is that when a person (especially a women) is being controlled by a man, they are not likely to see the reality of what is going on. When a ONE person becomes another persons EVERYTHING, they do not want to lose that because they feel they will have nothing. I am letting you know that as her sister you have a right and responsibility to try to help her. It just might be a difficult task if she feel devoted, obligated, and "blinded".
I think this is a fight you can not do alone, you are going to need the support of your family, and friends. Good luck and remember that you have innate intuition. Listen to it, it is usually dead on!
~dee
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A
male
reader, king_spur +, writes (3 February 2009):
I believe you should not allow her to go with him there who knows what is going on there
a possibility is that you go out one day with her and have a talk with her but make sure she feels comfortable telling you and reassure her that everything will be ok.
If they are having a relationship you should probably let all of the family in on it.
The said truth is that its possible that she is pressured to do certain things but on other hand its possible they are both comfortable with it.
But even so that is a pretty big age difference for any relationship.
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