A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Last weekend I visited a man I have been seeing for a year or so. He says "i love you" every time we talk. Always kind, considerate. So last weekend, in the course of two days, I heard, "does someone have a saggy butt" "you eat with such gusto" "when you wear your hair down you look like an older woman trying to look younger" I especially loved, "last year you didn't have any wrinkles" He flirted outrageously with a woman we met, one night he got up and slept in the guest room (the sex with us is better than great) He took the dinner napkin away from me and used it. didn't say one word.What else? No kidding, for the entire last year, it's been roses, gifts, love letters, jewelry. No gifts that weekend come to think of it. I'm sure he is dumping me, but why so cruel? Oh yeah, that weekend he also asked me to visit his parents with him in Fla. soon. I feel so much pain and confusion. why the mean, mean comments? I need all the help I can get, and on my mothers grave, this is all true. Mary
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Birdy's advice is right on the money! Mary, I am sorry about your confusion and hurt, hun. Not sure why it was stated you wnated to 'see him again' because to me, it appears you clearly are seeing the writing on the wall. What I did read from your posting is you want thoughts, input, opinions as to achieve a clear understanding of 'why he's done this?' This is the beginning of your grieving process and we really can't help you with that, Mary...because we don't know why. But behaviors are speaking volumes here,. For him to go from loving to intolerant like this...it's clear that something has changed his feelings for you. And I know it hurts to hear that, Mary. But even among the most feeling-driven of people, common sense and clear thinking must evaluate what the heart wants. You could tell him you are ending this relationship based on his slurs. and unloving words/behaviors. Sweety, I think there are many of us females that feel deep sorrow for what you are enduring. I went through this same journey as you did...a long time ago. I can only tell you what I did. I dumped him flat on his butt. I was pissed off and that indignity gave me strength. Maybe instead of being passively hurt, you should see the reality here and voice your outrage at the way he treated you. Don't allow you emotions to weaken you. If you can see this , rationally, for what is truely is, find some strength and refuse to ever allow this man to do this again. So may I suggest that the next time you visit him would be only too tell him, you will not tolerate any more of his crap and kick his butt to the curb. At least you walk away with some pride. Do not see him nor get in touch with him. afterwards. You will need love and support from caring friends and family to help you. But take some time to heal , recover and get through this, hun. My heart is with you, sweety...take care
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 I suspect that you are right, so why not dump him first?
You certainly don't need any more of that...
I would send him a lovely bunch of roses with a note of your choice - "It was fun while it lasted" - and let him know that you are over him. Walk away with dignity and find someone better. Whatever it was that drove him to be such a horse's ass isn't going to make you feel any better if you find out. Sometimes the answers just bring worse, more hurtful questions that just run around inside your head and are more painful than cathartic. Sometimes the answers don't bring any closure at all. If you already know that the writing is on the wall, leave him. You deserve to be treated with respect, not bullied and treated cruelly. The best revenge is living well, so find someone who loves you the way that you deserve to be loved.
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