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I'm still having a tough time moving on from my previous relationship!

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2016) 18 Answers - (Newest, 11 May 2016)
A male Canada age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I posted something a couple of months ago about my now defunct seven year relationship with this woman that started out as as a FWB arrangement, but progressed into a relationship.

My social life has been packed to to hilt with activities in order to distract my mind, and I've met some amazing women on dating sites, and went out with several of them. There are about three women with whom I have great chemistry, and I have been seeing them. I should feel really good because apparently I am a hot commodity on the site; I get a lot of compliments about my youthful and athletic looks, not to mention the content of my profile..... all good!! There are about five additional women who really want to meet me in person, and the feeling is mutual.

So why am I still stuck on my ex?? Women are clamoring to go out with me, and I'm talking classy attractive women with blonde hair and perfect teeth, not to mention great careers! All of them (they all look alike by the way, must be my taste)

However, something happened recently that kicked me down a couple of notches again. My ex who insisted that I forget about her and move on recently sent me a text out of the blue asking if she could come over and "talk". I didn't respond right away and I think it made her furious. But I haven't heard from her in weeks before that. Did she text me for a "booty call"? It was strange...

She also recently approached me in at the gym after I noticed her looking at me from the corner of her eyes. She came over and was very nice and struck up a pretty long conversation, She was lingering around and was eating up my compliments. What really got me was that "look" she had in her eyes, that slightly coy and charming look from when we used to date. No plans were made tho.

Why did she do this, especially after all the things she said about me having to move on? She's been so cold but I'm feeling her presence again in a stealthy manner. She will appear and mess with my head and then disappear again....

What's going on?

View related questions: move on, my ex, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntBlock her from your phone, social media and all other ways for her to contact her. Then forget about her and move on. If she does anything out of boundaries then contact the police and tell them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

aunt honesty....I am over her... trust me. I'm crazy about this new girl I'm seeing; it feels like we are in high school again.....not only is she drop dead gorgeous, but she is very sweet, caring, and affectionate. I have to pinch myself to see if this isn't a dream.

Again, per my previous post, I am concerned with my ex's behavior. I feel like I'm being stalked and I don't have a good feeling about this. Why doesn't she just leave me alone and move on like she advised me to do? Her behavior is unbefitting based on what I know about her character, and I think she's going to try and sabotage me somehow. She's up to something......and it's not good.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntThe thing with women like this, is that when they realize they cannot have what they want it is like a game to them, I bet if you where to be single in the morning she would leave you alone because she would then have lost the thrill.

Are you sure you are over her completely? From the sound of things you are still wondering what if?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your encouragement and advice.

I'm remaining strong and not acquiescing to her overtures. The only thing that confounds me is how a once seemingly indifferent and stuck up woman who discarded me has now done a complete 180. I feel like I'm being stalked sometimes.

Thanks

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (9 May 2016):

I am really happy for you. Please ensure you share contact your ex tries to have with your new love, to present a united front, and tell her to jog on! She just wants what she cant have....you were heartbroken - she is having a dose of karma

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntSimple answer is she is jealous that you have found someone else and you are happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

***update***

I have moved on and I'm seeing and absolutely beautiful, sweet, and lovely girl; we're crazy about each other and we make an awesome couple! Not to sound shallow, but when we walk hand in hand in public people look and stare because our chemistry together is so radiant for lack of a better word.

At the same time, the ex who broke things off and said that we should move on is now trying to get back into the picture in her usual covert ways. Blocking doesn't help because there are ways to get around it. She's now laying some guilt trip on me by intimating that I'm a philanderer, and this doesn't make any sense since she claims to have moved on, but this apparently is not the case.

I'm not going to compromise what I have with my new girlfriend whom I totally adore in every way. It's just odd that this aloof ex who never treated me like a priority is now saying some hurtful things just because I hurt her. Truth be told, I never thought she had any feelings to begin with.

Why is my ex who treated me like a toy now trying to mess with me?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 April 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYes it could be that she wants sex from you, but do not let her in again, as feelings will rise and you will only end up back at square one. The best thing for you to do is not respond to her and tell her that you have moved on from him. Don't give her the attention that she wants.

As for you seeing other women and moving on, well good for you, hopefully you will soon be completely over your ex and you meet a woman that wants the same thing as you. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Aunt honesty & Miss Frank

Yes, unfortunately to my own detriment, I did respond to her texts albeit after a day or two and not right away like some desperate ex.

She has been reaching out here and there with tacit overtures, and I know that she's still interested in sleeping with me, since that's what our common ground was for seven plus year. I can tell that she did get jealous either seeing me out with a very attractive woman, or having spotted someone else's car in my driveway. Her sending me a racy photo of herself the other day is totally out of character....totally! She's classy and very uppity and doesn't resort to this type of texting.

Just so you know, I have been seeing other women, and very attractive, kind, sweet, and successful women at that. I'm hitting it off with two of them. There are more in the pipeline so to speak; it's overwhelming because it's hard to choose! This attractive woman from across the state wants to make a 200 mile trek my way just to come see me....lol! She's actually seeing some friends south of me, but she want to stop on the way...crazy!! I met another attractive and all around fun lady last night, and she's blowing up my phone with texting.

The feeling that I'm getting is that my ex is coming to the realization that I'm doing really well in the dating realm; I've alway been a flirt and I know that she's seen my profile. She wants me for sex, but not a relationship - why else did she ask to come over to my house and talk out of the blue a month ago?

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2016):

Hello again...aunt honesty is right in afraid. She is being really insensitive and thoughtless. Unless its a real reach- like I miss you sp much and I've made such a mistake, you really need to get on with your life. Are you responding to any of these texts?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (8 April 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIt's not odd behavior at all, it is the behavior of a woman who doesn't want you, but also who likes the attention from you. She doesn't want you to be with anyone else, but she also is just using you for her own benefit and to make herself feel good.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2016):

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****update***

She has been texting me here and there, and she even texted me late at night when I was out on a date and tried to call me! A couple of days later she wanted to know who I was sleeping with.

She even sent a pretty racy pic of herself the other day, something that's totally out of character for her...totally! But she's back to playing her disappearing and "push and pull" game again. Odd behavior for a mature woman who told me to "move on"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@ Miss Frank....thank you kindly for your nice comment. Those two short paragraphs you wrote opened my eyes big time from this hazy fog I've been in lately. : )

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntMaybe you are just not ready to be out dating again. You still have feelings for your ex, and am sure all these other women you are comparing to her and making yourself feel even worse. I think you should be alone for a while and concentrate on getting over your ex, that means no contact, change your gym, get a new phone number, or block her from being able to contact you, its time to finally put it to bed. She told you to move on, so listen to her. It sounds like she is messing with your head with the mixed signals, she probably just wanted her ego boosted.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2016):

Female Anon here. I understand OP. It's because you cannot replace her. Nobody will ever measure up because you are stuck on her and the way she made you feel about yourself. Women are not easily replaceable or interchangeable as you have seen from your own experience.

Maybe you could be bold? Go out on a limb and ask your ex point blank if she wants to give it another try? Then you might have better closure to be able to move on? But even then it will be difficult.

I am a firm believer in lightning only striking once and the rest are just mediocre.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to replace her and never succeed.

I know for a fact that if I lost my current boyfriend ( we also started as FWB 3 years ago) I would never, ever in a million lifetimes be able to find anyone who Is more perfect for me... ESPECIALLY sexually. The chemistry is out of this world and like no other. And the SEX.. Well, I will never have a better sexual partner in my whole life. I'd bet my life on it.

I think it may have something to do with the intense physical chemistry which was always there if you began as FWB. It is so difficult to extinguish that pure, raw and animalistic chemistry you both share. And I suspect she still feels it too at this point.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@female reader - yes, the sex was very, good but I also miss her company, her look, etc. She showered me with a lot of affection and it meant a lot coming from her.

It's weird because with me out there socializing and meeting new women, I also find myself missing her more; I thought the opposite would be the case.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2016):

My guess would be that the SEX from that relationship was pretty damned good and you miss it and will always miss it.

Often it can be difficult to replace the fireworks with other people EVEN if they are attractive and there is some chemistry.

Seems to me that you are never going to find the sexual match you had in your ex.

And you know it.

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2016):

Oh my good man...she is lonely and wants her ego massaged...nothing more. She is being very selfish and self absorbed, and disrespectful to you. She's been clear for you to move on- why are you both going to the same gym even? Go out with these other women, enjoy it, join another gym and cut all contact. She draws comfort from knowing you are still there for her should she choose you to be...which she isn't choosing.

Time to cut the tie to her - you sound like you are a hot potato on the dating site! Don't look back in a few years and regret not moving forward from her, being older and not having the choices you do right now

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