A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so jealous about his ex. He was in a long distance relationship with her when we first met. Then he met me and we just clicked. He decided that we are a better match and finally he broke up with her. Before we started dating before he broke up with her, I watched him dating her and heard some stories about them. I think I know too much about them, even some sexual things. And it is giving me a hard time now because I started to compare myself to her. And these days I don't even get excited when he wants to have sex because of what I know about what they did. Everything he does makes me think about their relationship. I even wonder if he did the same for her when he does something for me. To be honest I don't have so much experience with men. It makes me feel bad he had all the "first"s with her.
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broke up, his ex, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, happylife +, writes (8 January 2015):
I can totally relate to the way you feel. Learning so much about your partner's past is never a good thing. However, the only difference between him and your next boyfriend (should you move on) is simply the details that you will know about their past. The next one may have an even worse past with more partners but if simply not knowing anything about his past would make you feel that much better than you may move on. However, with time, you will eventually stop thinking about his past with his ex and I can assure you that the day will come when his past won't matter at all to you. Unless you were to find a virgin, everybody is going to have a similar past with someone else. Also, a virgin may be just as equally disgusted about your past since you have also been with another man. The bottom line is that you cannot find the perfect person out there. If all that disgusts you about your partner is his past, then at least all your problems in your relationship are in the past.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (8 January 2015):
This is very common and is called retroactive jealousy. It is particularly common with younger, more inexperienced men and women. We see it here frequently.
So now you know you are not alone. You must also know that it harms relationships and people. It harms you because you are tormenting yourself over something that can't be changed. It harms him because it punishes him for something, when he has done nothing wrong.
As you get older and wiser, you will realize that EVERYONE has a past. And the older you get, the more previous partners a potential mate will have.
My husband and I have both had many previous partners. Neither of us is bothered by it, and we have shared details. All of those experiences helped shape him into the man I love.
You have to get past this using logic. It may be that it takes several relationships and years of emotional growth for you to do so. Please, though, make sure you aren't nagging him over something that is in his past, because it will kill your relationship eventually.
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