A
female
age
36-40,
*ailey J
writes:Hello some of you may remember me as I have posted a few questions before. Me and my boyfriend have been through a rough year, to the point where I thought I didn’t love him anymore. Well after a lot of talks we decided to be together as we are very much in love despite of the past. I lost my son Bailey John when I was 6 months pregnant to a rare genetic disorder and a heart defect disorder. This has changed my life and I have just come to terms that things happen for a reason. Well me and my boyfriend have discussed trying for another baby… I so much want to be a mother and my partner is over the moon that I have finally said yes to try again. If I do try again but I’m scared. Will I be betraying my sons memory? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (30 March 2007):
 You answered my question earlier and it helped so now its my turn to re pay the favour take your own advice realise how much more life there is to still be had. Your Son Bailey like my lost children are all up in Heaven and just like mine he wouldn't want to see you like this. You and your partner obviously have a lot more love to give. Cherish the few memories you had of Bailey the first and second scans when you found out he was a boy the time he first kicked. I know the ache the mother can feel for another baby after losing a child.I like the others must express that you need the correct counseling and support and no one judges you. I don't feel like you'd be betraying your son in fact i think the opposite by moving on you will allow him to rest peacefully and happily knowing that you are sad may not be allowing him to rest as peacefully as he wants to.I hope I've helped you in a small way like you helped me good luck and take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (30 March 2007):
Bailey J is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have changed my mind on a lot of things, this is true but i have been one hell of a road... my head has been so messed up... i thought my heart was breaking... i'm only asking if having another baby will somehow be like pushing Bailey out and i dont want that... please dont judge me... what i have been thorugh isnt easy, and it did have some effect on my relationship.
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A
female
reader, Melanne +, writes (30 March 2007):
 I cannot possibly imagine what it was like for you to lose your son and can only empathise with the pain you must have felt. My heart goes out to you. I have a 15 month oldd daughter and she was premature they spent 10 minutes trying to resucitate her and I remember the fear I felt during that time.I am pleased that you have a partner and that you are obviously so in love your relationship has been rocky, but with all you have been through together it is understandable. You will always have the loss of your child and it is important to let your feelings out when you need to and not to bottle them in. You can come to terms with the loss you your son although you will always remember him. There comes a time when it is important to move on. Your son would want you to move on and be happy. You ask if you would be betraying your sons memory and although I cannot understand how you feel because I haven't been in that situation I would have to say to you that you need to move on. Of course, you can never forget your son Bailey and you never will, but you need to live your life. Another baby will bring you happiness and joy. You deserve that.I also feel that if you haven't done so already talking to a counsellor about your grief would help. Even before you get pregnant again if you can talk through your feelings it would be a lot better for you and you would feel more prepared to bring another baby into this world. At the moment it is obviously still causing you deep pain and sadness that is why it would be good to see a counsellor.You are doing very well though it is a huge step forward that you have taken in deciding to try for another baby. You are doing better than you think and with time your pain will lessen and you will love your new baby and he/she will bring you much happiness. All the best to you.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (30 March 2007):
 I can see why you would have some fear. I'd speak to your doctor before I'd consider having another child. If the genetic disorder is hereditary, you don't want to go through the same thing again.
If your physician gives you the go ahead, go for it. But I'd make sure you're committed to your boyfriend before you do anything. Your feelings for him seem to take dramatic swings. Whatever happened to getting married before you have children, or am I just old-fashioned?
I don't see having another child as betraying your son's memory.
Good luck!
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