A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with a man I had been seeing about a month ago. We only dated for about 3 months, but it was the most intense whirlwind relationship of my life. I have always been a bit aloof in relationships, and considered myself to be strong and independant, had outside interests, etc,. But I started to find myself wanting to do nothing but be with this person. The feeling seemed to be mutual, I spent every day with him and we talked all the time (he would call me). I learned so much about his past and visa versa. Then I started to dislike the person I was becoming, and felt as though this relationship was too consuming too fast and to be honest I was scared of my feelings. He also was already talking of the long-term and marriage and that is not what I want at this point in my life. I broke up with him, he took it very badly there were alot of calls and texts, tears on both ends. If he called I felt as though I had to answer, I couldn't help myself. I was addicted to him like a drug. I stopped answering his calls and we didnt speak for a few weeks but in a moment of weakness I ended up calling him on Valentine's day and found out he had moved on and was seeing someone else. I want to move on as well for my own well-being but whatever I try I cannot stop thinking of him/ conversations we had, etc,. Everything reminds me of him. A few different guys have tried to ask me out but I dont have any desire to get together with them... I even tried one date and ended up drunkely crying on their shoulder (:O). Does anyone have any advise for me or have been through a similar situation? I could really use some support. At this point I am just scared that I made the wrong choice and that I will never find someone else that I have those feelings with again.
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male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 I think there are a lot of people who use this site who can appreciate exactly what you are going through.
I have persoanlly had a relationship just like that many years ago. Even though I have been with my current partner for 17 years, and cannot imagine my life without her, every so often I think about this other woman.
I wonder where she is in the world, and what she is up to. Occasionally I allow myself to wonder what might have been, but not for long, as I love my life as it is now.
The key is that you said 'you didn't like the person you became'. A needy, clingy, desperate person. Unfortunately, real obsessive love makes us behave this way.
We all want to appear to be mentally strong, and in control, but sometimes, human emotion is incredibly and surprisingly strong, and that can be scary.
If this man has moved on, he was not for you. But being in love is something that your mind cannot control, so next time, don't fight it so much. You have to retain a certain level of self control, but allow yourself to love and be loved. If you have to work at being aloof, then it's not really you.
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