I'm pregnant by my married partner for the third time, help me!

Tagged as: Cheating, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships

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Question - (24 April 2008)

4 Answers - (Newest, 24 April 2008)

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

im 24 years old have been seein a married man since 2005, i became pregnant by him around april 2006, he convinced me to have an abortion and i did, i went through this emotional rollercoaster but instead of moving on with my life i was dumb and still stayed with him. i became pregnant again in jan of 2007, he wanted me to get another abortion buti just couldnt, so i went through with the pregnancy and had our son in sept, he's now 7 months and i just found out im pregnant again. i recently moved out of my parents into my apt, which he says he will help me pay,and little by little he will be moving in because he wants to be with me, but its so hard for him to leave his sons, in which one son he had while we were together. at this point of my life i dont know what to do. i had planned to be with him so that he can be a part of my sons life because i know if we were to seperate he would never try to see my son. but now this and we were being careful, i know he is going to be real upset if i tell him. and he will tell me to get an abortion , and if i say no he will tell me i am so stupid and selfish and dont care about no one but myself. i know i have done a lot of wrong for being with this man, and i do feel like i truly love him but i know he doesnt belong to me, but now this pregnancy now has made it even more difficult for me. i love children but how can i have this 3rd child with the father being married to someone else. i just dont know what to do, it has been so hard to move on, and this just made it harder

View related questions: abortion, married man, move on, moved out

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A female reader, bfly36 +, writes (24 April 2008):

My friend statistics prove that most married men that have affairs go back with there wives. First i reccommend, not offensively, get on birth control or use condoms if u decide to still have sex with him. Pull back a little and see if this situation is satisfying to YOU, if not u need to see what is best for u and ur family. Remember you are young and u are not stuckk and u dont HAVE to stay with anyone. Get support and decide what u want for u. good luck and be strong!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

Oh darling, I passed trough the same, but the father of my two unborn children was not married, but still didn't wanted a commitment with me, if this man wanted a commitment with you, he would have left his wife. You're in real trouble as I was, and I feel so sad reading your story, I think you feel traped, but you have to think carefully what you want for your life and your son's life and decide what will you do with your unborn child. I also didn't wanted to lose my babies, but I was so traped, so alone, he fired me from his office and he told me he was not going to meet my baby. I don't have my family here in USA so once more I felt completely alone with my pain and my problem. Be smart and don't waste your time more as I did with a man that was not worthed a penny. Your life is important and if you decide to have this new baby your babie's life will be more important that anything else. Men comes and goes your own babies, will never come back again. I regreated so so much not to have any of my babies, and no matter what I do now I can't have them back. Look at my question as Sad Angel, and you'll see why I'm talking so much to you. Good look and God bless your unborn Child.

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A male reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 April 2008):

The biggest mistake you have made is stay with this married man, who won't give you what you expect from him. All the other mistakes sort of derive from the first one.

There is a reason why you have stayed with him though you seem to know you shouldn't. I think you should think very carefully why you have stayed.

I would recommend that you plan your life as if he weren't there anymore. It will be very difficult, but you need to be ready. You can't make any plans thinking that he will be there; there is a high chance that he will not.

I think you should clarify where exactly you stand with him. What you can expect from him, et cetera. It's unlikely that he will leave his other children and his wife.

I think you should not continue to have a relationship with this guy. You have got yourself into a lot of trouble, and if you should continue to be with him you will only have more and more.

Your life will be difficult from now on, and not only with respect to money. You will have to bring these children up basically by yourself.

I suggest that you ask your parents whether you can live with them. Don't trust that he will pay that apartment. And, if he is willing to do that, tell him that his money would be better used in feeding the children and sending them to school. Of course, you need to check what your parents will think about this.

It is politically incorrect to tell a woman not to have an abortion. I will do exactly that, however. Of course, the decision is all yours. I don't even know you, and I'm aware that any problem you have will be more difficult with two children than with one.

However, I will say this much. This guy talked you to have an abortion the first time because he didn't want to deal with the emotional, financial and practical aspects of rearing a child. He wants sex, but no the responsibility that comes with it. And it's not like he's a seventeen year old who doesn't know better; he knows full well what he is doing and why. In my opinion, if anyone here is stupid and selfish, and doesn't care about anyone but himself, it is certainly that guy.

I wish you the very best.

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A female reader, IamLily +, writes (24 April 2008):