A
female
age
36-40,
*ourtR87
writes:My boyfriend likes to masturbate, he says it doesn't have any emotional ties (I'm pregnate I tend to cramp up) he says that he doesn't really get turned on when we have sex because he knows it is just going to hurt me...anyways I have a huge problem with him masturbating and looking at porn, He has tons of Porn on his computer, I mean tons...He downloads it daily almost and I feel like he is cheating on me and he doesn't understand why i say that, I tell him that I would much rather have him Take pictures of me and Masturbate to those, but he never seems to want to...He tells me he wishes there was more pregnate porn, why won't he make it with me? How should i deal with him looking at porn and masturbating? I don't like the fact that he has to look at other girls to get off, It makes me feel very negative towards myself and my changing body.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (2 March 2007):
I don't imagine it would hurt you to receive some physical intimacy like a massage or even oral sex? Why don't you ask him to do that?
And I don't imagine it would hurt you to give him manual or oral stimulation either, so why don't you make a move on him, with a view to doing that?
If he won't let you touch him and won't touch you, then you've got a problem which has nothing to do with intercourse being painful for you.
I'm not sure how much it matters that he masterbates or looks at porn unless it interferes with him giving you proper love and attention.
If there is a problem, the next step is then to figure out what the problem is - does he have jealousy issues or worries in advance about the relationship you are going to have with the child? etc. Perhaps you could go to counselling together to discuss his feelings.
However, don't put up with this for too long - it IS your problem, because you are not getting the physical manifestation of love that you need and you don't understand why.
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