A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for over two years. He is sixteen years old than me and has two children, the youngest of whom is fifteen. He says‘I don’t do marriage’, and that he will never marry me. He refuses to meet my family [I only see them a few times a year but he will not join me].He drinks two or three drinks every night when he is not at work. He smokes heavily and uses cannabis a lot. If I say I would like him to stop smoking he tells me I'm nagging. He is also penniless, because of child support, and we never go out even when it's free or I would pay. We sit in his house and he smokes and drinks and then I drink more than I should, too, and feel bad. I broke up with him for eight months before. I missed him loads and was really lonely. I do love him and his company but, as you can see, there are a lot of problems. Should I break up with him?
View related questions:
at work, broke up, drugs, smokes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): Thank you for your replies.
Lexilou, you helped me realise that my partner isn't someone who's likely to move on and never was.
Askoldersister, you were a bit harsh. When I said 'smoking' was a problem for my partner I meant cigarettes AND drugs.
I do not use drugs or cigarettes and never have. Nor did I drink heavily in the months my partner and I were apart. Where you were right was in seeing that I don't HAVE to participate in my partner's drinking. I am enabling him to hurt himself. This has to stop NOW and we both need help: I am already on a waiting list to see a therapist and I will challenge him to do something similar.
Dearkelja, your advice was the best. The man is 51. He has been like this all of his life. It's why the mother of his children kicked him out. He won't change. Looks like we should indeed break up.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 You resent the man's actions and therefor, you resent the man. You are trying to change him into the man you want and he is right, you are nagging. He never hid who he was from you and if this isn't the perfect picture of happiness, then I think yes, you should leave him and find someone new. The man must be close to 50? He's not going to change, ever.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 August 2008):
 If he isnt willing to change then how do you see your future with this guy? Will he still be sat there in 10-15 years time smoking cannabis, drinking, doing nothing and going nowhere. Is that really how you see or want your future to be??
I think its time to move on, relationships and love are about more than this, yes you may be lonely at first but you will probably meet someone else who can be all the things you want him to be x
...............................
|
