A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:I am in a new relationship and one of the things that my guy likes is rough sex. I can handle rough sex, but he also likes dirty talk like saying words like whore. I'm not sure if I can get into it. I'm trying to be positive about it since I have never tried it. I have heard some people can really get off on it when said in the right moments. I just not sure what to think or how to have the right mind set? In every other aspect of our relationship he is a complete gentalmen and a dream to be with.
View related questions:
rough sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): If you are not comfortable with it, then don't do it if it doesn't feel right.I can tell you personally, it's not my thing. And I would not appreciate being called a whore. I like rough sex and my Fiance and I can get pretty wild and do a lot of things, but there is no disrespect, we have boundaries and we do not base what we like to do and try from a "for shock value" porn. Sounds like that's exactly where he's gotten his sex education from... porn. That's unfortunate because much intimacy is lost. And just be careful that it doesn't go too far, degrades you in any way or you are treated like an actual whore in bed.Don't go along with something just because you think that's what you are supposed to do. If you are curious to try something, that's fine, but you need to articulate when it's too much for you or if something makes you uncomfortable. Please listen to your intincts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): I love rough sex! And Dirty Talk such as being called a whore, but I'm in the other, end my partner is not really into rough sex but he does do it now and then as he knows I love it. The Dirty Talk is something that he can't bring his self to do (calling be names such as a whore/sl*t) but he does 'sometimes' call me a bit*h, that is as far as he will go and that is not often at all. I respect that as that is what he is comfortable with. What I am trying to say is to need to talk to him. Communication in sex is one of the most important thing if not the most important. Tell him what you like, what you are comfortable with and where you draw the lines that you don't what crossed. You said he is great in all other ways, well if that is true then he should understand and if he does not understand then he is not worth being with.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): If you feel unsure about what to say, you are clearly uncomfortable with this. Just tell him that it doesn't feel right. He shouldn't be doing dirty talk anyway if only he thinks it's fun.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2013):
 Is this guy a FWB? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-ok-to-text-a-fwb-every.html
Because if he knows he's just no strings attached sex then he doesn't care all that much about what you want. He's getting his, if you want yours, you're going to have to ask for it.
I worry about this as you reported in an earlier question that you were raped in the past. You don't seem to be able to articulate what you want or set boundaries in a relationship and are now engaged in a relationship with a guy who likes 'rough sex' and calling you a 'whore.'
It sounds like you need to take a few big steps back, stop having sex unless you are in control and I think it's time for you to go back to the counselor to discuss your recent relationship choices.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-afraid-i-freaked-out-my-friend-when.html
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): If there is one important ingredient in sex, that is comfort. Even a little pain and roughness can be tolerated; but if you're not all the way into the dirty language,
you can eliminate the words that are a turnoff. Some people might like getting a "mind-screw." I don't think you're one of them.
You don't have to force yourself to accept anything that makes the experience uncomfortable, or too painful for you. It's one thing to be open-minded and considerate of your partner. It's another to feel degraded or disrespected after something as great as sex.
You can throw in the words that come to your mind spontaneously; but you don't have to be talked to like you're something less that who you are. Degradation of your gender and assaulting your self-esteem isn't necessary to get you off; so you don't have to be the recipient of it.
Let him know how far you're "willing" to go with it. You have every right to set your own rules and boundaries. It's something shared. It's give and take, you don't have to submit to anything you don't like. It's no fun unless both of you are having a great time. It's not all about the one with the dick and testicles.
He cares for you and should respect your wishes. Just don't take it personally when he has a slip now and then. It's in the heat of passion; but if he realizes it doesn't sit well with you, he won't use names and words that are too offensive to you. You're supposed to get off and feel blissful and euphoric. You should be psychologically unscathed; regardless of how you like to do it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2013):
I would let him know that you don't feel all that happy and comfortable with the dirty talk, including being called a whore.
Is this the MMA guy? Rough sex, without checking if you like it too? Calling you a whore during sex, without checking if you like that?
Some red flags going up for me.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-he-care-about-me-hes-so-busy.html
You said he wants to take it slow and it's not really a full on relationship?
I would feel very uncomfortable with his lack of concern or care for your comfort and I have a strong suspicion he uses women as masturbatory aids and is not looking for a reciprocal loving relationship.
If you can't get into it and it's only early days, it's going to get worse, sorry, this guy sounds like a complete loser.
...............................
|
