A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am moving to a new city soon and would like some tips about possibly finding a partner.I am 51. I have been a single Mum to one daughter since 19 years old. I was married originally but abandoned by my husband / her father. He never supported us in any way and neither did my family.Long story short, I have worked very hard all my life and suffered from depression for years. Now, I am quite literally having to learn how to restructure my life to factor in far less stress and a lot more pleasure.I have only had two serious relationships and both were abusive. The first was with my daughter's father who is was with for about 5 years (my ex husband, who was ten years older than me and the next was with someone 5 years younger than me. I was with him for 17 years. Both men have been artists. Both never had any money and both effectively put me in the position of carer / provider, even though I had nothing when I was younger and have never been given a lucky break. I really, really don't want to make this mistake again.I've never seemed to have much problem actually attracting men - at my age I don't think I'm anywhere near as stunning as some women but people have often said I'm really pretty, even now. But my confidence is very low and I find it very hard to let men even a bit close to me, especially physically, in case I can't live up to their expectations. I have absolutely no libido at all and it has been like this for years and years now. I don't really get depressed anymore, but I have known for some time that I need to move out of this very stressful city in order to feel alive again.So, I have managed to buy a lovely property in one of the most sought after areas in this new city and also a holiday home abroad. That makes me sound rich, which I am not, but I have learned how to be very good with money and spend wisely. I feel with these two places I can start to rebuild a new phase of life. I will still have to work and commute long distance to my old city part time.I have absolutely no idea of how I should start looking for a potential partner. I want to really connect to myself first and foremost and make friends in this new place, but I also know I would love to experience some fun and romance, without getting hurt as badly as before. I want to find a genuinely nice man and have no clue how to start. This may sound awful, but I would, for once, like to find a more classy man with his own money !Anyone got any ideas? I am guessing joining groups etc will be a popular response...
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confidence, depressed, libido, long distance, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2019): I’m close to your age and would second the advice not to sleep with anyone too soon. Seeing as you mentioned no libido this should be easy advice to follow but sometimes people feel pressured in order to ‘ secure ‘ someone’s interest . Believe me that is the type of guy whose interest you want to secure
In relation to your libido yes I would go get checked out by a dr . It may be hormonal or it may simply be situational and you might find that it starts to return when you meet someone you feel connected to.
The best advice I think is to enjoy meeting people but be a little
Cautious with your heart . Make sure you get to know people a little before opening up to them
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (4 June 2019):
 Well with divorce rampant there is a pretty good availability of all kinds of people out there. I suspect that the greatest difficulty you will find is finding the combination of a man looking for romance and fun AND also interested in a sexless relationship with a woman who has no Libido.
I think that before dating you should talk to a GP about that libido. There are hormonal, as well as medication related causes for this. If you can't get that bit ironed out, you may be looking for an asexual partner, which would obviously be a much more difficult search.
Some other general advice:
Genuine men and genuinely nice men, will continue to date you past three sexless dates. Putting out too soon is a good way to meet players and other abusive types.
Alcohol is the enemy of relationships. It shouldn't be involved in any first meeting.
Nice men, and classy men, and men with their own money, are not as exciting, or interesting. They tend to need more time for work and community involvement. Don't give up early because he is busy. Busy is a good sign.
50 year old men have lower testosterone, higher weight and often less hair. Hopefully they offset that with experience and a bit of wisdom.
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