A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married, he's married, and now i'm having his baby should I allow him to be in his baby's life?We met at work and I thing lead to another that we starting seeing each other and having a sexaul relationship in May of 2006 We are both married i have a two older step-kids and a 8yr old. He has no kids. We have shared with our spouse's that i'm having his baby. My spouse just wants to raise the child without him. His spouse has not said anything about what has gone on.I'm due in 2 months and care a great deal for the baby's dad but i just want to do what is best for the baby. The baby's dad was willing to walk away but now all he say's is that he loves me and wants to be in his baby's life. Should he be in his babies life my spouse just thinks he just wants to have a way to keep seeing me. What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): yes
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): Follow your heart. I can see that you want the babies father in his/her life but you also seem to want to please your husband too. And what about his wife, is she going to be apart of this picture too? I think it comes down to letting the father see his child and going from there. If he decides not to see him/her I still think he should provide things for the child because it's not like you made this baby on your own. I wish you the best and good luck
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 I'm really amazed that you feel you have the authority to decide if a man can see his child. Maybe you should give the baby to him and he can decide if you get to see the child. Do you see what I mean? It's a sad situation you two created but don't make it worse by covering it in secrecy and lies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): If the baby's father really wants to be in this baby's life, then there's nothing you can say about it. He can get a court ordered paternity test and the courts would grant him some visitation rights. It isn't right to keep a child from his/her real father. What would you think if your mother wanted to lie to you about who your real father was? You made the mistake of cheating, and you weren't even careful enough about it to use protection, so you have to suffer the consequences. Also, this man has no children so trying to deny his rights of being in his own child's life is really wrong of you. Your husband is only saying that he wants to raise this child as his own b/c he doesn't want to lose you. But I am afraid that once this child is born he will be looking at the child and only seeing what you did to him by being unfaithful. This may cause him to be resentful toward the child. Do what is right for this child, not just what is easier on you and your spouse. You obviously weren't too worried about your spouse's feelings when you were having sex with the other man. Why start worrying about what he wants now? The other man may just want to be in the child's life because he doesn't want to stop seeing you, that is possibly true as well. But you can test that out by telling him he can see his child, but that you are going to work things out with your husband. If he sees the child, then he does. If he doesn't then that's his loss but at least you will have the clear conscious of knowing that you gave him the chance to be in his own child's life. And you can also probably get some child support from the other man as well. You don't have to leave your family, you should just be honest about all of this. Unless of course you want to be with the other man, but you would be breaking up your family and your children will feel like you're leaving them to be with another family and that would hurt them very much. The best option in my opinion is to work things out w/ your husband, be honest to everyone involved and give the other man a chance to know his child.
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A
male
reader, blazee  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 yeah i think he should. he has no other children of his own, and this is his first child:(
if you dont let him in its like your punishing him but you are both equally responsible for the baby and should both contribute to the babys life.
im sure the baby would want to know who its real father was when it was older, if you explain when it is young it will be more easier for all of you then if you tell the baby when there 15-18. then things could go wrong.
good luck babe:) xx
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A
female
reader, x-Baby-Face-x +, writes (26 July 2007):
 yes i think you should let him in the babys life because you might not be able to cope alone and after all without him, there would be no baby so i think you should let him in the babys life maybe you should get back with him you mite just get along and atleast the baby has a father there with his or her mother aswell x i hope this helps
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