A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, am 24 years old and I just got married 4 months ago. I married my husband after 3 years of a love story and finally now am with him but am having a problem that is affecting my marriage as I think! I always liked to be a virgin until I get married, that how I was raised. but now whenever my husband tries to sleep with me, I freak out and not let him do anything. am scared and I do not know why, am 24, do you think am still not ready for sex with my husband! that I chose? he is telling me to go see a doctor and figure out what is going on because it's not normal. what should I do?
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female
reader, didda123  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 I know you wanted to be a virgin up until you married and you have achieved that now but this is a new chapter in your life and you will achieve a great deal from this as well you are starting it with your wonderful new husband who loves and cares for you.
You have chosen to love him and to consumate your marriage is the most natural thing in the world. Give up on the virgin thing now and make a commitment to be faithful to your husband that is a new challenge.
Making love with someone who really loves you is the most natural and enjoyable thing, just take things easy one step at a time and enjoy the moment, you are bound to be a little apprehensive the first time but it is nothing at all to fear.
Would you be able to discuss your concerns with a female relative or a good friend who will help you to feel more confident.
Im sure the problem is that you have made such a commitment to keep your virginity for so long that it is difficult to let it go now but life is all about experiences and you are missing out on a wonderful one which you can share with your husband.
If you still feel unable to relax i would definately recommend that you speak to your doctor.
Good luck i hope things work out x
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 January 2009):
 In general, I've always hated to use the word "normal" -- normality is defined by two things: what you perceive and what society dictates... and the first one counts. So, disregarding all the other information in your question and only concentrating on the "freak out" fear you have to get intimate with him, having a strong negative reaction is something that I would want to dive a little deeper into. For instance, have you always had this fear? Did you have similar reactions to other boyfriends, friends or even family members that might want to be closer to you on an emotional level? Seeing a professional about discussing the roots of your fears isn't a bad thing. If anything, it might shed some light on your fears and help you to overcome them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): are you still a virgin? I would just sleep with him. It's normal for it to be awkward at first, but you should become more comfortable later on. Relax and don't think of sex as something to be ashamed of.
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