A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI,I am in a major predicament. I met my boyfriend in the UK, and we have been dating for sometime. I am 30, and he is 35 and we are both Jatt Sikh (same caste and religion). We are also both divorced. I am madly in love with him and he tells me he loves me too and we both planned on getting married. Lately, he has changed his plans, and says that his parents are not happy that I was married to a person of lower caste in my previous marriage, and therefore they do not support his decision.I was absolutely gutted to hear this and especially at the fact that he changed his mind about marrying me. He tells me he did not expect this reaction from his parents, and says they are wonderful people, but does not want to disappoint them. He says he wants everyone to be happy, therefore would rather leave me in order to keep them happy! :( I am absolutely heartbroken and feeling lost. I had set so many dreams and hopes on on us, and now they might be shattered. what should i do?
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female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 As hard as it is, try to respect his decision, he did it for his own reasons and those reasons were serious enough for him to decide not to marry you. In this case I would say - his loss, not mine. This man doesnt want you badly enough to go against his parents will. I find it amusing that a mature person would tell absolutely everything to his/her parents. Who cares about your previous marriage. It didnt work out. His didnt work out either!
His parents are being judgemental and very traditional and seem to have a big influence on their big boy still.
After some time you will be able to reflect upon this situation calmly and without regret. I always say when things dont work out quite the way I wanted them to work our - it wasnt meant to be, whatever happens - happens for the best and move on.
If you think that this lower caste ex husband might be a problem in the future again I would just avoid discussing that subject with potential new partner. Everyone has their right to a little bit of privacy.
All the best and dont let this upset you too much try to move on as quickly as possible and not dwell on it for ages!
A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 I'm not going to pretend to understand the entire caste part of this question and its relevance to problem at hand. What I will do is hand off this statement that perhaps you can use with your boyfriend (and he in turn can run this by his parents): plain and simple truth -- everyone has a dating past... be it wild or mild. The thing is that you can't fix (nor should you need to feel responsible for) having made choices that turned out good or bad if they are in the past. Unless you have a time-machine, there's no way you can go back and correct an action. That said, we are all stuck with the here and now... and our hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow. To me, the fact that you both love each other so much that you want to dedicate yourselves to each other is a marvelous thing. That's the part that should be emphasized here, not your past relationships. It's love that matters, not who you once loved.
Last word: I'm sure that your boyfriend has the best intentions trying to keep everyone happy, including his parents. That's respectful, but in the end, how happy is he going to be when the greatest thing to come along in his life is gone forever?
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