A
female
age
41-50,
*pringlove
writes:I have been married for 16 years. I have been horriable about staying faithful in my marriage. I cheated within my first year. I thought that the fling was just something I needed to get out of my system and stayed faithful for a couple of years. I had a couple of children with my husband and everything seemed ok. The problem is, I desire sex more often than he does and it has always been that way. I am turned down almost every time I am in the mood. He says he is always too tired. Our love making is at best 5- 10 minutes long so I retaliate with a comment such as it won't take that long. Our oldest son became very ill and I stayed focussed on my family. My son was about to have a life threating surgery, he had over 30 surgeries and my husband decided to stay behind while I travel 700 miles. I was so fustrated that he was not going that I strayed again after not feeling like I was getting any support emotionally or physically. I had decided that I was going to leave my husband upon our return. Unfortunately my son died following his surgery. My husband discovered my indiscretions the day before my sons funeral. After fears of losing my children, I begged for him to give me another chance. I started working more to allow for us to buy some of the things that we couldn't afford while my son was alive. I have always done almost all of the housekeeping, yard work, bills and making dinner and helping the kids. He on the other hand does only things if asked. I always wonder how it would have been had he not found out. Yet the affairs during my marriage have always allowed me to get my fustrations out and then move on for a while. My problem is this, I am in love with another man. I have known him for 3 1/2 years and we saw each other regularly for 2 years and then I broke it off to work on my marriage. The guys I saw before him only lasted a couple of weeks. I then went on to have another child with my husband. Meanwhile I am always thinking of the other guy. I picked up the phone and called him a few months ago and we started talking. I have behaved myself but realize how much I really do miss him. It has also forced me to realize how poorly I think of my husband. I wonder if I am unable to commit or is it the lack of affection. Either way I am always left wondering. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): I understand I am In the same situation, and our son died five years
ago. Sorry for your loss. I believe we like attention. My husband has
me do all the cooking, cleaning, and etc. My husband rarely makes
love to me. I feel my sex drive is really high I want it all the time. I cheated and I'm in love with another man. I hate that I am. I havnt
told my husband and probably never will. Sometimes I want to leave
him but I was think a switch will come on and I will love my
husband like I use to. I really feel awful, and I know I'm wrong
but i have two other children so I don't want to break up my
family. I should let my husband go or try to work it out, but I don't
want to end up all alone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): Based on what you write, it seems you are not good marriage material. So do not experiment more with another man etc etc. you will not be faithful. you yourself are unsure about your ability to being faithful.
My honest advice will be to follow your conscience and values, if you want to be happy in life. I know you are under question from your conscience. your flings will not help you and. It will always be hard to make the marriage successful than break it.
you need to know that once you break the marriage, you make the problems created for 30 other lives. ( your husband, your daughters, your sons, your ex, your future husband and his future wife and then dealing with ex factors and then dealing complexities of step kids, and own kids and so on... )
So my advice will be to be happy in your marriage and be contended.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 June 2010):
 You don't know how many guys who come in here and justify their cheating on their wives with their wives' lower sex drive and amount of work they do for their family. We're hard on them for trashing their marriage vows when it suits them.
You're doing the same thing. There's no pretty way to put it. There's no justification for how you treat your husband. He's not giving you enough sex, so you feel entitled to run off into another man's arms. If your husband is only lasting 5-10 minutes, it's because you're letting him. Apparantly, you are having sex with him because you had another child by him.
I'm sorry about your son, but your marriage is a farce. If you don't have the character to stay faithful to your husband, you don't deserve one. You're treating him like crap, and ultimately, he shut down emotionally on you. You can't claim martyrdom status by cleaning and cooking and taking an extra job as if that will make up for your repeated betrayals.
True marriages, when the wife feels she's not getting enough emotional support, don't go off and have sex flings. They talk it out with their husband and go to marriage counseling.
You might as well leave your husband. However, know that you're going to cheat on this new guy you think you're so in love with. You should not be in any kind of relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): I don't think you love this other guy as much as you dislike being married to your husband.
You think the grass is greener with this other guy, but a few weeks of dating him back before you got with husband was not a lot of time to reach that idea. (And why did you break it off back then? Probably not for nothing.)
But you are married and more importantly you have children. I don't know how many but you said more than one. The kids have to come first. IMHO you should give them a trip through high school without their parents divorcing. Then see where you are.
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