A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I have ruined everything, I had a wonderful boyfriend for over a year and everything was always perfect. I was completely in love with him and we never fought or argued or anything. One day he looked at me at said he didn't love me and that it was over... but later ( a month or so) said he'd made a mistake and was sorry. He's a bit naive but I believed him and knew he loved me just as much as before. For some reason I knew this but couldn't apply it to the relationship anymore, we got back together but after a couple of months I went very strange, I am a faithful, honest girl but I started meeting up with someone else. I knew I still loved by boyfriend but it seemed that the trivial fun thing was easier to deal with than the fact that things wern't the same with my boyfriend. Luckily this second boy went travelling, and I just forgot about him. Then, when my boyfriend was away with the flu one of his best friends and I started spending a lot of time together and again nothing physical happened but there was something emotional there from him... and looking back, I just really wanted the attention. It lasted about a week, and I only saw him twice or so but we talked about it and decided nothing could/would/should happen. Again, I forgot about it, in fact I completely realised there was nothing I liked about him and just that I was shifting my own problems onto someone else. Things with my boyfriend got a bit better, but I still couldn't feel cose to him ( because of what he and I did) and soon after ( a couple of months) another boy came on the scene. It sound like such a horrible thing to do, but or some reason I didn't gage this at all at the time. Things were very rocky with my boyfriend at this time, and we broke up after a week but during that time I had been texting this THIRD boy... when it was over with my boyfriend I saw him a couple of times but ended it very soon because I knew I just did not want anything with anyone but my boyfriend. Its been two months, I feel awful and now all of these different things have come to light. I have really messed up, more than I could imagine i ever would. I know he could never be with him bt I am just as in love with him as the day I met him, obviously he doesn't want to talk to me, which is completey fair.. I just don't really know what steps to take from here. I have a few very strong friends who are supportive and know how out of character the whole thing was and I am so lucky to have them. I just want some advice about how to go forward, and gradually mend all the hearts I broke. I'm laying low and just concentrating on college but I'm just really lonely. I'm also scared of myself because I just didn't think I could do any of the things I have done. I am so ashamed. Please Please help me. (and try not to judge me) Thank you. Anything!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 There are a lot of things that are easier to take from your mate then I don't love you anymore. That why there are so many cliches in our lexicon. I need space, its not you its me. As trite and patronizing as these words and phrases are they do serve the purpose of mitigating the pain and hurt that one person heaps on the other. But to go full bore and tell someone that they don't love you anymore reflects a great deal of soul searching and concerted thought about you and he and all that you are to each other and that after this searching of soul you didn't make the cut. And when somebody gets blind sided and had no clue that her mate was in some turmoil about his feelings it can set one adrift with no compass to speak of. You are cast out and you know where your instinct is telling you to go and do but this is the same instinct that let you think all was well when your mate was ready to lower the boom on you. If your fidelity is compromised the foundation was shaken by him. I would imagine the more secure you felt in your relationship ultimately translates to more confusion at his dismissal of you. And so about the time every thing is getting absolutely real and about the time you are really feeling like a sucker he waltzes back in with a y'know all that not loving you business ? oh never mind. Your OK ....it's him thats got a problem and if anything gets back to him and he tries to give you shit tell him .. i have a feeling you will know just exactly what to tell him. but i can give you a clue Take two words...FUCK OFF..and add fillers and extenders and get about 75 more words added to that general concept and you;='ll do just fine.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (5 March 2008):
 You sound like an honest person and I'm glad to hear you taking accountability for your actions; most people act confused instead of doing this. You're on the right track!
You had a boyfriend that broke up with you for a month and got back together with you. Either he's a waffler (can't make up his mind) or wanted to see someone else. I think you responded normally although you wanted to go back to the way things were but that just wasn't possible. A guy that tells you "I don't love you anymore" is giving you a huge slap in the face. Don't be ashamed and I wouldn't feel too guilty if you broke his heart but next time, break up with the guy if you are interested in other people all the time! :)
Spend some time with your friends and get good grades!
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (4 March 2008):
 We all do things out of character from time to time, so please don't beat yourself up over it. And unless you're leaving something out, I don't think I read a single thing you've done that could be interpreted as deceptive or even selfish. That being said, maybe you're holding on to the idea of your boyfriend because it felt comfortable. Maybe you could benefit from keeping things casual with the boys you know in general as opposed to feeling guilty about talking to ANY of them. Maybe you're in a point in your life where you feel so stressed out that it's easier to wallow in a crisis than it is to confront what's really bothering you (I apologize if that came off wrong). Either way, once again, don't beat yourself up.. You haven't done anything wrong and this too will pass. I wish you the best and assure you everything will be alright soon enough.-Jmo
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