A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on a dating app and we've been out on 2 dates. I was beginning to like him, then he disappeared after the 2nd date. I texted him last Sunday telling him I had fun and we should go out again. He then suggested we should go see a movie, to which I responded enthusiastically. He never responded, and haven't heard from him until now (6 days later). I assumed he lost interest, which was disappointing. So I deleted his messages and texts. I honestly was not expecting to hear from him again. He texted me a little while ago telling me he can't go out this weekend, but wanted to know what I'm up to. I already made plans to see the movie he suggested with my friends. I'm now really torn on whether or not I should reply, and what I should reply with if I do.He's the best guy I've been out with in a while, so I kinda don't wanna let him go, but at the same time, I feel like he ghosted me and only came back because it didn't work out with another girl. I'm dating other guys, but no one else has come close to him. He has pretty much everything I'm looking for in a guy. He is a bit of a nerd/dork/awkward, and is not the best texter to begin with. Last week we were without contact for 2 days, but this week was 6 days.The petty part in me wants to reply with "who's this?" But I know that's not a good idea. I'm just ticked off that he ghosted me then texted me like nothings changed.Should I give him another chance?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 October 2021):
 Good for you, better luck next time!
There are plenty of decent guys out there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): It's entirely up to you if you believe pursuing a romance with this guy is worth the trouble. I agree with Honeypie and Kenny; and don't really think he's worth the bother.
You don't need people playing hide and seek or mind-games with you. If there's one thing about being a nerd; you know what you like, and you pursue your interests with almost an obsession. Awkwardness is forgivable, but being left hanging days at a time without a word, or a text, tells me "I'm not that into you!" Your suspicion that attempts with another date didn't workout, is usually why contact is sporadic; or you'll get ghosted altogether.
Before you do anything, reread your post, and all the responses you've received. Get a better perspective on things. You're still swept-away by a couple of good dates; and you might be a little lonely, or weary from searching. Now here comes second-thought. Do you really want to give him another chance to leave you hanging like you're so desperate to be with him? Trust yourself.
Second-guessing yourself might be overthinking. There's always the nagging little hunch you might be missing-out on an opportunity. Well, consider the possibility that if you stick-around, and allow yourself to get more and more attached; and you're again left waiting by the phone for a few days. It's happened to you twice already. What are you supposed to do during radio silence??? He even cancelled the movie date last-minute, and insulted you with a lame question. What are you up to?!! Girl...seriously?!!
Girlfriend, it's your call!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI let him go. I texted him to let him go, and wouldn't you know, he replied quickly. So he can reply quickly, just wasn't willing to with me. I'm a little bummed, but I know it's for the best. Thanks for the advice!
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A
male
reader, Indiglorex +, writes (5 October 2021):
If you really like him that much, sure give him a chance. But don't cancel plans to be with him. And if he ghosts you again he is just using you as a "pick me up" for him, as he probably detected how much you like him and knows he might be able to get away with treating you poorly. Don't let him. And you ghost HIM if he starts up with this kind of behavior again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2021):
Overall, I think you read him right. He ONLy got back in touch because someone else didn't work out. Or to make sure if whomever he IS seeing this weekend or talking to doesn't work out, you are still available. So you are a backup plan so far. Or he has been reading some lame-ass "pick up artist" books that says he shouldn't show "too much" interest to make YOU chase him...
either way... I'd pass on this one.
Being nerdy/shy doesn't mean it's OK to not respond for 6 days.
Also if you could find ONE guy that otherwise seems like he could have potential, you CAN find another. Do have the "scarcity mentality" here, girl! If you think I can't find better... you will settle for the wrong guy over and over.
What I see over and over with people meeting people online/apps is that they forget that many of these people are people you normally wouldn't come in contact with. Not because they aren't "good enough" but because you have little to nothing in common or live too far from each other.
If you DO want to say something to him, I would just let him know that you wish him well in his dating adventure but you don't see the point in trying for a third date as he really didn't seem all that keen. Then you can delete and block.
You might have thought there was potential here, but HE is still looking for greener grass. So while he COULD have been "your pick", you weren't his. Because if you HAD been "his pick" he would have made more of an effort. I mean NO contact in 6 days? Even if he isn't a big texter, I don't think there is a good excuse for that. Dating someone isn't JUST about going out on dates. It's about getting to know the other person. To see if they potentially are a good fit.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (5 October 2021):
 I think he seems like a bit of a game player, blowing hot and cold, and vanishing for long periods of time.
He will pick you up and put you down, he will dangle the carrot and build your hopes up, then let you down the last minute.
You say you feel like he ghosted you then came back because it never worked out with another girl. Well i would guess at this is exactly what happened. If he was totally into you you would have his total attention, and would respond to you when he can. It seems to me like he went on a few dates with you, and is still on the app going on other dates, typical internet dating scenario's.
I can't see things changing, and he will go on letting you down, and ghosting you if you keep him around.
My advice would be to just delete and block him, and find someone who actually wants to be with you.
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