A
female
age
41-50,
*creenstar
writes:I have a big problem, this is a taboo topic.for the last two or so years I have developed feelings for my sister in laws husband.I am now totally in love with him I cant stop thinking about him,I try my hardest to stay away from family functions so that I can avoid him, mostly he also stays away, but I doubt its because he has feelings for me. I love my sister in law dearly and we are close friends this makes it even more complicated. I thought these feelings would just disapear as time went on , but they are just getting stronger. I wish I could just erase these feelings but everything I try doesnt work. I cant avoid him for the rest of my life he is part of the family and will always be around. when we talk I feel as if I am on cloud nine. his marriage is however on the rocks and because his wife and I are good friends she regularly confides in me. what do I do , is there anyone out there in a similar situation , how can I switch off these feelings. I dont want to leave my husband(although sometimes I wonder if I should)I feel bad about this, and trapped in a forbidden world often I feel as if I just need one night with him to get him out of my system
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Hi! Wow, that's a dangerous situation! I got the impression that the wife is your husbands' sister, is that correct?? Either way, it is TABOO! You could be destroying an entire family dynamic, for one night of possible excitement! If I'm correct about the wife being your husbands sister...I know how protective brothers are of their sisters. Your husband would be devistated, his sister would be devistated, and the whole family would turn on you like you were public enemy #1! Think about the ramifications of this! And take the advice of the Aunts. Listen carefully to the complaints of your sister-in-law. She lives with him, she knows him better than you do.
If you are having that much difficulty getting this out of your head...see a therapist. Talk to a nuetral person who can help you see this for what it is!
I was in a similar situation over 30 years ago. The difference was that my husband and I were newly separated. My brother-in-law, called me daily to see how I was doing. The calls became more and more "friendly" Then one evening, he called and said, "wanna come out and play?" It threw me off guard, but I had the foresight to realize the consequences of such an action! I told him No.
He, too was my husbands, sisters, husband, by the way! He never called again, and I saw him only once at a funeral. I thank God, I said NO! Think about talking to a professional if you can't deal with this on your own.
Love your husband and work on your own marriage. Don't look at your sister-in-laws marrital problems as an opportunity for you to swoop in and take advantage! You are betraying not only her trust, but your husbands too!
I wish you luck and hope you can sort this all out without hurting anyone!
XXXX
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 LOL, men always seem so much more appealing before you have the encounter. Listen to what she complains about and ask yourself if these are appealing qualities?
Getting over a crush or attraction isn't easy at all. Best to just enjoy the feelings and keep it all to yourself. There isn't anything you can do other than to deal with it until the glamor wears off by itself.
This guy will always be off limits even if their marriage ends in divorce as the drama and hurt that would result should you both enter a fling, will always be a problem that will haunt you for years.
Think about all the bad things that could happen. Think about all the things she says about him that are negative. Think about anything at all that would make you happy to be with him other than the attraction and perhaps he might not have any qualities that you admire or like?
I think you'll have to convince yourself of all the negatives about him in order to shake out of this because you can not talk to anyone about this! There is no point because its only attraction and nothing more.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 I'm thinking he is your husbands brother, 'sister in laws husband' you say. Relationships with sisters partners, husbands relations, anything like that will cause a huge family argument and rifts. Any children will get caught up in it all. If you do happen to eventually be with this man then expect to be alone, just the two of you because odds on the whole family will turn against you. Try to think along these lines and keep the feelings you have, all to yourself and try to concentrate on your own husband and family for diversions. I'm sorry to put it plainly like this but I'm trying to make you come out of this scenario and see it how others would. You will not find happiness in those quarters. hope this helps.
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