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I'm in love with my gay best friend. But I am also totally in love with my boyfriend.

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Gay relationships, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 April 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *annahhhh writes:

Well, I have been best friends with "C" since we were 12 and now we both are 17. When I was 14 to 16 I was dating somebody and "C" would always tell me he was in love with me and he told my brother he thought he would be better for me then my boyfriend at the time ever would be and I was stupid and I blew "C" off, and never even gave him a chance.

Then in July of 2008 he came out as being gay, and at the time he came out I had always been telling him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him.

I have been dating my boyfriend I'm with now for about 6 months. I love my boyfriend to death and more then anyone in the world..

Except "C" .. I have recently have been having some major feelings for "C" , even though I have a boyfriend and I keep asking myself what the heck is wrong with me. I have a boyfriend that loves me, adores me, and we plan to have a future together..

But in the back of my mind, I find myself wishing "C" and I could have had a chance to be together. I always wonder what could have been, and I can't help but to think that we were always meant to be together.

And right now I am literally almost in tears because I just don't know what to do, because even if "C" and I did get a chance, that would mean leaving the guy I am with now, and I just can't do that because I love him too much and I don't wanna lose him..

And I defiantly do not want to lose my relationship with "C" either because he is the closest person to me and he is the best friend I have ever had and I don't wanna screw that up either.. Just.. Help!!!!

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A female reader, Vannahhhh United States +, writes (14 April 2009):

Vannahhhh is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes, I am convinced he really is gay. And I have accepted it and after he came out to me it took me a while to accept it but then it started to like haunt me recently, in the past couple weeks, and it has nothing to do with not being satisfied with my boyfriend I have because he is more then I could ever as for.

Actually, right after I posted this question "C" go back onto MSN after being away for like an hour (lmao) I told him I needed to talk to him and he was like "What's wrong Sav?" and I just started letting it out so I'll save the conversation and like post it on here.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009):

hello :]

I don't blame you for feeling confused. For years you sensitively balanced the feelings of your best friend with a loyalty to your previous boyfriend, and that is admirable.

As soon as you were able to return his love he came out as gay !

I think the real issue here is sexuality. Do you believe he is gay? Have you accepted this? although it is confusing after so many attempts to be with you.. It is possible he is sexually confused or hiding behind a homosexuality. Incidentally he might just be bi.

Either way, he choose this path instead of you. Regardless of what he said in the past, he rejected you last summer.

Given everything it's no wonder you're finding it hard to take and wondering what might have been. I think he owes you an explanation and don't be afraid to ask for one. In the meantime do not be seduced by the mystery of a 'lost love'. You are young (so am I) and that sort of curiosity is ripe. There's a wealth of 'potential' between you but in reality you are in an actual relationship that's probably far better than one you would have with your best friend (after so much history and confusion, i think there'd be issues.)

good luck and if it gets too much, put boys to one side completely for a while! XX

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