A
male
age
51-59,
*erek999
writes:I am a guy who has fallen in love with a married woman. I’ve known her since 2003 when I started working at the same organisation as her. I’ll call her Michelle (not her real name). In the beginning I had no interest in her at all. I was in a relationship and my life was going in another direction. Then something happened one day. I’d say it was maybe two years after I first met her. It was like a switch in my head and I can't turn it off. While this was happening my relationship with my partner was falling apart (not surprising but actually I don’t think it was solely because of my feelings for Michelle.)In the meantime Michelle was getting married to someone else. I remember being sort of pleased about this because I thought it would give me closure, give me certainty that Michelle and I had no future.But that’s not what has happened. I know Michelle quite well at this stage. We often travel to work together and we discuss a lot of things. I’ve never told her how I feel about her. Maybe she knows, they say women are quite intuitive. I always think to myself if something happens to her relationship then maybe I’d say something.. I don’t know, I’d have to judge it if it ever happened. I hate that I’m the sort of person who would be pleased at that turn of events. I wouldn’t want to be part of the reason she split from her husband. But I know she’s not very happy.. I know this by simply listening to what she says.I have no idea if she has any attraction to me.. sometimes I think she does from what she says and does. Of course I would love her to be interested in me but that’s not why I’m writing this letter.I’m assuming that nothing will ever happen with her and me.. but my feelings won't go. I would love to get help to break out of the spell of my feelings for her. It consumes me too much and interferes with a lot of what I think about. I’ve tried other relationships and in fact I’ve been with someone else for about a year. We get on really well and have a great time together but part of my brain is running a parallel relationship with Michelle which is unfair to my partner. I want to be free from it. This has been going on for about 6 years now.. what can I do?
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female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp!  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Hey :) It is always so fustrating being in this situation and it can be painful too. I am afraid you cannot help who you fall in love with and as you work with her escaping her is almost impossible.I will tell you this you might be able to rid yourself of these feelings by perhaps moving jobs, moving houses and deleteing Michelle out of your life forever, and then you just might forget about her and stop loving her. But as she is your friend and doing all that is irrational I suggest you don't do it. This person who you have been seeing for a year you need to think long and hard and ask yourself do you really love her and if so do you love her more than Michelle? Personally I think that you should tell Michelle about how you feel and see what she feels. Perhaps if you knew she didn't have any attraction for you these feelings might disappear and you would just see her as a friend. But I warn you. Think hard, if you do tell her what you might lose, and what your current partner will make of this. Perhaps you should sit with your partner and explain the situation calmly and say that you need to get these feelings off your chest. Hopefully she will understand. Hope this helps ;)
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