A
female
age
36-40,
*ammyB
writes:Please help.I am 21 and have been seeing a guy who is 19 for 4 months now and he is amazing. We love eachother so much - we say the same things at the same time and laugh at the same things. The sex is amazing and he constantly tells me how he can't believe we found eachother and is always trying to do things to show how much he cares. We're best friends and tell eachother everything.Lately though, i've started to become really depressed. i take weightloss pills even though i'm size 8 and constantly feel as though i'm not good enough or i'm going to lose him. We spend basically everyday together and I feel trapped. Some nights he shows up in the middle of the night after leaving his mates back in town in a club to come see me and knocks on my window. He doesn't like it when any other guys text me (i have a lot of male friends and get asked out a lot)However, I've started to push him away because i'm convinced that i'm going to lose him. I'm also convinced that he's attracted to other girls and that he hides things from me. I don't know how to stop this paranoia going on in my head. It's breaking us up. What i can't understand is how i went from being so confident and outgoing as a single person to being like this when im in a relationship with someone i love? I thought it was meant to be the other way around!I'm being sucked into a huge dark hole of depression and i am worried that things will turn ugly if i don't change something soon. What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): You said it.. this isn't about him and your relationship... this is about YOU! It is important to start taking care of YOU or you will lose him and yourself in the process.First bit of advice is to seek help for your depression. Alot of times it can be caused by inadequate diet, unbalanced hormones, or many other stressers, etc. Find out what is causing it and start recovering.If it's caused by your low self imagine, then talk to a professional. They can help you to get to the root of your problem, so you can start to heal. If this man is as great as you say he is then he will love and respect you even more for getting something done. If you want someone to love you, then there has to be YOU to love. That means you need to find out who you are and what you want. Don't ever shape or mold yourself to someone else's liking. You'd be only cheating yourself and the one person you're truly meant to be with who would love you for who you are.Skinny is not everything. It doesn't make you better or worse and when a man loves you, he loves you anyway you are.GET SOME HELP and BEST OF LUCK!
A
female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (22 January 2007):
 first of all.. you HAVE to stop thinking so negative all the time. once you start with that mind set its hard to think positive. it is your negative thinking that is making you so depressed. instead of thinking so negative think about the good in your relationship and the true bond you both share with each other. by thinking negative isnt going to help your situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Are you feeling suffocated by this man? Do you think you are being bad to him to make this break happen? Everyone needs their own time, space and thoughts but he appears to be crowding you right in. He may not be right for you, you are finding out. Think what you would like a relationship to be like. It is great to be really close and to trust someone, but it is not necessary to let someone control your thoughts and actions like this. I hope you don't mind me saying that it seems obsessive. I don't think you should panic, just let your head go quiet. Watch what happens with him, decide whether you really like the way he is with you. Do you need an obsessive boyfriend because you don't love yourself very much? I have seen that situation so many times. If it is true you need some counselling and I would try cognitive behavioural therapy. It challenges the thought processes and conclusions that people reach, which lead them into destructive relationships and low self - esteem. It works. Don't worry, it will all be fine whatever happens. This situation is not disasterous, it is just you growing, experiencing and choosing what you want in your life. Learning these things can be painful, but very worthwhile.
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