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I'm having some trouble with my crushes

Tagged as: Crushes, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 December 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 December 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 13-15, anonymous writes:

I'm having a lot of trouble with my crushes. Do you have any advice on what I should do? How should I deal with this? I'm dealing with a lot right now and I want to resolve all my crush problems first.

Basically, around a year ago I started liking this guy. He's really clever, funny, sweet, kinda cute and I felt really at ease around him. I actually thought we could be friends. Then, a few months later, one of my friends told him I liked him. This kinda ruined our friendship and now he goes out of his way to ignore me. Some of my guy friends have even admitted that he hates me. I'm trying to forget him but I just can't.

Then there's this girl I met this year. I wouldn't count her as a crush as I only really like her for her looks, but I am just thinking about her a lot. I mean, she's really, really hot. She's part of this big popular group so there's no chance of even saying hi to her. The closest I'll get to her is being forced to work together at school.

Now it's the last person. I met him at this theatre group I started in September. I found him really funny too (although everyone else was too) and kinda cute. I recently went to my friend from a different school's party and he was there. I made a comment about knowing him and so my friend as a joke told him I liked him. He said he didn't like me. I thought I didn't like him back but now I'm not so sure. I can't stop thinking about him and he makes me feel really happy. The worst part is my friend also has a crush on him, so I don't want to tell her. I don't really wanna tell anyone after his the first guy went.

I'm sorry this was such a long post but I just need help. Can you help me cope with these feelings or get over them? Or maybe even help get closer to one of them? Just please help me I'm too young for this.

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A female reader, CassieMosswing United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2017):

CassieMosswing agony auntThese boys don't seem ready to like girls or...maybe they just don't have a crush on you back. Your not too young to have crushes. It's a temporarily love but doesn't really mean anything for so long. All you need to know is that you should enjoy these crushes...and not worry. Also, channeling your thoughts by doing art or other activities wouldn't be such a bad thing. Don't ever think your crushes and feelings are cantankerous that needs to be fixed. Let them through and go, Like thoughts.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 December 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHey sweetie believe it or not you are not to young for this. You are at an age where you start looking at boys or girls in a different light. You will develop crushes and feelings and it will be good and it will be bad. Please remember though that it is all normal and all part off growing up. You will look back in ten years and smile fondly at these memories.

Okay now lets go through your crushes, guy number one well I am sure that he does not hate you, it is more likely that he does not know how to respond to a girl liking him. Believe it or not girls mature quicker than guys and he probably doesn't have a clue what to say to you and is embarrassed. He is not ready for crushes or liking girls, that is okay but you need to accept that and forget about him. I know it is difficult but it will get easier.

Now as for the girl. It sounds more likely that you look at her and envy what she has. To you she is good looking and popular and maybe you want to be more like her, it is also possible that you are attracted to her. Either way just because she is popular doesn't mean that you cannot be friendly say hello and try and make a conversation with her. You never know what could happen until you try.

As for guy three, well again it sounds like he is not looking for any crushes at the moment. You are experiencing feelings and hormones are high so you are going to have more crushes and think about this stuff more. But it is okay. There will be times in life you and a friend both have crushes on the same person, but it is okay to tell her how you feel and tell her that her friendship means more to you.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (10 December 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntCrushes are a sort of "trial run" or - in theatrical terms - "dress rehearsal" for the real thing. You are starting to look at certain individuals and find them attractive. This is totally normal.

What you have to understand is that not everyone YOU find attractive will find YOU attractive back. Some will, some won't. Also some may not be looking for anything but friendship. I doubt the first boy "hates" you. I think he was just embarrassed and has to act big in front of his mates. Keep acting towards him like nothing happened and he will probably relax a bit in time.

And you may need to look at who you class as friends. Real friends do not go out of their way to embarrass us or make like more uncomfortable. They protect us and keep our secrets.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 December 2017):

You're at that age that you're beginning to realize your romantic feelings. They're so new and confusing that it will take a little while for your mind to figure-out how to control the thoughts. It's normal, and it kinda fixes itself.

One day you like this one, then that one; and before the end of the week, somebody else. You spend too much time day-dreaming and thinking about crushes. When do you get your schoolwork done? Don't you have chores and hobbies? Do you have friends? You have a lot of time on your hands and nothing to do with it. I mean physically or intellectually!

Focus on your studies. Your teachers are letting you down if they leave you so unchallenged and left with time to do nothing but crush and daydream! Either that, or your grades are suffering; because your mind isn't focused. If that's the case; then your parents are letting your down by not noticing it.

Talk to your school counselor. See if there's some school projects or extra-curricular activities you can enjoy that will keep both your mind and body busy! You probably don't get much exercise, because you're caught-up in daydreams!

A one-track mind makes a boring and one-dimensional person. So pickup some hobbies, and read to expand and stimulate your mind.

You need to focus on schoolwork. Channel your thoughts and energies by being creative. By expressing yourself through music or art. Give your hormones a rest!

You should be talking to your mother. These things are what your parents are there for. Not online with strangers who don't know you, your life, or your feelings!

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A female reader, I'mJustAnonymous12345678 United States +, writes (10 December 2017):

I know this is simple, but just go with whoever makes you happy.

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