A
female
age
26-29,
*mallbutmighty
writes:Lately my mum and me have been getting into a lot of arguments and although when she is in a good mood she is like a best friend, when she is in a bad mood she is being horrible. My sister and I have realized that she always thinks she is right. even if the world has a different opinion she is 'of course' right. She is being horrible and thinks she is the only person in the world with problems. my brother and her get into arguments constantly and i get the brunt of it when she is done with him. Coming home to my mum is normally the nicest thing ever or the worst and i don't know what to do anymore. I have tried talking to her about how i feel but she won't listen. thanks :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): In my experience... well ok, my experience was essentially the same as yours but without the sister. I tried everything with my mum from mutual friends, to friends that were just hers, family members, written communication, written contracts and being a doormat.
None of it worked and the end result was that I had to leave home because she tried to control my life up to the point where she would lock the kitchen so I couldn't eat when I wanted to (apparently didn't matter that I paid for my share of the food) and bolted the door when I was coming home late, whether she knew or not.
I think you can try a few things, not saying it will work but at least you can say you tried you know?
1. Stay with family or friends for a while. Make it clear that it's only for a while, hopefully she'll have time to think about how she's making you feel and be more open to communication.
2. Get the respected family member in on it - for me it was my grandmother, her mother. Even if she doesn't accept what said family member says, at least she may behave better until you are on the same page.
3. Any and all of what I mentioned above. Just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for you, your mum might be a tad more reasonable.
One thing I will say is that it doesn't usually last. Mothers and daughters will always fight more, especially around the teenage/young adult times... maybe to do with primal assertiveness I don't know LOL. Point is it won't last, so don't lose hope yet.
But definitely don't try to tackle this alone, from the sounds of it, you need help.
A
female
reader, lady empress shona +, writes (13 February 2011):
 Hun your problem does need to be sorted out. You are clearly not happy and in desperate need of your mum. This a problem that most teenagers face "communication barrier". I guess you have already taken your mum to the side to talk to her?So nothing has changed there?Try writting her a letter,but try not to be harsh as you have only one mum. Beside all of the conflicts I am sure, letting her know will help alot. This will create an emotional atmosphere, be sure that she will need your comfort, as it is hard being a mother, but also hard being told your kids are hurting. Telling the truth will bring your family onto positive stepping stones.Good luck with your situation. I hope everything pans out.
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