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I'm happy without a boyfriend, so why is it always on my mind?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 November 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 16 December 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Okay, basically, I'm EXTREMELY confused with myself.

Honestly, I'm 15 years old, and have never had a boyfriend. Usually I am happy with this, I really don't care whether I have a boyfriend, and can be happy without one.

I have my GCSEs coming up, and would rather focus on those anyway.

Then, why is it that I've been thinking about it more and more, I don't like it, I am happy without one, and I really don't need this on my mind with preparing to go to college and stuff like that.

I guess I'm wondering, well, all of my friends have had boyfriends, what's wrong with me? I think I'm a nice person, and have a nice personality, what more do I have to do?

I do not want to change myself for anyone! I am not going to, ever! If there is something I want changed about me, I'll change because I want to, but right now, I am happy with myself, so why is it only me and my friends? I don't get it.

I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, you know? I have amazing friends who I wouldn't trade for the world, and have been hanging out with them, doing other stuff to keep my mind off it, but it's soo frustrating when it keeps coming back to me.

I said I don't care if I don't have a boyfriend, that may have come across a bit harsh. I wouldn't mind one, but I am happy without one, so why am I like this. I don't like it, I know I'm happy without one, but the thing that's getting to me a bit is that 15 years!! I know people have not had one in a longer time period, but one of my friends has one, and she seems real happy, my other friends who had one, were really happy, I really felt like the odd one out, now I look back at it I do, and I don't understand it.

I'm really sorry this is so long, but I'm just so confused. I know I keep saying this, but it's true, I am happy without one, but it's frustrating me that I can't seem to get it out of my head.

Thanks for all those who have taken the time to read this, I know it's not the most major problem in the world, but advice would be really appreciated.

View related questions: never had a boyfriend, period

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

pink15: Heyy, thank you soo much for your advice. Your right, being around people you love is most important. Yeah, I'm waiting for the right guy to come along, I think it will be nicer that way. I do have some confidence in myself, but not so much when I think about this, thanks for helping with that too.

Thanks, and yeahh, I will enjoy my indipendence more :), and I will always be myself, no matter what :D. Thanks.

Thank you soo much, I really appreciate your help :D

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A female reader, pink15 United States +, writes (15 December 2008):

pink15 agony auntI am also 15 years old and have never had a bf. To tell you the truth,I've never been happier. I am surrounded by people I love and love me back. I think you should wait for the right guy just like me and we'll be fine. I have a lot of confidence in myself and think you should too! I think that you soound like a really nice person and have a bright future ahead of you and you should just enjoy your independence and just be yourself. Don't worry you'll be FINE! =]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah, I think I will focus on my exams, I'm not trying to compete with my friends, I'm happy that they've had someone to have. I will be focusing on my exams and focusing on getting into college.

Thank you so much for the advice, I appreciate it soo much!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008):

there is no rush at all for a boyfriend and when you find one you will know it is the rite time. i hae been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we have been through so much he has had his exams and i have had mine, although we are a little older you always know what is best for yourself.

no need to compete with your friends, i met my boyfriend when i was 9 and it has taken 7 years for us to become so close. he has supported me through all. there is honestly no rush at all, get your future sussed out then focous on the other parts. at the moment you need your full concerntration on your exams as this is your future at the moment.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey,

I'd like to thank everybody for their advice, it's really helped clear things up in my head :D

Thank you to:

Aunty Rach: Your advice is taken on board, I will enjoy being single for however, long I am :D

Anonymous 1: I agree with focusing on other things, getting my priorities straight and knowing when I'm ready :D

EbonyBlossom: Yeah, guess that does make my problem sound real small huh? lol. I guess that could be true, I never really thought about it like that. I will move at my own pace as well :D

Anonymous 2: I guess my mind isn't ready to worry about love. I am comfortable with myself :D and I will enjoy my teenage years too :D

Blazee: Yeah, I guess connecting is the most important thing, if you can't, then it won't work. Nah, don't have a guy that I'm close with, so I'll wait lol :D and thank you.

Thank you so much to everyone, your advice is greatly appreicated and thanks for taking the time to help me with this, I am really greatful for it :D

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A male reader, blazee United Kingdom +, writes (16 November 2008):

blazee agony auntHey, being a 15 year old guy i hope i can help lol.

Ive been out with a few people and unless you connect well, there is no point at all, its always gonna end badly.

I think its better if you wait, you shouldnt settle for anyone so unless you have a guy that your close with theres i wouldnt worry.

you sound really nice, dw im sure youll meet someone soon:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008):

Enjoy your teens without having to worry about boys!boys!boys!. I really rspect you for saying 'I'm never going to change for anyone..... ever' it shows you are comfortable with your looks but maybe your mind isn't ready to worry about love.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008):

Don't panic just yet! I know a 40 year old who has never had a girlfriend, which makes your problem sound pretty small! You have plenty of time. Maybe people have avoided you because they know you're not looking for a boyfriend! It takes two to tango so if there is someone you like, then you have to make advances too. But don't just have a boyfriend for the sake of having one. I think maybe you've wanted one due to peer pressure but have been in denial of it. It's nothing to be ashamed of - move at your own pace =]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008):

Honestly, your not at all alone. I'm 14 (about to be 15) never had a boyfriend. Not because I'm ugly or anything (most people in general tell me I'm pretty). I just never thought I was ready for the responsibilities that come with a relation (making time for one another, etc). Instead I take my time to focus on things like maintaining a decent GPA. I like being single too. It gives me time to focus on improving my self instead of worrying about if he'll call me back. As you, don't feel strange about all your friends having a bf. You have to decide for yourself when your ready to enter a relationship. That's just my opinion, I hope it helps

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (16 November 2008):

You seem to be on the right track with not being too fussed about a bf, especially with your exams coming up. you have loads of time for a bf, what's the rush?

i always say don't go looking for a guy, the right guy will find you when the time is right. the more you look, the less likely you are to find mr nice. trust me, just enjoy being single. if someone comes along then enjoy it. but you're still young, no need to get serious with anyone.

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