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writes: This isn't properly a relationship question, but I figured aunts and uncles may be able to help me. These last few weeks, I've been not miserable, but yes a bit sad. It's not depression, I've been depressed before, and I'm not sad all the time, but often I think about people who live in awful conditions and it just breaks my heart (I can feel that little aching feeling in my chest). For example, sometimes I'll hear a little child crying in the distance, and I start thinking about ill children, orphans, kids who're starving, then I'll think about the mothers who wish they could give their children a better life but can't. Sometimes I'll see an elder beggar in the street, and I think about all the lonely people who are diseased or depressed living their last years. Etc. I think you get it, I also think about how unfair it is that people are poor, that there are young people with terminal diseases, that sort of things. Somehow, it's kind of hard to shake these thoughts off.Of course I'm very thankful that I'm healthy and that I have a great family and I receive affection, that we have enough to eat, that I'm smart and that I'm at the university. But I also feel guilty sometimes that I have so much and some other people don't and I feel sad again.I know it's not my fault. I know it's not theirs either. I just feel sad. I know I could do some volunteer work, but I guess no amount of volunteering will change the fact that there will still be people suffering around.What can I do? I often think about this, so often I get sad. It's really frustrating, and as I said, heart breaking. Help please.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 March 2009):
We all get like this some times.
But it's reassuring to know that it means you are:
a) a nice person
b) a higher human, you are not an ape, you have these feelings and it's people like you who builds societies.
The way to get over these feelings is to try and do something about it. I know you can't end poverty all by yourself but here is a little story that may help. (It's a bit soppy and Disney but there is a good point to it.)
One day, a big storm came to a lovely island and the next day the villagers had to go and find the injured people, and clear the roads to the hospitals, and start rebuilding their houses, sorting out clean drinking water, re planting their crops. Lots of hard work just to survive.
Anyway, one of the things that the island was famous for was the amazing golden starfish that lived in the reefs just off the beaches.
One of the men on the island simply couldn't face all the pain and devastation in the town so went for a walk on the beach instead, and there he saw thousands and thousands of starfish, that had been washed out of the sea by the storm and were dying on the beach as the sun came up and dried them off, and the seagulls came and ate them.
It was more sad to him right there and then than the crisis in the town and he got really upset. Just then he saw a little girl come running past and she started picking up the star fish and throwing them as far as she could out to sea so they could swim back to the reef.
The man grabbed her and said "There are thousands here and they are all going to die. Do you really think you can do anything that will matter when you can only save a tiny fraction and ALL the rest will die?"
The little girl looked around at all the dying starfish and then at the one she had just picked up in her hands and said "To THIS starfish, what I am doing matters."
The moral of this is that yes, human beings are a horrible horrible species. The things we are capable of make you physically sick if you think about them too much.
BUT, you can ALWAYS make a difference to someone, and to that someone, it will really be a HUGE difference.
So go and bake cakes and sell them at college / work in aid of your local homeless charity. I find the big national charities have the power to do massive balls and events that raise millions so £20 won't matter to them. But your local tiny charity down the road will REALLY be able to do something with that £20 so will be really great full.
Get online, or get the phone book out and find a group you think is doing good work either here or anywhere else in the world, and then go and volunteer to get a group together and call up the local supermarket to do a charity bag pack.
Most charities are in DIRE need of someone to organise the little fun fundraisers and it's not hard to find local band to busk on the high street or in a shopping centre. Even just taking a tin and getting permission to stand by the entrance to the supermarket with some stickers will raise quite a bit.
As I said, you may not be able to stop malaria by yourself, but you could help feed people on the streets of your town and fund someone to help them get off the drugs and booze and get some training so they can get a job and sort themselves out.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 Inyourdreams,
I can relate to what you're saying. A lot of people look at all the suffering and the world and become very depressed. It breaks my heart to think of old people who are lonely, sick kids, and abused animals. I think that you want peace, but you feel guilty about having peace when so many people are suffering, and you have a great heart (cheesy, I know).
You have to think about the things that make you unhappy, and pinpoint the things that you can do something about. If this has been weighing on your mind, your heart is telling you to do something. You have to pinpoint what that is that your heart is telling you to do, and how you can accomplish that.
This world has some beautiful things to offer, but sadly, suffering is, and always will be, prevalent. I'm not sure what you believe about theology, but many people believe that there is a better world than this one. You have a lot to be grateful for, but you should enjoy your gifts and share them with others. As long as you do that, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
All that you can do is your best, when all is said and done, and if you know that you have done your best, this should bring you a sense of peace.
I can't change the fact that suffering is inherent to this world, and it bugs me sometimes, but I've got a choice... I can take steps to change the things I can. Like I said, just do your best and enjoy your life... in spite of all the suffering, life was meant to be a gift to be enjoyed and cherished. If you focus on the sadness, you'll look back one day and wish and wish you had just enjoyed it.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but it's a terrible thing to look back on your life with regrets... make the most of it! You have your whole life ahead!
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