A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 25 year old male, who just got out of a 4 year relationship last week. The girl who I left, I have a 2 year old son with. I left her because even after a year of trying to work it out, the fighting, drama, and unecessary stress was getting the best of me. I was a broke, empty shell of a man with no rights or freedoms. When I broke up with her, I expected agony, I expected intense emotions, and feelings of loss and guilt, but there were none. I was happier. I felt free, and for the first time in years, felt like myself again. My friends returned to me after years of not being around because of my ex, and life is just great. The part that concerns me is that I have no sense of loss, or regret, or guilt, or anything, even after being with her for 4 years. I care for her as a friend, and I want to remain friends, but thats it.I know myself pretty well, and I know how I handle loss, and this just isnt me. I feel better having finally had the courage to do what I wanted to for a long time. My only concern is for my son, but I know he will be fine, he seems happier too because of this. So my question to all of you experienced broken-hearted people: Is this normal? I know I didnt love her, but really, to have not even a slight hint of loss, I feel like a monster. I am not a player, she is my second girl which I have had intimate relations with, and again I am 25, thats a pretty decent track record I think. Second question: This one I think I know the answer to. I am falling in love with her best friend. We broke up last week, and her friend is really attached to my son, I invited her over to spend some time with us and one thing led to another and we kissed. I know this is going to deeply hurt my ex, but I lived the last 4 years of my life for her, and she never gave back, so I have to focus on whats good for me now, and my son. She is great with my son, he loves her, and she makes me feel great. Just being with her is a boost in myself confidence (cuz she is SMOKIN hot!!!, and a nice person)So now, on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being GERRY! GERRY! Where do I stand, and is all of this too much? I really want to move on.
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best friend, broke up, confidence, move on, my ex, player Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): I am the author
Well, we are sharing him, as I write this, he is here with me, but he is going back to her Monday. We have agreed to try and remain adults and friends through this, and as far as the government is concerned, she already wrote a letter stating I am his primary caregiver. While I realize that 90 percent of custody battles end badly for the man, I think I have got a decent case.
But back to the main issue. I care for her friend, and I would never do anything like this to anyone as a means to cause pain, I am just not that guy. I know it will hurt her, and I feel guilty for that, but hasnt this girl already taken enough from me? My friends, my masculinity, my freedom, my god and legally given rights? I wasnt even allowed to go out and see my friends or a fight would start. I spend an entire day doing something nice for her just to make me smile, and she thanks me with attitude, disrespect, inconsideration, and name-calling. I have sacrificed a lot for my ex, is it too much to want something for myself? For the record, her friend feels the same towards me as I do towards her. At one point, I loved my ex, but that faded, and then just the intimacy feeling faded and we felt like unhappy room-mates.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Well good for you for getting out of that situation. I know it so well myself. You should put number one first and do what makes you happy. If you like this girl then go for it. That's just unlucky for your ex that it happens to be her best friend. It's not your fault that you like each other, I'm shure you wouldn't have gone out your way to hurt your ex.
GO FOR IT, or simply life someone elces life againg and miss out on what could be an amazing experiance and a beutiful new start.
The best lesson i have learned in my 23 year life is put number first, you carn't go wrong when you do this.
good luck
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (2 May 2009):
 I'm going with the #5). GERRY! GERRY! on this one. You said it first, so you shouldn't have to ask us what you already know!!!
Moving on is one thing, but move far away from her friends too, especially if you want to REMAIN on good terms with your ex and still see your son. Unfortunately, because you have a child together and he is in her care, she still has the power to make your life a misery if you cross her. Sleeping with her smokin' hot friend would qualify in this respect.
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