A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm crushing on this guy who is married and I'm married too but I'm a little confused. He said that he was married and he didn't think he could ever do anything like that. He did give me a hug and a kiss after we talked about all the little flirty things he thought was cute and that seemed to be it. I tried to avoid him the following week at work but I notice him staring and trying to turn away really quick. The other night he had to get past me to retrieve a document and usually he would ask me to kindly step aside to get by the small space but instead he squeezed by me rubbing the front of his body against the back of mine. It seems like he's flirting again or am I just imagining things??? Is he the kind of guy that thinks it's cool to have someone at work who likes him but just wants to tease??? I don't know what to think. He never told me to back off and he never said to stay away from him. He just looked at the floor, smirked and said he was married and "thought" he could never do "that". I'm not understanding the signs please help......
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): what is wrong with all of you married people out there? I notice that most of you don't even mention your spouse in your questions of whether it's okay to cheat. Why did you get married? Are you willing to throw all of that away on a fling? Buy yourself a toy and forget about the guy.
A
female
reader, aka ms phoenix +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Exactly Tisha-1, you took the words right out of my mouth. I too am wondering what your motives are because you say you avoided him but still are confused. And you let him rub up against you with saying anything. When you get this type of response to harmless teasing, it's time to leave this person alone. Or is it harmless teasing? What signs are you looking for?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 August 2008):
 How do you want to be treated at work? Do you want a man touching you inappropriately? Do you want your co-workers to begin to wonder what's going on between you two?
Stop wondering about his motivation, and start examining yours.
Maybe you like the attention and it feels flattering to have a man flirt with you. Personally, if a guy rubbed the front of his body against the back of mine at work, knowing I was married, I'd let him know that if he EVER did that again, I'd report him to HR in a heartbeat. I'd also cry out as if he had hurt me, and embarass him as much as possible, as a deterrent to future inappropriate touches.
Look, everyone who is married has temptation visit at one point or another. This is a test of the strength of the marriage and of your character. You can decide to go with the flirtation, and see where it leads you, or you could indulge in some mild harmless flirting, provided that you also made it clear that NOTHING would ever happen. Then you'd go home and harness those lovely feelings of being desirable and direct them at the man who loved you so much he wanted to marry you.
Good luck.
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