A
female
age
51-59,
*arie.m
writes:Hi, I am looking for some advice. I have been in a relationship with my partner for the past 6 years. I always trusted him, I felt I had no reason not to. Last month we got invited to his work mates engagement party and he said it would be best if we didnt go. I found this strange and he was getting all flustered trying to make up excuses. To cut to the chase, he finally admitted he had been working with a female co-worker ( he told me previous he did not talk to this co-worker) and they had been getting on well in work and he started to gossip about other people in the office to her. Then after a few months he decided not to talk as much to her ( his story is that he began to feel she was a bit dangerous) and she went back to others in then office and told them what he had said about them, as a result he had been experiencing harassment and was being laughed at to his face by people. He had never told me any of this. He also said he had dropped this co-worker into town after work on about 5 occasions over the previous 3 years. I am hurt as I had no idea he even spoke to this woman, he swears nothing happened and I do not know weather to believe him, I feel i cannot trust anything he says. I would appreciate any insight in to what people might think of all this? I think it was not right that he gossiped and can understand how his co-workers felt about him, only for the invite to the engagement party I could still be non the wiser on all this. Thank You.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): OP if I were in your shoes,I would start thinking like this:
What went wrong between them that she turned on him and gave him up to his colleagues?
If you could get the answer to that,I am sure lot of the mystery would begin to unravel.
A
female
reader, marie.m +, writes (27 November 2012):
marie.m is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Honey Pie, thank you for you comments, i would say he would love to leave the job, but at the moment there are little or no jobs available in the area he works in. At present he is he is hoping his workplace will close down due to the recession and he will get redundancy. I am trying to make sense of all of this and my biggest doubt is did things go further (sexually) with this co-worker, he says nothing happened that he just be-friend-ed her and used listen to her sob stories and he gossiped and did not realize she would take the gossip back, ( extremely stupid and naive of him to say the least).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 November 2012):
 If this really happened WHY hasn't he been looking for a new job?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 November 2012):
This is 100% fishy.
I would be honest with him and tell him STRAIGHT to his face that you don't believe a word of this. Now he can get defensive and try and pin this back on you or the "evil" female co-worker but if it truly is innocent, he would let you see the truth.
Go with your gut.
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A
female
reader, marie.m +, writes (26 November 2012):
marie.m is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. This is my first time ever doing something like this. It is good to know there are people willing to take time to answer my question. Cerberus I was thinking of going into his work place but I didnt mention in my question that when all this story broke he was almost suicidal and went for professional help, so I feel if I was to try take it further I might push him a bit too much, I dont know? He is in weekly therapy since and I know he is trying to deal with whatever he has to, but I still find it so hard to put it to bed and the doubts keep in my head. @ Female reader, I totally agree that after 6 years this completely shock my core and I have not got back to any form of peace of mind since and I do not think any partner is worth putting ourselves through that. Thank you.@So Very Confused, yes I am trying to come up with subtle ideas where I could have encounters with his co-workers to see if I could get any info.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): Jesus, what a crock of shit.
I wouldn't believe his bullshit cover story either. You know I'd actually play the white knight spouse to him, that is determined to save him by speaking to management about his allegations because he's obviously too scared to. I'd tell him I'm going to do this, I'm your wife and it's happening unless it's not true. Seriously he can't have any excuse. If he tells you not he'll sort it, then you'll say he hasn't been able to so far you're going to do it. No matter how much he pleads and begs tell him you're going the management to make an official complaint of harassment.
And be prepared to actually go into his work and speak to his colleagues and see what they have to say.
We all know he's lying OP, but until you catch this weasel out you're not going to know the truth. He will either do everything he can to stop you going in or he'll tell you the truth. Now in the off chance that he is telling the truth, then you're just being a good wife looking out for your husband. can't lose can you? if he's being bullied it needs to stop, if he's not and he's lying you get to fuck him up big time, not only by catching him out but outing him in work too.
Damn I'd actually love to have to do all this stuff. You literally can't lose here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): IF your partner had nothing to hide, then why did he keep this female co-worker of his a secret all this time? That would be my question, BUT something tells me that you know on a gut feeling level, that your partner may not be telling you the truth. After 6 years of being with your partner for 6 years, at this point, the relationship should have progressed to the point of being open with each other 100% and not doing anything that is going to test or break a trusting bond. You shouldn't be 6 years later, questioning his integrity, questioning his loyalty to you, questioning why he hid this female co-worker from you...it's ridiculous at best! You want to feel comfortable in your relationship, you want to feel relaxed, at ease...NOT all hyped up, not worrying, not feeling insecure...that's not the type of relationship any decent person should want or stay in.
Honey, you have a lot of thinking and deciding to do. I know it's not easy to give up on something or someone you really love with all your heart, but I have "been there and done that" and one of the things I do know is that once a person starts cheating and lying on you, it doesn't really stop in MOST cases - NOT all, but in MOST cases. And that's not a ride I want to take ever again in this lifetime...nor should you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 November 2012):
 He's trying to keep you totally away from his co-workers and to me that's NOT acceptable.
He's lied to you
your gut tells you something is going on and i"m betting your gut is right....
I would not believe him or trust him either.
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