A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:I have a concern:Ok i hav dated my bf for a year now. Back in January he told me he still had some feelings for his ex (the reason y they dindt work out was cuz they cudnt get married..our culture is diff -- we ask parents approval and her parents said no. They still talked (obv u cant b friends w/an ex) when she went away for a couple months he met me and really felt for me..we started dating (i really felt special cuz he doesnt like girls easiily) Then in jan he tells me im not really over her (obv cuz they still talk) he even saw her behind my bak but they just hung out as friends which i still hate till this day..but got over. I really had issues with this and went on breaks, etc but each time i realized i like my life better w/him around only cuz hes just a great guy who cares for me and loves me, i really see that in him. I got over it thinking...ppl have ex's we always hav a little thought about em..im just blowing it out of proportion and prob making him think more about her...he stopped talking to her in Feb. We got bak on track and he asked his parents about me (for marriage) and they said no to me...(STUPID STUPID REASONS-just very old skool traditional type stuff) So now that he knows we wont get married, we are still together (eventho we kno we will eventaully break up--im already thinking i need to move on..and yet i cant) he knows that he cant ever be "just friends" with me..just like he cant with her..U JUST CANT...anyways I told him he can talk to her again since we obv. arent gna work out..so he did AND I FLIPPED OUT...i kno..why did i even giv him permission cuz now im bak in the same cycle...we're like the same to him...eventho he says that im on a higher level cuz im with him and shes just a friend (i said no if we cant ever b just firends u arent just friends with her) i basically gave him an ultimatum u talk to her and not me or vice versa..he chose me...i trust him...he told me he wont talk to her if it means not talking to me. So that means he likes me more...Is this normal? I just think now that everyone will always hav something for their ex esp if they didnt hurt them in any way (no cheating just parent stuff) and that i shudnt b so controlling and selfish. Is it ok to be with an AMAZING GUY who loves u and cares for u and doesnt wanna give u up still...but still might hav a little something for an ex? I kno i still think its kinda wrong but in a way i think its ok..i still think about a guy i used to love so y cant he? he sitll is WITH ME AND WANTS TO STAY WITH ME and not give me up and will do anythig to keep me. So shud i stay with him? ahh i love him so much! he really does take care of me i mean it..hes great in every way hes not bad or puts me down never ever..its just this little issue...how do u feel?
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female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (12 July 2008):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionu dont understand...its the culture..watever our parens say goes...im serious..i dont like that mom of his..its not even abt marriage...its about the ex
A
male
reader, Sisyphus  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 1. Yes it is normal for someone to have feelings for their ex, especially if they are not together because of his choice (although personally I think he is hiding behind his parents and just used them as an excuse to break up with his ex.2. Move the hell on, nothing is going to happen here, either because he isn't interested and is using his parents as an excuse, or because he is chicken-shit and unwilling to take a stand against his parents for his own life.3. Imagine you and he break it up (as you seem to think it inevitable anyway), now try still being friends with him when he starts dating someone who acts as you have done.4. As for the whole "U JUST CANT" be friends with your exes, maybe YOU cannot, but many of us can. There is a reason why I was attracted to all of my exes, we shared things in common, got along well and cared for each other. Just because our romantic relationship ended did not mean that all of those things suddenly vanished. Get with the real world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Well, princess, You say he loves you and will "do anything" to keep you, yet his parents say "no" to any ideas of marriage, and he obviously follows there "word" on such things. He gave up his "ex" because his parents said "no'. If the age you gave is honest, then he is an adult man and should be able to choose himself. If he is going to wait for his parents' permission to marry someone, he is not really a "man" and never will be. You may be pinning your hopes on a "gelding" slow runner. I would think carefully about such a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): As for me personally, when I have fallen truly in love with somebody, I forget ALL about my exes. That is a natural reaction for me and it seems to be the same for guys who have fallen inlove with me. After the initial honeymoon phase passes and, perhaps you get bored with your new love, I guess it is possible to backtrack and start thinking about old flames. It happens sometimes. But this usually depends on the person and their type of personality. You are always going to remember your exes. But how far you take it depends on the person. People who have a tendency to dwell on the past, or who always think the grass is greener are more likely to backtrack. But the honest to god truth is that if this guy were genuinely inlove with you, he would not be thinking about his ex. That's about all there is to it. This is just a sign that he is not as inlove with you as you deserve. So maybe its good that his parents said no to marriage.
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