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writes: i have a very close friend she's a girl. she tells me everything, all her problems etc. i'm a good listener. she also has a boyfriend. me and my friend go to same school whereas her boyfriend goes college. were all same aged. anyway i usually walk my friend home once or twice a week home and pick her younger brother on the way. her brother stops at the park while we have an hour to chat. she has so much school work to do she cant see her boyfriend everyday.her boyfriend asked her how come she has time for me after school and not him. although he is at college after for another 2hours. but he had an arguement with her.i was talkin on msn and she was upset. so i phoned her for the first time ever. and she was cryin. i talked to her for an hour. she was really upset. i told her to tell her boyfriend that she's not with me after school but she refuses. she wants me as a friend and doesn't care if he knows.there is nothing more than friendship between me and her. but her relationship is slowly falling apart.i have fancy her but i dont want them to break up. she doesn't have a clue about me likin her.shall i phone her everyday to see if she is ok? she appreciated it first time when she was crying! i see her at school but only for 10 minutes and we dont have time to talk about that.how can i comfort her? i just listen to her and encourage her to stop cryin and cheer up. she loves me for that but what else could i do? and how long is it safe to ask her out if she end's a previous relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionam i really doing the wrong to fancy her? if that's the case than i will just be her friend. i dont want her relationship to end with her boyfriend. i am not evil i just have feelings for her. but if i shouldn't than i'll try and get over her. so what could i do to comfort her more? any suggestions? anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): You're some girls worst nightmare; a caring guy whos there listening to all their problems and knowing the most intimate things in their head - that even their boyfriends don't know - when all along you are secretly thinking (and writing things on the internet) about when the best time to ask them out would be!
She obviously gets a lot from your friendship - she gets to off-load all of her emotional baggage. But why does she see you as such a seemingly good friend? It's because you're not just her friend - you're investing an unusually amount of resources to her problems because you fancy her!
If you did not fancy her - would you be so caring, understanding, patient and interested in helping her? No, you wouldn't!
Whilst she's getting free, unlimited emotional councelling, what are you getting from this 'friendship'. I bet the input of this friendship is not 50/50, although you probably feel it is. You are not getting 'friendship' qualities back - you are getting a feeling of helping a vulnerable person who you do, genuingly care deeply for.
She is leaning on you, and you are loving the experience of being able to help someone you fancy (and probably feel you love)
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, it is not on you, I suspect you are a very caring, understanding, patient and sensitive type of person. It is for these reasons, though, that pursuing the idea of a romantic involvement with this girl is probably not the best of ideas and, in that regard, keep your distance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): Ahh! It sounds like she has A real bond and trust with you Id say just concentraite on being her friend right now.
Cos if its ment to be it will be. So you dont have to tell her you fancy her yet this may confuse her maybe she knows anyway and Fancies you too! just do what feels natral to comfort her dont kiss her or anything because obviously this will cause trouble.
Her relationship mustent be that good if shes upset about Her B.F. you could go out as friends maybe? If her B.F agreed to it!
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reader, Claris +, writes (6 October 2006):
Firsty don't try and push her out of her relationship - you can advise her what you think is best as a friendly opinion but stand by her. Let er kow you are there - don't call her everyday but maby every other day - odd texts asking if she is ok - does she want coffee? let her know you are there for her. make sure she sorts her relationship out with her boyfriend before you let on any feelings - maby when they split (if they do) you 2 will grow closer - whatever happens you have to confess your feelings for her - but don't let on anything whilst she is upset it may lead to depression and she will feel stuck. Stand by her until things sort out with her an her boyfriend and ake it from there when things start looking better - good luck hun
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