A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in this relationship for about a year and a half. He is married but since the start he repeated that he is in hell and is trying to get out. He convinced me to start this relationship by saying that things will be ok soon and that we will be together in public. He spoke about his feelings towards me and how he can't keep it to himself - I liked the guy but always saw the boundaries. Things developed quickly and we both were very happy and sure about us. He wanted to leave his wife this summer but she threatened about their joint account. His career is down the hill too. She went through his mail over and over and threatened me face to face. We tried to break up several times. He always came back and promised better days to come. Lately I remembered her act and I decided to make sure that they are not in contact as he says. I went through his account and found many conversations between them - some where mocking me. I love him. Whenever I minimize contact or show straight face he rages and tells me how he wants me. I never confronted him - and when I open the subject he reminds me that he is focused on his career's problem - which I totally understand but, what about me? What about his lies? I'm hurt - and I'm ashamed that I went through his private conversations. Please advise.all the best, Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I went out (or rather stayed in) with a married guy and never again. I had similar promises from him that never ever materialised. They lie to keep you right where they want you. I am personally glad you looked through those messages etc - but I'm only pleased if you now reach the obvious conclusion which is to get away from him in whatever way you can (change your phone, email account - anything). I used to find similar messages between the married guy and his wife and I still took it for months on end - trouble is my self esteem and respect went down the plug hole so please for your own sake just walk away. Each day will feel like you are born again and the weight of this whole nightmare is lifted.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Wow newsflash, he's a liar and a cheater and you are still sticking around so you can get more neglect and pain. You must enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Sweetie, he is married, and the majority of married men do not leave their wives. They have everything they need.. an exciting life with their girlfriend and the stability of a home life. This man is stringing you along, if he really wanted to be with you he would have instituted divorce proceedings and to hell with the joint account!! There is also another side to this man, if he can cheat on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with someone else. Rather get out now with some of your dignity still intact!Honeygirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): You went through his private conversations, found out the truth, that he has been lying to you and manipulating you for all this time and you are more ashamed to have gone through his private mail?
I think you have a lot of self-confidence issues, you have allowed this guy to use you, and feed you lies. Personally, I think this guy is very confused himself, but above anything, he is weak.
He is not brave enough to leave his wife, and he is not brave enough to leave you. He needs to learn that he can not have both of you, and that he is hurting the pair of you. I have no doubt he is telling his wife a completely different story about you, no wonder she threatens you, she no doubt hates you more than anyone in the world. In her eyes, it is probably you chasing her innocent husband and it is all your fault.
The only way you are going to get through this is to leave this married man to his wife, move on, and one day when you are ready, find a man who is single and ready for a proper relationship. I only worry that you are nowhere near leaving him, and it is going to be several more years until you finally meet a point in which you can't take any more pain, lies and hurt. Everyone gets to this point in the end, but some people meet it a lot sooner than others. Time to wake up and realise this relationship has no future in it, you've wasted a year and a half of your life, don't waste any more.
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