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I'm afraid I can't find a girlfriend. I am tired of being alone!

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Question - (6 November 2007) 51 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2013)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *acmichael writes:

please help i cant get a girlfriend despite making lots of effort being a male model. Im a 27yr old virgin and its seriously getting me down with loanliness, i dont know how long i can take this frustration. I know women like me to look at but im so bad with them they just reject me all the time. Please give me some tips on how to get more confident and believe in myself because im sure thats the reason for my alonenes and so many rejections

Please help and please dont tell me to just be myself because im shy and low self esteem and i know from experience that women hate that.

View related questions: get a girlfriend, self esteem, shy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013):

Well, I think everybody feel lonely at some point in their life. I will tell you my story, hope it helps you. I grew up in situation where I had to live alone, but I never complaint because I never found time to enjoy and socialise and hence found a girlfriend. I had dreams to live for and finding a girlfriend never come in the way. Well time passed, I moved to a completely different country, and then after a while I realised that I am 25 and still a virgin and how annoying it is that I am meeting girls but I do not think about finding a girlfriend. I started to feel lonely and frustrated. Time passes, and I started to manage my time, reduce my dreams. I reduce the amount of work with less time and good quality and go out to look for fun. I always go out alone, I never made friends (or close friends). I am saying, that I am not good looking, I am do not have very strong arms/body, I am not well dressed, I am not rich, I am not confident, and I look very much distracted, and I do not (or can not) participate in the conversation of a group. But when I started to go out alone, and trying different things, I met people and hence girls. I was surprised from my self, that the shorts time for me between meeting a girl and kissing the girl on the mouth is less than 2 minutes. But off course there were situation, that I happened to truly like a girl, and I chased her for month but not even kissed her. Thinking of now, again I am in another different country, which is a bit conservative. I do not have friends, I do not have any good connection with my family. I meet people and I wish I had a girlfriend to share things with. But well, may be I did not meet the right person yet and I need to wait for the right time. Even if I do not meet the right person, I keep myself busy in my life and avoid meeting assholes, these are the people who make you feel bad.

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A male reader, AverageJoe8 United States +, writes (24 March 2012):

Odds of making 10 out of 10 baskets. one in ten trillion. You’d have to do it a trillion times just to get the odds close.

1 in 175711536, odds of winning Mega millions

Your odds of being attacked by a shark are just one in 11.5 million.

chances of a meteor hitting me on the head, one in 20,000,000,000,000 (trillion)

odds of me getting laid or having a girlfriend one in 1000000000000000000000000 (Yottabyte) 10 to the 24th.

It would take approximately 11 trillion years to download a Yottabyte file from the Internet using high-power broadband.

Assuming that one-half of the world’s population is women, the number of women of childbearing age is around 1.6 billion. I would need to question every woman of child bearing age on a date every minute for the next 171 trillion years. By then I would dead, the sun will have burned out, the earth would be a cinder and the solar system would not exist. Hmm? I’m going to try and build a craft, maybe launch it into space and attain near-light speed, approximately 98% the speed of light, so I don’t upset Einstein’s special theory of relativity. So if I do manage to make it to a nearby planet in a few years I can question an alien “woman” or whatever it may be, out on a date, because earth girls are not easy. If any one wants me, I’m going to be very busy the next few years going over some NASA blueprints. I will be in the garage behind some metal and using an ion reactor. Thanks for nothing.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011):

You are not alone too, honestly i am also the same boat with you and i know how painful to be all alone in this world. I really hope i could change my destiny to a better one some day. ilyas from http://whycantigetagirlfriend.blogspot.com/

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A female reader, Gothic_lady United Kingdom +, writes (25 January 2011):

You know, you're so right. Giving up IS the answer *sarcasm*. You did the right thing, i guess.

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A male reader, nick80 United States +, writes (11 December 2009):

Unfortuantely, I believe that dating has become more difficult than it once was. (in fact, Gen X/Y really does not date anymore). In addition, let's face it: In general we have very little respect for each other in day to day life. This is a culture of greed and selfishness so it is no wonder that decent guys that do not "play the game" are alone in relationships. What Michael is looking for is something serious. There are women out there that are kind and decent, but there are so few that they might as well not exist.

We are also up against a generation of women that believe that acting like complete bitches = strong/independent.

Women in general have become less charming and more conceited over the years. Sorry if this isn't in line with today's PC culture, but somebody has to say it.

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A female reader, lydiarose United Kingdom +, writes (10 June 2009):

lydiarose agony auntok i am a virgin and i know what you mean by the loanliness, it is hard. however girls or some girls are attracted to confidence , somebody who appreciates themselves and is kind. i really feel for you becaus eyou seem stuck in a situtaion i suggest just looking at yoruself and seeing all your amazing bits! stop seeing the bad things and see the good things about yourself and so will these girls taht you like. also i nice girl woudl not reject you just on first acquaintance so search out the nice ones.

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A female reader, ciara rain Ireland +, writes (13 April 2009):

I know how you feel,iam a bit younger than you, i am a good-looking, attractive girl but sometimes I just don't have the confidence, but when someone really gets to know me there's no problem, basically if i was you i would try sort myself out first, usually if you look back into the past there are many situations that have occurred and built up over time to make you feel under confident,

I think its all about being your real self, and feeling comfortable in your own skin, if a girl cant see how amazing you are, cant look a little deeper, why would you want a narrow minded person like that anyway, start believing in yourself. take control, start thinking positive and the best advice, don't force, get on with your life, it will happen for you when u least expect it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 24 and still a virgin. It hurts when I see couples together, especially when it's an ugly/average guy with a decent looking girl. I don't even really want the best looking girl, just someone I'm attracted to. I consider my self good-looking, but not good-looking enough to intimidate most girls, yet the only ones that seem to give any indication they like me are the ones I don't really want. I am constantly doubting myself and my looks everyday.

I doubt my help would be any good for you but this is what I seem to be learning:

*If you want a decent girl, work at a place where there are plenty, like in retail. Even the hottest girls are easily approachable when your a work mate.

*Nightclubs are ego destroying if you have low confidence. Coming home empty handed, seeing average looking guys with hot girls, getting rejected.

I don't know your situation well enough to give out more advice. But I know exactly how you feel. I feel so depressed and have even had suicidal thoughts pop into my head. Even if I go out to a club and end up kissing a girl, I still feel lonely and unhappy, because it never go's further than that. I just want someone to like me for who I am. Good luck, and stick in there.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hi areil you sweat dear. thankyou i wownt go to a self help group ever.

im not scared of rejection not at all now.

to be honest im so scared and stressed of fumbeling a conversation up and loosing someone i like so much that i cant listen because im too scared of a silence so i tend to keep repeating the same questions and it makes me look really dum, i am just so terrified of her going away and of feeling so bad.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

ive gone hrough stages of asking 4 women a day oput even on packed tubes ! im not afraid, its just im not self belif enof but im sick of getting rejected its happened for every single person ive ever asked out i dont wanna just keep getting rejected it just makes me feel even worse and less self belif

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008):

Look man, what you have to do is grow some cojones and wear them! Are you afraid of rejection? Well try this:

1.Go to some mall/club(s)r wherever "they" gather, but make sure it is on the other side of town or someplace you won't go to.

2.Walk up to a girl regardless if she's in a group.

3.Say this: "Hey I have a fear of rejection and want to get over it, can you brutally reject me?"(She will most likely be shocked)

4.If she doesn’t bite and refuses convince or prove her with a light tone like this: "Oh c’mon, is that the best you can do, reject me now!"

5.She rejects you, this is the way to react: "Nice...thank you! 24 down and 26 more to go!” You may actually tell her the number of rejections if you like. And don't get hurt and mutter anything under your breath, be cool.

6.Make a target of 50 or more if necessary.

Remember you’re AIMING FOR REJECTION so you have nothing to lose, have fun and be cool. And I can't stress enough; it has to be somewhere you won't ever visit again in the nearer future. Eventuall y you won't care about rejection and you'll be able to be your "true" self around the ladies. Stay cool and have fun.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hi ive tried david de angelo was getting emails from him every week about how you have to be confiedent , but being confident it doesnt tell you i cant help being nervous and so i cant say much ! im nervous so when i try to act confident it comes over terrably...... i want more hooker but cant afford them

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A male reader, WarlockofDarkness Canada +, writes (14 May 2008):

Hello Macmichael, you wrote: "its not what i dont want to face, its going to a counciller i wownt do it, i would prefare to just buy women rather than talk to a councellor even if i never get a date ever. "

Ok, so you choose the easy way, which in life's paradox, will make things complicated later on in your life.

You ask for help here, but you are not ready to help yourself!! You are not ready to make the step necessary to cure you from your low self-esteem and lack of confidence..

That is called being a Wussy, and even if i don't want to help others that are not really ready to help themselves, there is a man called David DeAngelo that will gladly cure you from this nonsence you are living right now. Just use Google and you will find what he has for you. That is going to be your homework if you really want to cure yourself. I won't give it all to you, you need to work if you want success in everything you do. You might be blessed with good genetics, but you sure don't use it to your advantage! And did you know that some girls are scared of Beautiful men, i sure know that myself.. they categorise ourselves as players, that we can get any girls we want, and that makes them insecure.. see? you are not alone feeling afraid..

Plus, you said something like your friends know how to get girls.. hmm.. why haven't you consider to try to mimic their example? Anyway, you talk about your S***ty personality.. i think you have lots to work upon, before you even try to get another date..

That was just my 2 cents, and if i hurt your feelings enough so that you can move yourself to become a better man, i will feel my job is done.

P.S. By the way, did you know that prostitutes are HUMANS and are sensitive too? Treat them right, not because you are buying them means you can treat them as trash; use them as a way to ask them how they like a man to act, ask them to help you to have a good talk with them, they will give you very good hints about what your mistakes with woman (or yourself) are. Good Luck in life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008):

Hey macmicheal, I got a question. Where are you going to pick up girls. Maybe it's the places your going to. For instance, I would never give my number or date a man who had picked me of the street. Dunno why, just to frightened I guess. I mostly meet men in nightclubs or at weddings, funerals and christenings. I also get introduced to men by friends and family who know what I like in a man. Maybe you could show a little honesty about your situation with some of friends who are girls. Maybe they can tell you where your going wrong, or suggest somebody who might be ideal for you.

PS: Got no problem with you going to prostitutes to give you the comfort you need. After all these professionals are especially knowledgeable about people in your situation. But I can't help feeling you deserve so much more.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

wow someone who doesnt think prossies are evil and more to the point dont think im a complete scum bag for using them ! thankyou, gsmbling with women isnt the problem, its loosing all the time that is.

thankyou

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

I think you're probably right Mac.Just bide your time with prossies - like anything else they provide a valuable service!Plus you end up paying one way or the other.(hooker's probably cheaper in the long run lol!)Just take a breather it can take a while to recover from being jilted.Someone always comes along in the end - then you just have to gamble like everyone else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

Perhaps the two of you should get together?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

Macmichael, I'm quiet shy myself, and have to put on a confident front for other people. Men are quiet suprised when they date me, that in reality I'm a shy, modest bookworm.

Your very wrong about women not liking shy men. I love them, think there very sweet and love finding out their secret hopes and desires that they think no one's interested in. I love men that fumble, and don't know all the moves, it makes me feel that I'm special and (like me) he's taken the time to wait for the right person. I gotta admit, though that good looking men frighten me.

Take care of you!

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

im not suiciedal just only for a few days after i screw up i hate myself for being inadaquite so much

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

I think you're beyond any help that you can get here mate.

Go and talk to the Samaritans if you feel like topping yourself.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ive had enough, genuinly ive had enough of this forever i feel sick to the bone with loanliness, i dont no how to pull and what makes it worse is that women want me looks but i turn them off because my personality is sooooooooooooooooooooo ugily.

Im bitter beyond belife with women because all these unbelievable ugily bully low lifes get loads of them im bitter because child rapists get girls murderes get girl racists bullies get girls and I struggle so badly to even get just a date (3 in 28 years).

I know this doesnt help but how can i respect a sex of people that cause me soooooo much grief and pain and worthlessness ? and NON NO NICENESS EVER ! when i fuck up with a girl that i know likes me i JUST FEEL THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF all the exctacy nice things all the other people have and im just left feeling suicidel, humiliated, self hate beyond belif and more loanly and more trapped than ever.

I dont know what to do i need a girl but people tell me i cant need one but everyone need one its just they get and i dont which makes me more desperate which puts women off more.

More worse is the fact that the more i feel like this the more i cant get a girl which means the more i feel so low which keeps lessoning my chance of a girl.

anyway fuck this im sure someone is jus gonna say dont give in someone will come one day, but they did and they fancied me even more than other women more than any i met but she still went away because was too stumbling on my words.

Im scared now because if i cant even get a girl who realy really liked me then what can i do? and what is the point ?

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ive had enough, genuinly ive had enough of this forever i feel sick to the bone with loanliness, i dont no how to pull and what makes it worse is that women want me looks but i turn them off because my personality is sooooooooooooooooooooo ugily.

Im bitter beyond belife with women because all these unbelievable ugily bully low lifes get loads of them im bitter because child rapists get girls murderes get girl racists bullies get girls and I struggle so badly to even get just a date (3 in 28 years).

I know this doesnt help but how can i respect a sex of people that cause me soooooo much grief and pain and worthlessness ? and NON NO NICENESS EVER ! when i fuck up with a girl that i know likes me i JUST FEEL THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF all the exctacy nice things all the other people have and im just left feeling suicidel, humiliated, self hate beyond belif and more loanly and more trapped than ever.

I dont know what to do i need a girl but people tell me i cant need one but everyone need one its just they get and i dont which makes me more desperate which puts women off more.

More worse is the fact that the more i feel like this the more i cant get a girl which means the more i feel so low which keeps lessoning my chance of a girl.

anyway fuck this im sure someone is jus gonna say dont give in someone will come one day, but they did and they fancied me even more than other women more than any i met but she still went away because was too stumbling on my words.

Im scared now because if i cant even get a girl who realy really liked me then what can i do? and what is the point ?

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A male reader, Andrew83 United Kingdom +, writes (10 May 2008):

Andrew83 agony aunthey Mac..

Your not alone dude, but dont give up now.

I'm the same as you, a virgin only not so shy now and i'm around 2 years younger than you.

I was like you are now very shy, i've had help with it by talkin to people online (it really does help).

After talkin to them online, i decided to cam with them (was a very hard thing for me to do) but it really did help.

If really want to talk about this more, private msg me.

I'l help in anyway i can but its down to you in the end dude.

Whats its to be, to sleep with someone who doesnt care about you, how you feel or be with someone who's around all the time, who has feelings for you, who wants you and much more.

I keep thinkin of just gettin it over with all the time but whats that provin, nout at all really apart from regret.

Talk to your friends, ask them to support you and help you with this prob you have and help you with buildin your confidents up. No one said it would be easy or hard.

Believe in yourself mac, thats all you really need and take it one step at a time, you'l get there and maybe when you least expect it to.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (10 May 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thankyou im happy now just buying prostitutes i dont care about anything else jus sleeping and sharing my bed with a girl is enough to make me totally happy, im content now as i know i can marry someone when im old (50+) because old women dont care about confident people....ill just be nice and nice to the children. nd then screw her like i screw the nice hookers. i want 4 hookers ay year for 20 years then ill marryy. thankyou for your help

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (10 May 2008):

Stayc63088 agony auntTsk tsk. From the sounds of your last post you are giving up ! You are talking to the wrong girls if you say they don't want love and only care about how you pick them up.

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A male reader, 147 Canada +, writes (10 May 2008):

147 agony auntI would recommend this book: Mystery Method-The Venusian Arts Handbook.It's a definite read if you want to understand how to act when confronted by these types of girls.Works very well,you can download the E-Book for free,from a torrent.I'm not giving any links because I'm not sure about this site's rules.Just google it.You have nothing to lose.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

Man I know how you feel, it used to happen to me all the time. That beautiful woman at the bus station makes eyes at you, but your just not able to jump over that hurdle and talk to her. Later the feelings of frustration and self defeat at your inability to act draw you down. You get even more frustrated and depressed, its a downward spiral that you have to break.

First you have to realize a few things. One is that the process takes time, your not mr wall flower one day and rico suave the next. Have patience with yourself and keep at it.

Second is learn who to approach and when. As a rule I always let the woman let me know shes interested, this will be usually be a look. When this happens and you notice her looking at you all you have to do is look back and smile a natural smile. Do not glance at her then look away, this is a sign that your not interested. Do make eye contact for a few seconds and smile naturally and act casual. If she smiles back, touches her hair, maybe acts a little nervous, these are good signs.

For a lot of encounters this might be where it ends, and thats just fine. Remember its a learning process. Also, a lot of women might just want a little of your attention, it makes them feel good to know that an attractive man finds them attractive. Shell let you know if she wants you to approach her, usually with a second look. You have to wait for her to give you a signal, be very aware of her body language and dont approach her if your not welcome.

At this point just try to act as natural as possible, being nervous is very normal and acceptable. As she is likely to be nervous also. Be too suave and shell think your a player. At this point remember its not what you say but how you say it. Dont take yourself or the situation too seriously, at this point all your doing is making a friend. So approach it that way, always smile and make eye contact. You will be nervous and the conversation might falter but if you can openly joke about it that will help keep things light. Try to relax and as the conversation progresses things will get easier.

Do not go out looking for women, they can tell somehow. Its not attractive and it will put them off. If you can, flirt with her through looks and body language for a little while before you approach her, but dont wait too long.

A few final things to remember, always end the conversation before it goes sour. You want to leave her wanting more. Smile and make eye contact, be willing to walk away, be polite and complamentary. And finally starting a conversation with a random person isnt an easy thing to do, dont get negative if it doesnt work perfectly all the time. Some days you might not be in the mood, so dont beat yourself up over missed possibilities. Keep at it, be yourself and have fun. And remember there are always more women out there.

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A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (17 January 2008):

SamuraiRick agony auntMy God, man! You are a classic example to others that looks aren’t everything, and that women love men who are confident.

You say you are yourself, as others say you should be…to be yourself and that doesn’t work…then do the opposite!

Dude…nobody is born out of the womb confident…it takes practice and experience to develop confidence. I can relate to you because I used to be shy and women would misinterpret that as being rude or aloof. I got out of my shyness by action. Doing what you have to do...getting out there and faking it. Yes I said faking it! It’s called acting, if you will. You have to act confident before you can BE confident…somehow your mind will develop confidence skill as you go.

I would develop tricks to get a girls attention. I am American, but I am a perfect mimic with many accents. I can put on a British accent go up to a girl and literally have her think I am James Bond….of course I eventually do let go of the accent and she and I would have a good laugh. But guess what…all of a sudden I have made a connection and made her laugh! How about magic tricks. I’ve done that and gotten women to respond. And not even good magic tricks…just by trying to do something entertaining and even goofing off at it is disarming and women can like you. I could have pack of cards and ask a girl to pick a card, memorize it and put it back….the trick would always end up being a silly endless guessing game after that…but there lies the humor and charm of the situation. The whole point here is trying to make the girl laugh and smile.

So that’s a big part of it…getting her to smile at you. When you have that you are halfway there. The second half is to never let them see you sweat. Never ever short sell yourself. Never tell women that you are bad with meeting women...they could get creeped out about something like that. If they are not attracted to you just accept it and move on…don’t give them ammunition! So keep that to yourself.

You say you ask women out all the time, but always get rejected. Do you even carry out a conversation, or do you just come out and ask? You have to establish a rapport of some kind before you can get a phone number. To just ask any woman no matter how you look, just doesn’t work. You have to click. You have to connect…then you can ask for a number. And by the way getting a number is all you are doing…not asking her out right there on the spot. A number is all you need. After that you call her on the phone the next day or so and ask her out.

As far as asking a woman for a kiss… you do this with simple gestures. Brush your hand to her cheek and compliment her beauty…if she moved her cheek away from you, she is telling you she is not ready. If she stays still and lets you brush your hand softly on her cheek she is ready for you to get closer and kiss. Just slowly move your face to hers and go for it! It’s not always a matter of asking. In fact doing it nonverbally is more romantic.

Now another thing has to be address here. The idea of being rejected all the time. In America we have this game called baseball. And the very best hitters in baseball hit with an average of .300 or more to be real successful. That means 3 out of every 10 times he is getting a hit. That’s only for the very best players. Many major league players can get by with a .200 average and still be playing (for Tampa bay). That’s how it is when asking a girl for their number...you are going to strike out much more than you will make contact... but in order to get a hit you HAVE to play the game. You won’t get hits sitting on the bench. And you know what…even the best of us go through batting slumps. Get over this bad negative attitude.

This is all on you buddy. Get in the game and stop feeling sorry for you self. You’re a model for God’s sake! Act like a man and stop being a pussy! Nobody here is going to solve the shit you’re in except YOU. Be a man, act like man, and stop this crying!

Peace out!

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (5 January 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yes but noone can get love from a woman, everyone acts different infront of women especially my friends who are good with them! so i cant see how anyone gets love from a woman? its all based on how good at getting women you are! personality and things just dont come into it! if it did then i would have had lots of girls now because i have lots of friends so must have a good personallity!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008):

Buying women won't get you love it will only get you temporary sex. You sound like a nice guy so I don't believe that sex is all you want ouy of life. If you really take the time to analyse David's wealth of knowledge you will see that he's not all about cheesy pick-up lines and other PUA (Pick up artist) bullshit. He teaches you to have confidence IN YOURSELF and raise your SELF ESTEEM. These things are vital to being happy and fullfilled in your life, that fact that women are also attracted to these qualities is alsmost somwhat of a bonus. Its not about doing it to 'pick up chick' its about doing it for your own wellbeing, and I guarantee the women and relationships will naturally follow. David Wygant IS different, just give it a chance. Buying hookers will never fulfill you the way love can. Check out his blog, its full of people just like us.

Best of luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

There's nothing quite like answering your own questions!!!

Are you feeling lonely or ignored or something??

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2008):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey buddy might as well just buy women, if you think about it its no different to learning techniques to get women, they only like you for your techniques or confidence its nothing to do with you at all, so my theory is if i buy them then they only like me for the money but thats no different to only liking me for the confidence i have or the skills i have to get women!!! think about it if you cantt get a girl now and you can with some techniqes then its just as shallow! in fact love is shallow! if it wasnt then people like you and i who are not good with girls would have some because our personality and depth and all that would be taken into conssideration!!!!

think about it! buying women isnt that different! and if you cant afford them just save up like i did for a year its well worth it!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008):

I know exactly how you feel man. Im 25 and similar story to yours. Believe me when i say anyone that tells you women aren't attracted to confidence and all they want is a nice guy is seriously letting you down. Women ARE attracted to confidence. They want someone funny and nice also, but they also need someone who is going to challenge them and not be a pushover. I have the same feelings on all this as you, but i found a guy on youtube who is really cool and CAN help you. David Wygant is the man you need to see, trust me. He's a dating coach, but before you turn away in disgust, he is different to all the rest. Just visit his website or check out some of his videos on youtube and you will see for yourself. He's helped me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

your getting rejected has nothing to do with confidence or self-esteem. Women reject almost all men - you have to realize this and get over it.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

its not what i dont want to face, its going to a counciller i wownt do it, i would prefare to just buy women rather than talk to a councellor even if i never get a date ever.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks councelling is a good idea but im not going im too freaked out by it. I would just prefer to buy escorts they are nice and they are good looking and they are easy to pull.

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A female reader, Annoynomous Gal United States +, writes (10 December 2007):

Sometimes being alone isnt always bad.

But if u seriously are down go on to a dating service but be careful or ask some of ur girl friends to go 2 the pub and see wot happens maybe they are feeling the same Hope i can help??!

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (10 December 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thats just plain wrong, if they werent looking for someone confident then i would have had at least one date by now!! anyway its my problem i honestly dont think you understand how frustrating it is to hear the same advice over and over, besides ive got money and i bought a hoare/hooker/prostitute and it was nice,no longer a vigrin.

Ive given up on womanhood because im not confident and i cant even get some advice saying how to get it, i sure as hell aint trying any more uncerconfident stuff theres literally no point as ive never had anything but no all the time forever literally 28 years so please dont keep banging on about the same underconfident advice about being nice and asking to put your arm round her, i mean seriously thats the type of stuff will drive anyone mad after a while.

Some honest advice would have been nice not just some advice making women out to like these great traits in men. Well i bought those lies for too long now i know it makes women look and feel better but seriously look inside and think, i and others actually believed that asking to kiss someone to put your arm round them will work. Please consider your advice and be honest because people will take it and it will mess them up especially if they are loanly like me.

Seriously though i have given up because i dont know how to be confident and it seems everyone here just wants to tell me girls dont like confidence they like considerate guys, but why the lies??? it just means i cant get a date and you wownt tell me how! and the exact people ou say you dont like you go off with all the time why ? why not just give an honest answer and say how to be like those people, how come you just cant be honest its really important because im really desperate now and i dont know how to solve the problem because you just wanna make women look like these lovely fair nice creatures and its your fantasy thats messing up real lives.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

ask her??? has anyone ever done this to you??? thats a clear sign of underconfidence and women will hate that, actually assuming that a woman likes you is one of the key things to getting women thats why i dont get them. My buddies who do get tho are almost arragant is expecting women to like them. Its sad but true i think alot of women are in denial about this, im confident in m looks yeah but women dont want that theyy want a man who is confident about getting women and if your not then like me you wownt have any girl ever unless you pay for it. Very sad.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

wow thanks ariel, that helps a little. However getting a date is almost impossible for me and also when im on a date treating a woman like a friend does not attract them i now because this is how i lost the only woman because i didnt know when to put my arm round her and when i did it was underconfidently and that was so much of a turn off she broke it off because of my inexperience i need to learn timing and confidence, but i dont know how, i dont understand whats so important about confidence it seems literally all the only thing woman is interested in because i have everything else that women say they want.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (7 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I think im not good enough with women because my friends who are good with girls get loads of them i dont know how to be good on a date as just being yourself without knowing when or what to say or do is sadly a big turn off for women.

but i like plenty of girls who dont believe in themselves its no big deal to me! just must be a woman thing i think. "Look impressing people is rubbish " but ive spent my life just being myself and being nice and believing someone will just like me for being me and its literally got me no dates well 2 in 10 years and i failed them both because i just be myself and not know anything about how to get girls.

P.S how do i belive in myself????

I must listen to girls on some level because all my friend girlfriend love me, just no attraction becuase im so bad with them.

I need to be confident because the confident guys are always getting girls al the time and yes they do fall in love and marry, but all your telling me is do what ive always done and thats gotton me a whole load of depression. Your saying dont be loanly and its a state of mind but if you where literally dateless for 27 ears i think you would be loanly too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

I know this most be hard for you, being a male model i am sure girls are probably intimedated by you. I know that if i saw a gorgeous model out i would not have the courage to ask him out or anything as i would feel silly. You need to concentrate on your best aspects your a model so you are good looking obviously, be friendly smile dont let any girl you talk to know how worried and nervous you are.. cause you are prbably quite attractive they probably think you get loads of girl attention. Get out there have a few drinks and loosen up go to clubs you can meet so many people there.. some girls just need reassurance that you are not just going to use them and leave them..I have a boyfriend and sometimes i feel lonely, sometimes i dotn think he appreciates me.. so i know how you feel, when i get lonely i go to the gym or shopping is a good one! lol

What do you model for?

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thsnks, but what happens when a woman does come along and im not good enugh to get her?? i need some help in appearing more confident and how to ask a girl out. Any ideas??

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (6 November 2007):

tux agony auntJust stop worrying about finding someone now. Just focus on being happy with yourself, whether you are alone or not. You are still young. Just go out and enjoy life. Spend time with friends. Just focus on having fun. There is a lot more in life than just finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. If you are constantly just looking for a partner you are going to end up missing out on everything else out there in this world. Just give it a shot. Like I have said, everything will fall into place. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Im scared not to try because thats how i ended up in this mess by just assuming i would find someone. I know im negative thats the problem but i dont know how not to be anymorem how can you expect a girl to say yes when no one ever has?. I cant be happy because i feel so ugily and so pathetic for not being able to get a girl despite so many oportunities. I dont think anyone would be happy if they cheapened themselves so much and still cant get a date.

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (6 November 2007):

tux agony auntI think you need to stop focusing on being underconfident and believing girls will not go for an underconfident guy and start actually focus on raising your confidence. You seem to be too pessimistic in your outlook on the opposite sex. Perhaps you should stop trying so hard. Be more patient and focus on being happy. eventually the pieces will fall into place and you will find yourself a girl. Too often we look so hard that we actually pass by what we were exactgly looking for.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi there thanks im PERFECTLY happy having a low self esteem if i could just get a woman. The reason i hate myself is because it should be so easy to get some of these women because im so bad with women i blow it and i punish myself so much. The other thing is i dont mind rejection now ive been getting rejected literally 4 times a day now so its like im so num to it that its fine but i just cant believe in myself and thats where the problem lies in my opinion.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

p.s i do talk to women but they do literally treat me like a different person when im shy, its true were all humans but its also true that women definately are not attracted to shy people, if the where then i would have a girl now!

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2007):

macmichael is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I did meet someone but because i was so so underconfident she rejected me, i only go for nice girls because i dont even get past the first sentance with nasty girls, i do ask quite a few girls out and they just reject me every time always. how can you say ill meet someone when i did and they rejected me, she was lovely we have all the same friends but im terrified now because no one offered themselves to me like that, and if they do im scared my underconfidence will put them off again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

Hello

Being an ex - model myself from my experience sometimes being too goodlooking can be intimadateing for the opposite sex.

However you want to find someone that can see pass the surface and to the kind, sweet man beneath.

i know its not politically correct but if i am honest try dateing a few older women than yourself. Believe me, your confidence will improve and you will be appricated for who you are and not what you look like.

Then when you go back to women of your age you can just brush off rejection as a part of life, that person wasnt the right one for you.

Also try reading some books on how to appear confident.If you have low self esteam look at what your not happy with and try to improve those things. Most importantly write down a list of all the things you like about yourself.

Knowledge is power, learn the things you feel you lack. Shyness can be an endearing quailty. The way you look after your apperance put in as much effort into the inside of you.

You have the world at your feet,you just havent realized it yet.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

have you ever considered the type of girls you go for might be the problem? If they only talk to you becasue of the way you look then they must be very shallow. You need to talk to some girls and start having freinds. Every girl you meet dosent mean you have to have a relionship. Dont be so scared to talk to them remeber we are all human and jsut because your shy dosent make you any differnt from anyone else. Try talking things slow look for a nice caring shy girl, something that matches your personality. Belive me you will find someone.....Take care and good luck

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