New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login226663 questions, 985798 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I'm a virgin and I'm so scared to have sex, he can't get inside! What can I do to relax?

Tagged as: Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 November 2006) 25 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2010)
A female , *ngel_girl_4573 writes:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now and we both want to start having sex. I am really scared though b/c I am a virgin. I get so scared that whenever we have tried I am so tense he can't get inside me. My legs seem to refuse to open. I am also scared of the pain. What can I do to make it easier?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010):

it's normal fo a virgin to be tensed but u have to feel relax and ur guy should come into u slowly. It pains at first but you guys will have fun.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010):

I understand how you feel. I am currently in a relationship with my bf who has had sex and he knows that I'm not ready. We talk about sex and that's helped me a lot. He'll ask me how I want it and where I want it and if I'm sure that I want it to be with him. I am a virgin and I'm scared of the pain, but I think that the best thing to do is get tested (the both of you), buy some condoms, talk to him, and then talk to someone who you really trust and depend on. This may help you to relax ... its helped me, but I know that I'm not ready so we're gona wait longer. It's ok to wait if he truly loves you he'll understand. Good luck with your relationship and situation

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, ggffd Australia +, writes (28 December 2010):

o.k girl.

seems like ure havin a tuff time. look i was really really really scared too, but look. it didnt hurt. i read a lot of stuff on google of girls hurtin but mine sex was diffrent. we waited till i was wet then he sloly went in me. it hurt just a little. a LITTLE. i cant even believe i ws worried about it. the thing is to be sur ya wanna do thiz make shure thiz person nos ure a virgin and also make sure he loves u. other wise he will go in hard and it will probly hurt cause he wont no u need him to go slow.

good luck! xoxo

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010):

Just to reply to the person who said vaseline: Vaseline and other oil based lubricants dissolve condoms. Do not use it unless you want babies and STDs. Use a lubricant designed for the purpose of sex, that won't dissolve the condom.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010):

Having sex is a big step, you have 2 be ready 100%. I believe that if somethng doesnt happen at that moment it wsnt meant 2 be. I am 18 also a virgin, my bf tried 3 tyms he could get it in. IT WASNT MEANT 2 BE!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010):

Im 16 i have had sex a lot of times( it sound bad but it eint ) i have now got a boy friend and he wants to have sex even tho i have had sex before im still scred to do it naw. all because his down below is the biggest iv had and i dont now how to tell him in scared, this time i just want to waite till the ritte time :)

My mother said the more your in love the more you will enjoy it so you waite till the ritte time trust me all the people iv done i wish i could take them all back x hope you do it when you now your in love x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010):

i sort of know how you feel, im 19 and iv had sex twice, both times far a apart and i didnt do it because i wanted i did it for my bfs and regret it, so now i make the guy wait till im ready. theres no hurry xo

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, elinaki Greece +, writes (8 March 2010):

i have exactly the same problem!!tomorrow i am going to go to my boyfriend's house and we will probably have sex...i was so anxious till yesterday!!now i'm fine and i think i'll be very comfortable because i know he loves me and i love hiim too...if you're scared chill out and think of what you WANT!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009):

babe i've sort of got the same problem as you, i feel like i'm ready for sex, i havent tried or anything, but i'm just too scared. i have a boyfriend and he says he's ready, but i'm just too scared of what will happen, will it hurt? and will it even fit?

xx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009):

i been with my ex for 3 month and i was the one who pushed her to have sex with me.so yall girls should wait till yall ready cause when she lost it to me i really felt gilty .she was in so much pain .now after we broke up,she cant stop fucking other dudes.and she like the hood niggas booty call.so stay with yous V-CARD and dont loss it other wise you'll be good girls gone bad.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, davidcruse United States +, writes (29 July 2009):

it happens with me and my girlfriend before so my advise is -just relax and give him time to manage and insert his penis in u,close ur eyes and choose an easier pose to do it.don't hurry both of u should be relaxed.......... good luck.......

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, VampireAngel Bangladesh +, writes (29 July 2009):

VampireAngel agony auntYour are way to young to be having sex...

Hun im 15 going to be 16 in may and iv been with my boyfriend for more then 3years. and well i love him but iam just not ready for sex.

b,c just for one night of fun could lead up too a life changing night.

1. u could get pregnant

2. ur bf could have a std and u may not know it

3. if u did get pregnant ur life will never ever be the same.

4. after u have sex u have to live thinking omg i could have a std or im going to have a baby or what if he tore somthing inside me! if any of that does happen while ur having sex u will need to see a doctore and fast! so u will end up telling ur mom anyways and end up in alot of trouble.

5. he could be using u just for sex and if ur not good in sex he could dump u.

6. what if while u are having sex u want to stop but he wants to keep going he would be pritty much would be hurting u and well raping u

just some things to think about

but just dont have sex

my bf and i are waiting untill after we are done with school and collage and have a house and good paying jobs befor we even have sex

please hun stay a virgin

onces its gone u cant get it back ever

-*VampireAngel*

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008):

just dont worry. as long as you like this

guy alot, you'll feel good and comfortable.

you will love it more & more everytime ;)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, sex guru India +, writes (3 August 2008):

you don't have to worry, there is a slight pain which you have to bear, after that you will be enjoing. however the pain is also depends upon your partner how he is having sex.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008):

apply vaseline

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007):

damn im only 14 and people are tellin me how much it hurts to have sex for the first time ... i want to do it but im scared of the pain ... everyone tells me as i get older my pussy hole will get smaller and it will hurt even more ... so i want to do it now so it wont hurt as much but then again im just not too sure ... What should I do ?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

If you were truely married you would have already gone through it. No matter how much it hurts. Congraduatations on being a vergin!!!! Once you start sex you will always want it and it's hard to stop. Waiting until your married is better. Have sex with too many guys you might get STD, AIDS, and other stuff. Plus guys with call you hoe. Married they won't do that. Marriage that's the true love.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006):

lost it the other day , thought he'd never get it in, you just need time, be it 20 mins or 2 mnths, to relax, i was petrified bout the pain tho i would call it discomfort more than pain it really wasn't that bad, hope it all goes well

xxx sadie

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006):

You should feel comfortable. If you don't then wait until you are ready. The first time you have sex it hurts, but it is a good kind of hurt if you love, trust, and feel comfortable with this person.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, jackie69 United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2006):

jackie69 agony auntYou need to feel fully relaxed in order to get in the 'mood' for making love as i like to call it, as i only believe it is natural if you are in love and have sex.

For your b/f to get u in the mood i suggest he gives you oral, which would make you relax and loose your inabitions and allow him to explore what makes you happy and not all about himself!

You will feel pleasure and want to express your thanks, hopefully!

If this doesn't work then just wait a while and go with the flow until u feel comfortable with the responsibility of entering into a sexual relationship!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, frank8080 +, writes (13 November 2006):

frank8080 agony auntas all theys good people have said you are ready when you are ready im 18 and still a virgin now i dont know about the tense thing but you should feel relaxed around him and if not wait

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Dr. Reality Check United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2006):

Dr. Reality Check agony auntI think the bottom line is...you're not ready yet. If your b/f loves you, he will understand. You say that you both want to start having sex but it sounds more like he is pressuring you for sex. You clearly have to get more comfortable before you can enjoy sex, so i would suggest waiting a while until you are BOTH ready to do it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):

I think if you are that tense, that perhapsn you are very conflicted about having sex in the first place...how old are you?

There is no time limit on relationships or dating as to when you should start having sex....if you are not relaxed and ready then you are not ready....

I don't want to give you any advice on how you can go against how you really feel, your body and it's responses are a very good indication of how you really feel about something on a visceral level, don't go through with it until you feel that it is right and you want to do this without question.. don't assume that it is something you need to get over. I think you know on a very deep level that this is not the right thing for you to be doing at this time, and that is OK, if your boyfriend loves you he will wait until you are ready if he does not then he is immature and selfish and does not put you first.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):

If you are that scared about it, perhaps it would be best if you waited a little longer. When my lady and I had sex our first time, we had waited 10 months, and let it happen. We both enjoyed it, because we were ready, but let the evening go where it did, rather than trying to force sex.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (13 November 2006):

TasteofIndia agony auntA few things:

First, you should wait if you're really scared. Your boyfriend should make you feel safe and relaxed... maybe just wait another month or two?

However, I do know your situation. I was a virgin when I met my current boyfriend and when we began to have sex, he also couldn't get inside because I was too tensed up. It was a month of trying before it actually worked! After awhile I just got used to his body and to the situation and finally one night it worked. It was the slowest process EVER, but well worth it.

Patience is key between both of you. Lots and LOTS of lube is an excellent thing that will help you out a lot. Maybe try getting a dildo or something that's smaller than your boyfriend and practice.

Take your time, sweetness.

Love, India

xx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I'm a virgin and I'm so scared to have sex, he can't get inside! What can I do to relax?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625!