A
female
age
18-21,
*rsccc
writes:Where do i start? What is the difference between being mentally abused and battered? My husband puts me down all the time. Anything i do is never good enough. He yells and me and calls me names like whore, slut, b****, c***, liar(i NEVER lie to him) and other horrible names constantly. He embarrasses me in front of his guy friends, his family, my family, (i have no friends anymore 4 him to be like that in front of, i dont get to go anywhere). sometimes it will be good for a few weeks and then unexpectedly it will happen again and He gets physical with me, doing things like pushing me or putting his hands around my neck, hes choked me a few times (i stayed conscious btw). He says if it doesnt leave a bruise, its not abuse. But he leaves bruises along my spine or ribs, at one time i thought my ribs were broke. but the more and more he does it(he mostly hits my along my spine and in my head, either punch or hit or throw something)the more and more he does it the better hes becoming at no bruises. he says that me not keeping the house clean, or talking too much or , being to loud when iget excited is what trigegrs these emotions. what do i do! is it worth keeping the house clean and keepin my mouth shut just for his love?
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liar, puts me down Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Vintage64  + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 I know it's really hard, the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but you have to leave him. You can't stay with a man like this. You never know when he is going to start, you can't live your life in fear.
Do what oldersister said get to a shelter and they will help you.
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 You call this love?
Have you ever heard the phrase, first time a victim...second time a volunteer?
Please tell me there are no children in this equation and if there are, you are just as guilty as he is. There's no excuse.
Did you know the majority of homicides where females are victims is due to domestic violence? This guy's going to kill you eventually and you won't be dying in the name of love either, it's about control so time to shake off any romantic notions. You are a PUPPET, not a wife. More like PROPERTY than a partner to your husband, okay? It's not love.
Don't call the police, get yourself to a battered women's shelter and let them handle everything- they know what to do and how to keep you safe. If you don't, you will die.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): leave the sorry ass It won't get any better. The longer you stay the worse it will get
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I think you need to seek some help, it does not sound like there is much love in this relationship.
Think about it, read over what you have just typed out, would it be acceptable for your husband to go up to a stranger in the street that he thought was being loud,call them all the nasty names under the sun and then start choking them and then pushing or beating them? no it would not he would be in a jail, so why is it acceptable for him to do this to someone he is meant to love the person he is married to?
He sounds like that his on some sort of ego trip and is trying to control you, no one should be physically or emotional abusing you in anyway shape or form, you deserve better then that.
I suggest you don't listen to one more word that comes out of that mans mouth, his just trying to bring you down so you end up feeling worthless about yourself and that way he gains more control.
Do you really want to be walking on egg shells for the rest of your life to keep him happy ?
You should be able to be yourself and feel secure in your relationship, you should not be worrying about if the house is clean enough just so he shows love towards you instead of abusing you. This is not a healthy relationship.
I suggest you seek help, try to find a local womens shelter, a close friend or family member you can trust or if none of these maybe even the police.
I know easier said then done, but things could become a lot worse for you mentally and physically.
I wish you best of luck and I hope things work out for you, remember to love yourself and hold your head high.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): You have to first accept that you are in control of only you and not him. He keeps verbally and mentally abusing him because you keep accepting it. You must know that mental abuse is far worse than physical. Yes they are both wrong but, when a man messes with your mind it can take so much out of you and change you, you won't even know who your are or your purpose. Take it from me who young with three small kids and just recently left my husband because of verbal abuse. I realized you are only given one life and I had to ask myself is it worth to be unhappy. I never wanted to be like many women who stayed with a man for years and later say why didn't I leave sooner. Good Luck To You. Don't have any regrets
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