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I'm 5 years younger than he is and I'm worried that once I tell him, he wont want anything to do with me!

Tagged as: Online dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2011) 13 Answers - (Newest, 2 June 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I met this guy online about 6/7 months ago and we started out as friends. He had a girlfriend but there was something obvious between us that we couldn't ignore, despite him being in a relationship, in January he decided the relationship wasn't working and he ended it with her.

We started having an online relationship and we're really into each other. We have both agreed to be faithful to one another until we can meet but aren't making it official in real life until one of us can move to be with the other.

The only trouble is, I'm 5 years younger than he thinks I am and I'm worried that once I tell him, he wont want anything to do with me

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I've told him! He's shocked but he's fine with it. I've apologised and told him I'm so ashamed of myself but he's said it's ok and that he doesn't want anything to change between us.

Thanks for all your help!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I really want to try and make amends for what I've done I just don't know how to tell him or how to bring up the conversation. I'm so ashamed of myself and I know he will be too

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (22 May 2011):

angelDlite agony auntjust go for it. if you want to remain with him you are gonna have to tell him someday, so the sooner the better. how would you feel if someone told you a lie (and this isn't a malicious lie any way)

would you rather A be told the true now or B they keep the lie going longer?

i don't think he'll dump you for this, but if he does, it is surely better for you if he does this now, rather than when you get more involved with him

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011):

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I'm afraid of telling him because we're so close and I think the thought of him being disappointed in me is worse than him being angry. I don't want him to stop all contact as we get on so well. I'm absolutely ashamed of this and it's completely out of character... I know I need to tell him but I'm struggling to find the courage

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (19 May 2011):

angelDlite agony auntjust tell him and tell him the reason why you did it or else you are just gonna carry on worrying about it. he is 19 and you are 16? its not a massive age difference and at least you are not underage. he must have found you mature enough to get along with else he would have stopped contact before now.

do you not wanna tell him coz you feel ashamed of your stupid lie? just put your pride away and tell him you've been dumb,the longer you carry on living a lie the worse it'll be when he eventually does find out.

worst case scenario - if he does dump you coz he doesn't wanna be with a 16year old then you'll just have to suck it up. what you are doing right now is not letting him make that choice coz your keeping the truth from him

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011):

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A friend and I just said the first number that came into our heads. It was a spur of the moment thing as we thought he might not want to carry on the friendship if he knew our real age. It was stupid and something I really really regret.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2011):

angelDlite agony auntjust tell him, don't delay it any longer. your explanation is acceptable i think, just tell tell him is was a spur of the moment daft mistake but then you didn't know how to tell him, couldn't find the words etc. i'm curious to know though why did you lie about it in the first place? i am sure he will ask you the same thing too

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011):

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He's 19, 20 in July. The age difference isn't what I'm worried about, I feel really terrible but I never actually expected it to get this far and I do adore him. I'm just petrified that once he knows, he won't want to speak to me again because of one STUPID mistake that I made in the spur of the moment.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 May 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony aunttell the truth to him as soon as possible...

apologize for the lie.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011):

hmmm well what age is he then?? Because if he is 22 and you told him you are 21 but are actually 16, that won't be a HUGE deal. But if he's 27 and you told him you were 21/22/23 that will really be a big significant difference!! Either way, you must tell him the truth A.S.A.P. It's going to come out eventually and the longer you leave it the worse it gets.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2011):

angelDlite agony auntjust tell him and the sooner the better. people do tell porkies online, that's just the way it is, you did not expect things to develop so it didn't matter too much and after all, he had a GF at the time who he later ended up dumping ( i suspect he may not have if he hadn't fell for you behind her back) so if he starts getting all moral about lies, just remind him that he has not always been honest either

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The title is unhelpful. I'm not 5 years younger than HIM, I'm 5 years younger than he thinks I am. Which isn't any better I know...

We're both in the UK so under 18 is unimportant as I'm not a minor. 16 is the age of consent in the UK, the "relationship" is not, at all, illegal.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 May 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou must tell him the truth esp if you are under 18

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