A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do i feel like this? Im 27 and not interested in sex! I have a gorgeous boyfriend of almost 2 yrs and we have a beautiful 8 month old daughter. I do feel tired a lot what with lookin after my daughter all day so maybe thats why, but even when im not i still dont feel bothered about sex. Its always my boyfriend who comes on to me. Is there somethin wrong with me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Hormonal and lack of Vitimin D. See your doctor. Sex is a joy, regardless of how tuired you are, and you're depreiving yourself and and your marriage of something special.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 February 2009):
 I agree with Natasia. However I do suggest you go see your doctor as well, since the sex drive is gone it could be hormonal, as in your hormonal balance is way out of order.
Having kids is hard on the body. Mentally and physically. Fro some they just bounce right back to their "old" body and old ways, others don't.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, cupids_friend +, writes (26 February 2009):
I am a 20 year old man and no their is nothing wrong with you you are still recovering from the babby and your very tired its not that you don't love or find your husband intiment or sexual its just that your tired and its the last thing on your mind I hope this helps if not let me know anything I would love to help so. Just Let me know
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Hmm. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, and there are so many reasons why you might not feel like sex, but the main things needed for sex drive are usually:
1. That you aren't exhausted (and you must be tired a lot more now than you were - I have a 10 month old daughter, so I know!). You're busy all the time - too busy to be thinking about sex, and too tired to think about it when you go to bed.
You have to make an effort to stir up your sex drive! Even I do (and I have a pretty high sex drive ...). Just, when you get into bed, maybe stroke your partner and remember what it was like before the baby. As he is a nice guy and wants you, I'm sure he would help with the rest! But you do have to focus on it - you do have to make it important.
2. Did you have a difficult delivery? This is often, subconsciously, a complete passion-killer. What happens is that your brain makes some simple connections:
- I had sex with this guy
- The result of that was a life-threatening event (ie, a scary delivery)
- I sure as hell am not going anywhere him in a hurry ever again!
After my first child I didn't want sex for 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I got divorced. And apparently the incidence of divorce after difficult childbirth is higher than you'd think - it is our self-defence mechanism! 'If breeding with him is dangerous, I'd better get rid of him and find a safer mate' ... sounds a bit basic, but it has a strange ring of sense to it, don't you think?!
Anyhow, lots of women go off sex even after ok childbirth, because they need to build up a new relationship with themselves - we're all different, physically, after childbirth, and it takes time to heal our vision of ourselves as well, I think.
Wow, I could go on about this for hours!! Tell me if you're interested, and I will : )
For now, ask your guy for a back massage but say you don't want to have sex. BUT, if you love him, you can always just do something for him alone. Yes, maybe that's the answer for now - just focus on him.
Then, if you want the rest of my advice, let me know!
Don't worry. It'll be Ok.
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