A
female
age
30-35,
*lower89
writes:I am now in a relationship with a man in his late 40s. I met him through his work. Even then before I was with him he gave me butterfly's and he liked me back, which he never hid. We have been together 5months now and I really am falling for him. The problem is I'm 26 and have a toddler. My friend and family don't think I should be with him, My Dad refuses to acknowledge I'm with him or says like, once he's f'ed u enough times he'll get bored, mark my words ect. My Mum keeps saying he's taking advantage I'm 26, old enough to be with him.Then his ex wife whom he has kids with goes around saying I'm a gold digger? What? He's not poor but not s millionaire either so don't get that either!Will people ever accept we love each other we did keep it to ourselfs for 2 months and wish we kept it that way!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 September 2015):
 While I for the most part don't have a problem with age gaps, I have only one piece of advice for you... DO NOT become financially dependent on him.
He is 20+ years older than you. Playing house with a younger a wife and toddler may not be what he really wants (long term) and it may not be what YOU want long term (an older partner). For now though you both seem to want this, so make it work, prove people wrong. But don't STICK with it if it stops working for you and your child.
Don't worry about the ex-wife. I'm sure she knows you are not a gold-digger. My guess is it's easier to paint YOU as a "bad" character than knowing that your ex is dating a "younger model". than her.
As for your parents, don't totally dismiss them and what they think. But let them know that YOU think it can work and you are giving it a go. YOU are old enough to pick your own partner.
On a side note, I have nieces who are in their 20's dating men in their late 40's. And from what I can see/hear they aren't exactly happy healthy relationships. They seem very "uneven" With the older men having all the "say" in things and the "girls" just following. I think one of the "girls" is with him mainly because he can and is supporting her and her kids. The other one? I think she is too stubborn to realize that she is just not a priority for him and... that she is wasting her "youth" on this guy.
^ this is why I say, DO NOT become financially dependent on him. BE independent for you AND your child.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Given that you have a toddler with a guy who is apparently no longer in the picture, your parents and friends have good reason to be dubious about your claims of being in love with an older man you still barely know.Your focus should be on giving your child the best possible start in life and it is not in his/her best interests for you to get into the habit of introducing a succession of strangers into your kid's life.It is also very likely that your new boyfriend isn't really in love with you as much as he is enamored with the idea that a woman your age still finds him attractive at his age.Your parents have your best interests (and those of their grandchild) at heart. Do not dismiss their opinion so lightly considering they know your past history and therefore have good reason to doubt your taste in men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): I read that trying to find your question. You have answered it all yourself.
Your Mum thinks he's too old & taking advantage?
You said your an adult & old enough.
People call you a good digger? You said he's not rich.
Your Dad makes comments? You beileve he loves you.
So where's the question, as you said your an adult, it your life so your choice. Just make sure your child is first. Don't cut your family & friends out. If it goes wrong then you will need them.
Nothing we can say, you haven't already.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 People are being protective on your account and that's good, but unless they come up with some facts about why he isn't right for you then follow your heart.
If it goes wrong then you have to live with it - but it might just be everything you want, a mature stable partner who seems to love you, and your baby.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 People can use and abuse at any age regardless of age gap so I hardly think thats much of an argument when you are 26 years old. It would be a bit different if you were closer to 20 because the thought process and emotional intelligence is a bit more immature. His ex wife will say whatever it is that she wants to say you can't and shouldn't be worried about her and her opinions. Although their intentions may differ from the ex wife,same goes for your friends. If anything a supportive attitude can help the relationship blossom instead of their negativity becoming an issue for you and him by being forced to either defend the relationship, each other or where loyalties lay. Who knows, maybe dads right and maybe dad will be wrong but his cheap shots are really disrespectful and insults your ability to make decisions based on what you feel is right for you and child. If on the other hand you are second-guessing on the opinions of others then maybe you are not ready to commit with a level of maturity needed to help make it all successful.o need to create animosity with those you love but If it were me I would acknowledge their concerns but let them know that you don't wish to keep on being reminded or have your partner rubbished. Pretty much make it clear if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't be saying it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Ignore them. They have no say.
However, take it slow because you and he will probably be in different stages of life, that may not fit well long term.
It may work out, but 20+ year age gaps don't usually pan out for more than a few years because the older one often slows down or moves on from the lifestyle the younger one is just starting or still in the middle of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): You do as you please.
Unless he treats you badly, there's no harm. Everyone will come round. It might take a few years but as long as you're happy.
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