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I'm 24, she's 53. Most of her children are older than me and they accept me, but will this really work?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 19 October 2007)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Can an age gap relationship work?

I am 24 and she 53. I lover her very much and have fantastic sex together. The thing is I sometimes worry that the relationship will not last, even though we are living together and talking about marriage. The reason I am not sure about the relationship is that she has six kids and most of them are older than me. They do accept me as part of the family but I do worry sometimes.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007):

I am 33 year old and my girlfriend 56 year old and we do love each another and we have for 5 year relationship and we dedicated to get marry soon so if you love each another don’t worry what the people says. I prefer old women better than young women. You'd worry too much, many people includeing me get the age gap love tips from Agelessmatch.com, you can aslo have a try.

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A female reader, leanne.od United Kingdom +, writes (14 September 2007):

leanne.od agony auntage is just a number. i was in a happy relationship with a man 18 years older than me. he was a year younger than my dad and considering i was only 18 at the time it effected him more than me. but he was married so it was a completely differntly ball game. enjoy it, she makes you happy and most of all her children except it, you're lucky!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007):

There are no guarantees in life. If she makes you happy, then, you have the same chance of your relationship lasting as anyone elses.

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A male reader, DJ8433 United States +, writes (12 September 2007):

DJ8433 agony auntGeorge Strait fell in love and has experienced the very same age gap thing. Check it out on the web and see how his life has turned out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007):

You are both legal adults, then no one can tell you that you are being silly or that this age gap relationship is wrong. If her kids have accepted you as part of the family..then you need to not be overly concerned. So, assuming, your relationship is a very happy, mutually respectful, caring relationship, your gf and you should discuss and be both absolutely positive that you two have the committment it will take to overcome, some possible obstacles. Some of these obstacles may or may not apply to you both. But I feel they are worth pointing out to you. Or maybe you both have discussed this. If not, it's wise to talk about these below pointers.

1) Health. It should be realized, that when a 24 year old and a 53 year old, get involved... the age gap, physically, grows wider with each passing year. So..no matter how healthy she is now, you may get into some serious health issues that the younger partner (you) could eventually find challenging to deal with, especially in his own stage of life. I am not saying she is old and frail, but progressing age can bring different aging problems with it. When you grow old together, being close to the same age at each stage, can be somewhat easier to manage, emotionally. Are you up for it? Make sure you are completely aware of the aging/health problems that could be a big part of your future. Do you truely have the committment and maturity to hang in there with her, through possible sickness and poor health?

2) Children. Huge issue to think about. You really, really may want to be a Father, someday. Are you prepared to give this opportunity up. Maybe you don't want children but you are only 24 years old. That whole perspective could change when you are 30 plus. Some people state, we can get around that "we'll adopt". Great, good...but her life expectancy may not match a child's growing-up years. And a lot of older gals do question their level of patience to raise a child and cannot see themselves as being able to cross the generation gap with their younger partner, when it comes to proper parenting.

3) Energy. You may find that she no longer will have the desire to participate in doing activities that you like to do. (dancing, concerts, physical sports/activities) You and she may do things together now but that could change for her, in 15 years time. Whereas, you at 39, will still be young enough to want to do a lot of energetic, active things, still. She will be 68 and may not want to share that with you anymore.

Depending on your maturity level, your personality, and your life goals...you both could match well together. But it is a good thing to really sit and talk about the possible future issues and obstacles that could crop up. . Mainly "health and children" issues. Two biggies! If you haven't discussed this or thought about it...best to consider all this seriously and talk with her about it. Perhaps you have talked this over and if you both have agreed, none of this will be an issue--then great! Good luck and I wish you both happiness.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007):

I agree with "eyeswideopen", everything may seem good now when she is 53, which is still young really. But when you are that old and she is in her 80s it is unlikely that you will still find her attractive. This seems unfair when at 53 she got a toy boy and at the same age you get a pensioner. Attraction is a major part of a relationship, and even though people say age doesn't matter...it does in that sense. And you also have to think about losing her when you are still young, which would be so painful for you.

But if you love her then its always worth sticking it out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007):

If you are both in love with each other then age shouldn't matter. But there are a lot of people out there that would find this situation a bit sick! Dont let it get to you and spoil what you two have. Enjoy the moment and i hope it last forever.

Take care

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007):

I think if you love each other and are enjoying each other then I would continue for as long as it lasts or until you make your decision about wanting to get married.

It may be too premature to talk about marriage, it is a huge age gap, but men do it all of the time, marry this young of a woman, so why wouldn't it be OK in the reverse, and even more so because women out live men 2 to 1...

You never know what life will bring....if it doesn't bother you, and you have decided you don't want children so that doesn't factor in, then the decision is entirely up to you, no one can tell you if a relationship is going to last, 50% off all marriages end in divorce in the US.

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A female reader, bethlove United States +, writes (12 September 2007):

Of course they can. They always have and they always will at Agematch.com. Age gap has nothing to do with how well two people connect, and how well things will work out. Age should never be an issue when it comes to two people connecting and loving each other. It's just a number, it doesn't mean anything more than that.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (12 September 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntWow you've got quite the age gap there, Dude. I'm assuming you are okay with the fact that she won't be giving you any kids and that when you are 34 she'll be 63, and when you are only 44 she'll be 73, and when you are 54 she'll be 83...I know I sure couldn't handle it. At least you don't have to worry about growing old together, she's already beat you there.

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