A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So yesterday I had a "houseconcert" of piano, quite like an exercise for the real concert in 2 weeks. It was organised by my piano teacher. It was at his house. Unlike the usual concerts, it was a warm concert because there were only 9 people playing. So I talked to everybody. And there was this girl, it was like love at first sight !! Talked to her and etc, had fun, but didn't have much time since my parents were already too early to pick me up.Thing is, I thought she was like 16 or something, but she told me she's 12 .... appearances.. But she was so sweet and I really like her. Even as a friend i'd be happy.But the thing is, i'm 17.. You think i'm crazy to really like this girl that is only 12 huh? But she really doesn't look like 12 and she's so sweet.. I might see her in 2 weeks at the real concert although i'm not sure she's actually going to perform at this concert too.. She doesn't have facebook I think (I can't remember her last name..), I don't have her phone nr :(Is it okay to just be friends? I just think many people will think i'm somebody who i'm not and the parents or sth will disapprove.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Cerberus I don't play games online, it costs too much.
I have nothing against drinking, I love it and imo it's not so bad to do it for your health. I don't care if they do drugs I guess. But the thing is, I've tried making friends with them and it's impossible. All they want to do is go to parties. If I don't go to parties with them, my friendship with them will not get better. My health doesn't let me do that. I shouldn't be drinking either. In 2-3 years I should be able to be "healthy" again, once I finish recovering from my long long lasting mononucleosis.
Yes you're totally right I'm quite lonely, but I try making friends with them (and I'm good at making friends, I used to have so many friends in the previous school, 4 years ago but I lost contact with all of them due to circumstances and they're mad at me..) but it's like THEY don't want to. I'm just a "superficial classmate" to them.
I'd love to go meet new people somewhere.. But where?? I only see 2 options: University == Since I'm going to study informatics: 99% of chance there won't be a girl in my class.
Work == that's a long time to wait .. (6 years)
And btw, I've had a gf 7 months ago.
You know, I just want a friend I can hangout with and when I want to go the cinema or sth, that this friend will go with me & maybe a gaming night or movies night with some beer, you know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Surely you have lots if friends online that share your hobby. I presume you play MMORPG's and/or xbox live. There are lots of ways to make friends on those.
You know just because people like to go to parties and drink, take drugs etc. Doesn't mean that's all they do and you don't have to drink or do drugs to go to parties either. Besides not everyone that goes to parties do that and there are lots that don't like drinking etc.
Look you don't have to be mutually exclusive, if your prerequisites to making friends is that they game then your putting too narrow options for yourself. Try moving out of your comfort zone every once and a while. Being a gamer is a physically lonely past time because it requires a lot of time and dedication to be good at any game, which means you spend lots of hours alone at home on the computer. The piano is kind of the same lots of practice on your own.
It seems to me this girl peaked your interest very quickly because you're a bit lonely, but look at 12 she would not make a good friend, you would have absolutely nothing other than music to talk about and well she can't do anything fun because she's a child.
Your standards for friendship and girls is WAY too high. You're too picky. The majority of girls your age drink to cut loose, even the ones that don't drink like to get dressed up and go to parties or go to pubs and clubs. I think you have the wrong idea about the whole thing. You say you're against drink and drugs, why? I mean I understand you don't want to take them and that's probably a good thing for you but if you're so against them that you won't go anywhere where people are doing that, then you're really limiting your options. You're cutting out 90% of the population from your potential friends pool based only on that.
The way it is simple if you want find more gamer friends in real life then take up warhammer 40k or other similar table top game. Find your local game shop or find local tournaments or others nearby to play with in real life. Most of those people play computer games too.
Get rid of your attitude regarding drink and drugs, as far as other people go. You don't want to drink or do drugs then don't. But being against them is pointless, I've been to plenty of parties sober and had a great time. Met some lovely girls and made some good friends.
Most of all though try not to group people into categories, of gamer or drinker. People are just people, they're not defined by what they like to do to cut loose and you don't have to have everything in common to become someones friend.
It helps to have similar interests but with an open mind and a willingness to try new things it's not important at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm yes. All answers help, thanks. I can't deny i'm not slightly attracted to her, that's true. But it's a fact that she looks 16, how weird it can be. Anyway, maybe i'm confusing the fancying feeling with the caring feeling.
But I agree it's a bad idea, it's just a bit sad :/ why is she 12 -.-" urgh. In my country and in my town it's hard to find any decent girls just to have them as friends because they're all (most of them) badass non-stop partying and drugs girls, the others are just not friendly at all. I'm 100% against drugs & etc and so you know, I'm the "sex only after marriage" type of guy.
I guess all I want to do is make some new friends, but it's hard in this town. I have a hobby, piano but through it I don't meet many people. In my class most of the people are just crazy and so crazy they're not even the slightest bit nice. I know I'll miss their craziness once i finish my last schoolyear (this year) but they don't see me as a real friend and that won't change, because I'm a gamer, PC freak, music & etc type of guy, while they're really different, they're the type of guys who go out a lot and do crazy stuff and almost never game.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Of course it's okay to be friends with a 12 year old. It's okay to be friends with a ninety year old. The fact that you are posting this question to us here clearly indicates that you DON'T want to be friends with her. You are attracted to her sexually!!!!
You are seventeen and should have more brains in your head to even ask this question. She is a 12 year old child.
You need to go to the concert, keep your eyes to the front, do your thing and go home and let the young girl stay innocent for as long as she can.
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female
reader, tawnyowl  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 She is twelve, still a child...does common sense not tell you that...keep away.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Be honest : no, you would not be happy with " just being friends ", I bet that normally you'd never bother befrending a 12 y.o. kid . You noticed this one not because of her particular depth of thought but because " it was like love at first sight " and "she's so sweet " , translation : she looked good , or maybe she looked hot.
Sincerely : would you be so keen on befriending a common flat- chested ,pimply, braces-wearing 12 y.o. girl ? No right ?
Then, you have your answer, you are attracted to this girl- to this child - and while that's surely not your fault, it would be if you were to indulge this inappropriate attraction.
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female
reader, HawkDoll  +, writes (14 February 2011):
At 12 she is still very immature no matter how mature you think she is. Don't even tempt yourself, there are plenty girls your own age to "befriend".
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Here's why not "love at first sight" "You think i'm crazy to really like this girl that is only 12 huh?"
Dude you're not interested in her as a friend at all, maybe you've convinced yourself that's all it is but you've said "she's so sweet" about a million times in your question. You've made a point of listing out all the ways you can get into contact with this girl and you're asking us is it okay for you to "befriend" this "oh so sweet" 12 year old that you "really like"?
No it's not okay! End of story. You're not interested in friendship with this girl you fancy her and she's fucking 12. You're talking about "settling" for friendship, bullshit dude, that's a load of horseshit you want to know why, because you're already way too fond of her, the way you speak about her she's your muse, so yes any kind of friendship anything like that is extremely inappropriate because all it will do is nurture your feelings for her and that's a no-no.
Have nothing more to do with this girl, do not befriend her people will get suspicious and you know what? They'd be right, because you fancy her, you have a thing for this 12 year old and you're treading very dangerous territory here.
I don't care what the other posters say under no circumstances would a friendship with her be okay because you actually fancy her. If I heard you talking about my little sister the way you talk about this girl in your question I would make it very clear to you what would happen if you even looked at her again.
Do not even consider this man. I'm serious, you're already using the oldest justifications for going too far. You think she's "mature""she doesn't look 12" bullshit she is fucking 12!
You like her too much to be friends with her, if you befriend her bad things will happen. You don't "befriend" people you like but can't have, that's just stupid and I'm actually starting to think you only want to be her friend so you can take it further with her. I hope I'm wrong but no sane person would ever consider what you're proposing.
Just don't. What you want is sick and twisted, find another girl your own age to "befriend".
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female
reader, SusieQ79 +, writes (14 February 2011):
If you try to be friends with her, the problem you will always have is that you are attracted to her. Men and women no matter how old find it very hard to stay "friends" if there is attraction there. And at 17 you are going to find it even harder to keep a lid on those feelings.
And the girl is 12. She isn't even old enough to have a Facebook account. She can't drive, drink, vote or have sex. She may be mature for her age, but she is still a child.
Maybe your paths will cross again when she is older but for now I would most definitely leave well alone.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
 I met a very mature 13 year old once. She was part of a dance troop that performed at a party my friend was hosting. All night most of the guys had their eyes on her. After their performance, some of us went and talked to the dancers, most of whom were adults. Turned out the one most of us had been focused on was only 13. I think you could have heard the thud of our jaws hitting the table...
Regardless of if you do something or not, some things are best left alone. This is one of them in my opinion.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 February 2011):
 There's "mature" and then there's "mature FOR A 12 year old". Big difference.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dirtball i guess so.
She is mature though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Ok well I'm 13 and I am friends with a bunch of people way older than me it is cool to be friends NOTHING more trust me I'm smart ha
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 February 2011):
From the outside, it won't look very good. In a year you'll be considered an adult and she'll be just 13. I'd say that if you really wanted to continue a friendship, make sure other people (like her friends and your friends) are around.
One of my good friends is a bit younger than me. I'm 22 and she's 18. Now that we're both older, its completely fine, but back when I was 18 and she was 14, it really made people uncomfortable. It wasn't until I got to know her parents that they started to trust me and see I was only interested in a simple friendship and wasn't some creep (to this day, she's basically been like my little sister) but that took a while.
So we made sure to hang out in groups whenever it happened. I'd bring my friends, she'd bring hers, and we'd all get to know each other. And we also limited the time we saw each other and limited online interactions, unless it was a simple "How do you do."
So is it wrong? Well no, not explicitly. But I can guarantee it won't be seen that way. You need to be careful about it. I'd honestly recommend waiting until she's older to really start hanging out with her. Until then, its better to just remain acquaintances.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
Looks don't matter, the fact is that she's a child and you're almost an adult. There is a lot of difference that those 5 years make as far as maturity and life experience are concerned.
I would keep things on an acquaintance level until she's older. It's fine to share a nice conversation if you two happen to be in the same place, but anything beyond that should be avoided. It will be for the best in the long run.
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