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If you've just finished, but he says he loves you, is having sex with him the right thing to do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

If you were seeing some one for quite a while and total in love but still a virgin and really thought he was the one to do it with... however you have just recently finished because of certain circumstances but he told you he still loved you... is having sex the right thing to do? because i feel that i can not trust no1 else he was so understanding.

View related questions: still a virgin

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (4 January 2008):

Yos agony auntSince you haven't told us 'the circumstances' we can't really answer you.

But, since you split up with him, the answer is most likely NO. Why? Because you'll probably get hurt in the end doing it this way. One or the other of you will want to be in a relationship and problems will occur. Sex isn't something you can just 'do' without emotion, it pulls people together and stirs up all sorts of feelings you might not be expecting.

I suggest saving yourself for someone you are in a good relationship with, that you plan on staying with (and who plans on staying with you).

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (3 January 2008):

kenny agony auntLosing your virginity is a very special thing and should be done with someone with whom you love with all your heart, and who feels the same way back. If in your heart of hearts you feel that its right then do it. He has already said he still loves you, and it sounds like you love him, so under these circumstances having sex could be the right thing to do.

Hope it works out for you x

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2008):

cd206 agony auntI guess it would depend completely on the circumstances. Were they completely outside both of your controls (ie parents forced you to break up?) If either of you were in any way responsible for the end of the relationship then don't have sex with him. Saying I love you is hard to do. Getting over losing your virginity to an idiot is not. Could he be saying it to get you into bed? Sometimes, especially when we're young people just aren't who we think they are and we need to be careful. If you do decide to have sex with him you need to bear in mind that it's not a quick fix for your relationship and it doesn't mean he'll fall back in love with you and you'll be together forever. If you truly believe he's the one then he always will be and there's no rush to make this decision.

CD

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A female reader, Emaz help United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2008):

Emaz help agony auntno its not the right thing to do!

Your virginity is the only thing that is yours and you can only give it out once, would you really want to give such a precious thing to someone you're not even with?

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