A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I like to make plans, my career is an event manager so naturally i am an organized person who likes to plan things. This has been hard for me because my boyfriend has a 2 yo daughter. I would love to make a plan for a romantic weekend away or even a day trip somewhere but we can't ever do this as he has her every saturday/sunday.His birthday has come up and friday night i organized a hotel room in the city as a surprise and now he is saying the ex wants him to pick up the daughter that night. I feel so crushed, i wanted a special night just the two of us and we can't even do that. I did it friday because every single week he picks her up saturday so i was working around the schedule. If your partner has a child does that mean you can't have any plans to yourself anymore? He hates having a plan and is always so unorganized will it work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have been together for 2 and a half years so its not about pacing.. and if i tell him about the plans then i cant ever surprise him for a birthday etc.
Anyway in the past when he has known about our plans he would always break them if the ex calls to pick her up on short notice. He actually wanted to go to court because she is constantly breaking their plans but she finally realised she doesnt want to go to court (as she has a criminal record).
Im going to try to talk to him about it tonight, just so he listens to my feelings. He has the attitude of its my birthday why do you care if its special but i really had been wanting to do something special and had been thinking about it for months :-(
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 August 2010):
 You can make plans, but you will have to realize that you come second, after the child.
Maybe it would be a good idea if you intend on having a long term relationship with this guy to get to know the Mom a little bit? So you can plan and not get caught up in the middle of things like holidays/birthdays.
If you can't be #2, then you will have to find a guy without children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): before planning what to do perhaps give him notice of your intentions, that way if the ex wants him to have the kid, he'll know to say that he already plans or be able to work about it. I don't think its unrealistic to plan and considering the daughter normally gets picked up saturdays, it is strange that suddenly on his birthday weekend it should be a friday. I'd talk to him again - tell him how important this was for you and how much thought you'd put into it for him. Perhaps he might talk to the ex and reinstate the saturday pick up but don't be too surprised if he doesn't. men, eh, what can ya do?!?!?
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