A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:This is related to this question, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-is-not-looking-for-a-relationship-but.html if you want a bit more backround.We lost touch, with busy lives, and I was a bit sad that I lost someone who potentially we could be good friends with. Anyway, he texted me, and we got back in touch; we saw each other mutually at an event, and we couldn't stop talking to each other, and decided to meet up; we finally did thursday.Here's what I realized; technically we're friends but he keeps going back on the idea of relationships, and it's starting to rattle me, because he keeps on going to the point he doesnt have time for girls, and so on, and only after the meet I realized he was referring to me. Not only that, he mentions how serious of a guy he is, and only goes for serious relationships. As much as he says we're friends, he INSISTS on paying (I haven't paid at all, and I keep offering..), he picks me up...and then I realized it's pretty much half-assed dates instead of a real friend get together. I don't know, it gets obvious to me we both like each other in the same way, though I'd think he'll have no clue because I don't let him know this at all.There's no where to go with this, because we have no common friends, and we're both leaving for schools far away from each other. If we can't be friends, it seems to me I need to let him go, yet if he didn't make things a bit awkward(like picking me up, paying for me) it'd be a great friendship of course. From an outside perspective, I'd say I should probably talk to him that the fact of paying and picking me up is bothering me if we're friends...yet I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I'm not sure if it's worth it to bring this up. I'm not even sure how to bring this up.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (20 June 2009):
 Hey, I read your last post from that link and I have to say that you are really pushing for the relationship angle with this guy when he has clearly told you from the beginning, it ain't gonna happen. You are making this a bit dramatic, I wouldn't take things so seriously. Date other guys and if you have fun hanging out with this one every once in awhile, why not? He's not looking for anything serious with YOU and if it bothers you he pays for stuff, then start contributing your half and remind him you are just friends, really, more to remind yourself because you sound very confused. His feelings won't be hurt. He just sounds like a gentleman and usually decent guys will pay for you when they are the ones asking you to dinner or drinks. Even if they are friends- that's been my experience. I think you are mixing up him paying for things as an indication that he wants a relationship with you or something and that's not the case, okay? He sounds like a nice guy that likes your company but just doesn't see you as a potential girlfriend. That's all. The only thing that's preventing you from staying friends is that you don't seem to be able to accept that that's all this really is- you think he feels the same way about you that you feel for him and that's not what he's told you. He may want an FWB arrangement, possibly, but I don't think that would be good for you because you want a boyfriend from what it sounds like. Good luck! Date other guys.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): If you want to be friends rather than dating, tell him that you just aren't looking to date him. Even if it is a lie if you say you aren't attracted to him, he might back off on being so instent and give room in your relationship for friendship.
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