A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey people I'm 13 years old + I'm going out with a 16 year old guy. I know technically it doesn't matter but I've been told by almost everyone I know that it is "immoral", he is "too old", and I should "stick to people my own age".Please don't give me that crap, its not what I came for. I love him so much, sometimes its true that he acts "too old", but he's always there for me.The only problem is that now he wants our relationship to get physical and I'm scared. I don't know how to give him what he wants. He isn't asking for sex yet, but I can tell what he's thinking. He wouldn't go that far yet. But should I give him what he wants now? Would he dump me for someone his own age if I don't?what should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Ok, glad to hear that, hon. Maybe he is a pretty decent guy after all. You are both pretty young and should wait a while before getting involved too intimately. I figure that if he really cares for you, he will respect that about you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): Hi its Anonymous, thanks again, I talked to him and he has agreed to wait until we're both more comfortable and when I'm a little older.
Love yall and thanks so much :D
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Two things:
1. You shouldn't just give him something he wants if you're not comfortable with it. It's not just about his pleasure, it's both of you, and if you don't want to do it, you don't have to. If he thinks he can make you do things that you don't want to for his pleasure then he clearly doesn't care for you that much. It's good that he doesn't want to go all the way with you yet, but don't let him make you go further than you want to.
2. Age differences can cause friction, I know it's not the same, but I've dated guys 3 years younger than myself and it really didn't work out. However this was because they wanted to go further than I did! (I didn't want to get in trouble because they were underage.)
You need to find yourself a guy who is prepared to love you but move at your pace - he could be 12 or 17 (I wouldn't encourage you to exceed those age limits!)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): I dunno if it'll "verify" me, but I'm the "oiginal poster" of the question (anonymous).
Thanks for all the great advice! I still can't believe the amount of feedback! I am going to try to talk to "X" tonight about our relationship.
And the last issue: I wasn't GOING to have sex with him, guys. Not THAT physical. He and I both know I'm too young for that and I don't want anybody until I'm wayyy older.
Thanks again! And I'm definitely going to join this site for future references ;)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Don't do anything that you're not comfortabel with, if he dumps you for another girl then, he's a bastard! but yeah just go as slow/ fast as YOU want :)
...............................
A
male
reader, cherie38  +, writes (18 January 2009):
forget it hun! he is of the age of sexual concent you are not! do you realise that having sex with him could get him in serious trouble if the authorities found out? it would be classed as rape of a minor! do not do it! for his sake as well as yours x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Anonymous, at your age, thirteen, he IS too old for you. The fact that he is pushing you for more "physical" intimacy shows that he is and that he is also immature for his own age. Guys his age should be dating girls older than you. He is trying to take advantage of you. You may be flattered that someone his age is interested in you, but don't kid yourself. Stay with your principles, and I am assuming by your question that you have some, and if he "dumps" you because of that, then good riddance. As it is now, he is just making it more difficult for you to have a normal life of a thirteen year old girl. And that is a big "theft".
...............................
A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (18 January 2009):
 The question you're asking is the reason why people are telling you he's too old.The truth of the matter is that he may not want more physically, you may just be afraid he does and you're projecting that. Of course most young men always want to push as far as they can. The only way you'll find out is to see what happens. Please don't do anything you're not ready for.
...............................
A
female
reader, FashionistaBaybee +, writes (18 January 2009):
Look - I'm not qonna sit here & tell yu he's too old blah blah blah. yur close the same aqe as me so I understand. but yu do needa knoe that yu shouldn't do anythinq yur not comfortable with. if yu say no & he dumps yu then that's his problem & then yull knoe that he wasn't worth yur time. he should be willinq to wait as lonq as it takes. & dnt worry about this stuff if yur not ready. I was the same way. yu make sure yu have an emotionally connection with him before yu qet a physical one. & when yu qet comfortable with qettn physical then do it. but please make sure yur safe - condoms & birth control. hope I helped =D
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): He's 16, he's immature. There are other guys out there. You're 14, you're too young to resort to sex, just to make him stay with you. I did that before and that is not a good idea. If he moves on, he never cared for you anyway/in the first place. Next.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (18 January 2009):
 I know that you are eager to please him hon but do think about your age. The age gap isn't too far but the maturity level may be. I am not sure that you are completely aware of how having sex so early will affect your life. If you get found out you could wind up in a home and he in a juvinile home or jail. Ask yourself if it's worth taking the risk.
I am sure that if he has been good to you and always been there for you that you care alot for him. I would like to say though that he really cares for you, he WILL NOT push you to do something that you aren't completely comfortable with. You have a right to wait and in my honest opinion it is what you should do. I really believe you won't regret waiting but if you have sex now at so early an age, you are jepordizing alot. YOU COULD WIND UP PREGNANT OR WITH A LIFE TRHEATING DISEASE. You may be dumped and in time you will have developed a horrible image of yourself. Your self-esteem will be the line as well as your self-respect.
Will he dump you for someone older if you don't?
HE MAY DUMP YOU FOR SOMEONE OLDER EVEN IF YOU DO!
Even if he isn't asking for sex straight out, if he is asking for anything sexual other than a simple kiss on the cheek, he has already gone over the line. If you give in to whatever he wants now in no time you will be in OVER YOUR HEAD! Think twice here before you do anything just to please this young man. No matter what you do, he may still walk away leaving you with a broken heart, and leaving you with the pieces to pick up and start again. If you don't know to do this now, you surely won't know how to make it should he walk away. Sometimes once they get the goods, they are gone@! No matter how nice they seem and how close you feel they are. No matter what they tell you or how they act. Not even when you think they are really there for you.
Take your time hon in getting involved sexually. Sez is something that shouldn't be taken lightly and the feelings you have should never be taken for granted. Take your youth slowly and if he still chooses to be there in the end, you may have something special. If not he is bound to move on and then you will see He didn't care enough or he would have waited gladly.
Please allow your parents to be involved in your life. You are heading for fall if you don't watch what you do. Life can get messed up so quickly and sometimes it takes a lifetime to recover. Don't let yourself and your young man go overboard here. Yes he is a bit old for you so you should be chaperoned if you see him at all. It's for your safety and his as well if you think about it.
I PRAY THAT YOU DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE USED OR DEGRADED. CHOOSE WELL WHAT YOU DO, FOR TOMORROW MAY BE TOO LATE TO ACT DIFFERENTLY AND SAVE YOUR SELF FROM A LIFE OF DESPAIR.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
...............................
A
female
reader, goodcharlotte4life +, writes (18 January 2009):
 well i dated a 16 year old at 12. he wanted sex and that was all but at the time i didn't want to give it to him cause i wasn't thinking about sex at that age, sooner or later he dumped me to date on some other chick. and he always cheated on me to have sex with other girls when he couldn't get it from me. i'm 14 now and he is 18. me and him have been dating on and off for 3 years now. i still want give any though. he still keeps dumping me but i am not worried about it anymore. i moved on. maybe you should to. :)
...............................
|
