A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About a week ago a friend told me a friend of him, who I worked with 6 months ago, was interested in me.I did not like him in the first place but I was flattered and now I like him and I want to know more about him.So he added me facebook, and invited me to go to coffee. I did have coffee with him but did not show much interest when he hinted on spending more time together with me. However, I gave my online account to him, hoping we could talk more online, which we did not.I had lunch with him the next day. He was nice, but I was withhold. After lunch, I went to the library, took a nap on the couch, and I woke up in the middle: he put a blanket on me and was about to leave.I was very proud and since he did not show enough affection, I did not show it either.Meanwhile, a friend suggested him to meet another girl and showed pictures of that girl and he said ok.I heard about it, and mentioned it when we met last time.He apologized but I told him I did not mind because we are not in a relationship.I also told him I liked him a little bit but I am not sure if I wanted to date him.I know we are just getting to know each other and I did not offer enough chances for him to spend more time with me. However, I think if he is truly interested in me, he could have talked to me more online, or called me. Since now I know I like him so I flirted with him a little bit last time we had coffee but he did not make a move. I do not understand: if he was the one interested in me, wasn't he supposed to be more passionate? Should I back off because he is not sincere?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 November 2009):
Remember that you weren't interested. He was interested, but backed away when you weren't. Now that you are, he's either being very careful that he doens't get hurt, or he's not interested. There's only one real way to find out though, and that's to talk to him. Tell him you're interested and see how he responds.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 November 2009):
 My guess is that he was interested in you, but you gave him no reason to think you like him back, so he moved on. Why would he think you liked him after these items: "I did have coffee with him but did not show much interest when he hinted on spending more time together with me. However, I gave my online account to him, hoping we could talk more online, which we did not." Did you tell him you like to get to know people online in preference to in person? Most people I think would assume that if you don't want to spend time with them in person, why would you spend any time online with them?
"I had lunch with him the next day. He was nice, but I was withhold. After lunch, I went to the library, took a nap on the couch, and I woke up in the middle: he put a blanket on me and was about to leave." So you witheld any signs of interest and then displayed such boredom with him that you actually fell asleep after lunch? I'm amazed he's still talking to you!
"I was very proud and since he did not show enough affection, I did not show it either." He was being polite and waiting for you to show an iota of interest in him. You have done nothing but ignore him or treat him coldly! Why would he show you affection? So that he could be brushed away?
He had to apologize to you for showing interest in another girl after you basically shot him down? I'm feeling very very sorry for this guy. If you are at all interested in him, you have to give him some indication. Giving him your online account details doesn't count; that's like a brush off: "yeah yeah, you wanna talk? Do it online, buddy, I'm not interested enough to spend time in real life with you." That's the message you're sending him.
Nobody likes rejection; guys or girls, we need to know if there's any hope at all. My analysis is that you didn't give him any hope so he moved on. That is not his fault.
For the next guy, remember that showing a little bit of interest doesn't mean you're heading straight to bed or to the altar. It just gives them enough encouragement to WANT to call you and make plans to see you the next day.
Good luck.
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