A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been talking to this guy on and off for over two years now. We met on an online dating site but never met in person. In the beginning he seemed really interested in a relationship and he talked to me all the time.He would always tell me how beautiful he thought I was. He always made me feel really confident. Now he only texts me once every several months(when its convinient for him). But he always asked for a sex hookup and never really talks about anything else. He tells me how bad he wants me. I did agree to that hookup cause I want him too.However we make plans and he never gets back to me and stops texting me. I never usually text him back when he stands me up for fear of being too pushy. I will always think hes not interested and is done with me, but then a few months later he will text me and do the same thing. Its a viscious cycle. What is this guy's issue? Obviously he doesnt seem interested in more than sex and dont know why since he always declared how great Iam. Why does he keep standing me up on my hookups? If hes not interested why does he tell me he wants me or randomly text me at times. Im confused I dont get it. For some reason I never stop thinking about him.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 The option. In fact , the Option with a capital letter.
A few years ago I shared for a few months an apartment with a younger guy who was an incredible player . We became good friends ( platonic only ! ) and I used to watch fascinated his sinister :) doings. In those few months I got really an education about how male minds ( well, SOME males minds ) works.
I knew that he was spending quite some time flirting and bantering with a certain girl, and the flirting was rather explicit sexually. That went on occasionaly for a few months but they never got together, because - I thought- they both had the typical frenetic lifestyle of young Manhattan metrosexuals- there 's just not much time for real life contact. Until one day, it was Sunday, my roommate and I were home just chilling and I had extorted him the promise to help me doing laundry. The girl calls ,she says that she is home alone all day, and if he wants to come over.... My roomate answers that he would love to, but unluckily he had already committed himself to help his
roommate ( me ) with a very very important project (the laundry ??) He switches the phone off, I tell him, come on don't be silly, call her back and go, I won't mind, I realize she is pretty hot , laundry can wait ". He says :
Oh no, don't worry, she is hot yeah , but I doubt she can show me anything that I haven't seen already , I really don't care,- there's tons of girls everywhere, what do you say if we take the curtains down and we wash them too ?
I was surprised and I asked him why, if his level of interest was so low ,did he bother to keep up the flirting.
And he explained me that every guy needs an Option. If you are not dating someone, by choice or not, then you have to go chasing for hook ups in bars and clubs etc. Which is exciting, but guarantees no result. You may come up empty handied,you may have a string of bad luck. So you keep your Option on the back burner : someone that you are positive will say yes , stroke your ego, fulfill your sex needs upon request. That then in real life you may meet her very seldom, or even never, is irrelevant, because her function is mainly of psychological support- it's like an insurance- you don't really wish to use it, but you like to know it is there.
I have no way to know if you are an Option too, and I wish for you there may be other less depressing explanation, but your post gave me instant recall of this little episode.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Sadly, you're at the bottom of his list perhaps... he sends out several hookup requests... and maybe gets a better offer (could be, someone closer to him... i he's that kind of guy).
Give up, nobody worthwhile treats you like this.
...............................
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