A
male
age
30-35,
*ason361
writes:I figured once I left my ex (the girl I dated for 9 months) whom I had no love too, my world would get better. And for a short period it did. I got great friends, I started new hobbies and I got the chance to fall in love again. As if the universe wanted that...Now, I am dating a girl that, 2 years ago, I messed everything up by sleeping with her best friend while she was on drugs (and broke into my house that night) and then lied about it too cover my ass. She has forgiven me for what happened 2 years ago, and I started to believe that myself. But recently, I feel like after all this time, my wronging her has kept up with me. As if Karma is looking me in the eyes, and laughing straight in my face.Don't get me wrong, when I am with this girl, she is everything too me. I want to hold her, kiss her, cuddle and maybe even ;) you know. But, when I am not with her physically, I don't miss her. I don't care for her, and I don't worry.I feel empty. I'm no longer happy anymore. Not upset, angry or even depressed. Its as if my emotions are all gone, as if someone stole them from me.I cannot seem to care about anybody I am with. 4 relationships like this in 2 years. Should I see a doctor? Or try and work things out myself?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): "I feel empty."
That is depression.
"I'm no longer happy anymore."
That is depression.
"Not upset, angry or even depressed."
Yes, you are depressed.
"Its as if my emotions are all gone, as if someone stole them from me."
This is depression.
"I cannot seem to care about anybody I am with. 4 relationships like this in 2 years. Should I see a doctor? Or try and work things out myself?"
SEE A DOCTOR, AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE FROM BIRTH TO YOUR CURRENT AGE, EVERYTHING BAD, AS WELL AS ALL THE GOOD, BUT PARTICULARLY THE BAD STUFF.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (11 May 2011):
you seem to be feeling very guilty over having cheated on your girlfriend 2 years ago, even though she has forgiven you but you haven't forgiven yourself. Or maybe she hasn't really forgiven you and you can sense it?
if you haven't forgiven yourself, then you're carrying around a huge burden of shame and guilt, and it's associated with your girlfriend, or associated with being in a relationship. In general, if something is causing you to feel a lot of pain or guilt or shame, it's understandable that you may subconsciously "shut down" toward that issue to numb yourself from the pain of the guilt/shame. But when you numb yourself, you may cease to feel anything at all - you no longer can feel joy, or anger, or sadness, you're like a zombie...This could be why when you're with her, you want to shower her with attention and love (maybe subconsciously trying to make up for the wrong you did to her) but when you're not with her, any thought of her is associated with the guilt and shame of having cheated on her so you shut your emotions down and thus feel nothing, i.e. numb....
this is why cheating is so destructive to relationships and can cause permanent damage to relationships. Not only does the cheated-on partner often have an extremely difficult time forgiving (many just can't) but even when they forgive, the partner who cheated may also continue to carry their own burden of guilt that interferes with their life.
Then again, I may be completely wrong about your situation. This may be a relationship or compatibility problem, not a "your lingering guilt" problem. But even if it is due to your guilt, it is still affecting your relationship if you are feeling numb towards your girlfriend.
you could try taking a break from your relationship and see if anything changes or if spending time away from your girlfriend brings more clarity. If you have good communication with your girlfriend, then talk with her about your empty feelings. Maybe they're also stemming from her not having really forgiven you and you two need to work things out in a better way?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (11 May 2011):
Hi there. So are you saying that you are with the girlfriend you were first with, broke up with, then back with her again. Is that right?
It sounds like you might have some physical feelings for her, but not beyond physical attraction. I say this, because you don't miss her or care for her or don't worry about her - when you are not with her.
When you are genuinely in love with someone, you think about them almost constantly in some way, throughout your day. But it is not that way with you.
The four relationships you say you had in the last 2 years, were possibly about you just trying to seek out a relationship that had meaning to you, but they weren't the right ones.
It almost sounds like you really aren't ready for any relationship right now.
And the more you think about it, you start to think that something must be wrong, because you haven't met someone you have real feelings for.
You had the right idea when you started some interesting hobbies, and had some great friends. It seems like this would be by far, your best option - now.
Before you contemplate any relationship in future, get to know yourself a bit better, have fun and just enjoy life.
With relationships, come commitment, compromise and responsibility. You really need to be sure about these things before you go into any new relationship.
There really is no great hurry to find "Miss Right" - no need to hurry at all. You have a whole lifetime to find her.
Live a bit more life first, finish your studies (if you are still studying), travel, and just enjoy yourself.
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