A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help me please! i am so lost i have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and love him with all my heart but on friday night i had way too much too drink and my bf went to work the next morning i woke up in bed with his best friend but i dont remember anything about it!I cant tell my bf it would kill him and he suffers from depression anyway but his frind has recorded me giving him oral and i REALLY cant remember it and now he is trying to black mail me for sex what shall i do ?????????????????
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female
reader, mycryingheart +, writes (21 November 2007):
My advice, go to the police, and then sit down and tell your boyfriend.
This is no friend to your boyfriend, and you'll be doing him a favor by letting him know this. God only knows how many other women this has happened to.
Your blackmailer has no power over you, once you tell law enforcement or your boyfriend. Perhaps once you have spoken with the police your guy will see that you are a victim. By going along with the "friends" demands, it looks like you know you have done something wrong.
Free yourself now from this, it will only cause you and others greater pain the longer it continues.
A
female
reader, maggie1987  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 well tell this lad that if you cant remember doing it and if he doesnt stop blackmailing you , you will tell people yourself what happened and also tell him you think he may have spiked you with something and thats why you cant remember and well see if he leaves you alone from then on. hopefully he will because he wont want people thinking hes spiking girls drinks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): Thank you all so much for all your answers after reading all of them i told my bf this morning ...if u wanna know how he took it im now typing from my laptop coz my pc is a bit unwell at the minute lol
He was more angry at his mate though and has been round had a bit of a scrap and smashed up his fone (where the video was) and then my bf got arrested
i feel really guilty about what i have done but we are going to talk threw it when he gets home...again thanx u lot xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): hi - firstly how are you feeling within yourself about the whole thing?
Ok so i was in a very similar situation to you (having sex/blacking out) I know alot of people are saying you were raped however you need to be very careful about what you say. Im not saying you weren't but I once got drunk (really drunk) slept with a guy and had no memory of it, i went to the doctors and they ran some tests - my alchol level was way to high but there were no drugs found in my system, so be careful.
Did you actual have sex with him? (a woman usualaly knows when shes had sex) Was this guy drunk aswell? Has he explained in anyway his actions or motivation for doing this? - For all you know I could have planned the whole thing to get back at his mate!
If i were you I would tell your b'f, explain what happened, what you remember and how you feel. Yes hes going to be pissed but if hes listens to what you have to say then im sure he will focus his anger towards his mate. You might want to promise to not drink so much/at all when you go out to try and pursuade your b'f to believe that this was a mistake that you NEVER want to make again.
Once everything is out in the open - go to the police, they probably wont arrest him (unless they find some evidence that foul play has happened) but he might get a caution, and thats all these people sometimes need to stop playing there silly little games.
Tell the truth and be strong. If you are seriously considering the fact that he took advantage (ie date rape) go to your doctors/womans centre and get checked out they can usually advise you on what course of action you should take.
Hope this helps
Take Care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): Yeah tell him girl cause he just might tell him then it will be to late. He will be so pissed. Do the right thing and tell him or you will lose him. If he loves you he will believe you and work it out with you.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Hi,
that is some best friend your boyfriend has .
If you have a strong committed relationship with your boyfriend then you should tell him what happened. His best friend took advantage of you when you were drunk. This is the lowest of the low. This will tell you what type of man your boyfriend is as well, if he believes his mate you are best of with both of them out of your life.
At worst this man raped you. At best you two had sex while you were so out of it you cant remember. You should never allow yourself to get into this situation again, if you black out while drinking chances are someone else will take advantage of you and you could end up pregnant or with a venereal disease.
At the end of the day you have to tell your boyfriend and if not someone else an older brother or someone you trust, but you have to tell someone,this scumbag cannot be allowed to get away with this.
Good luck, and be strong.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (19 November 2007):
 You're in a tight spot. You should never be forced into having sex against your wishes. That's a form of rape.
If he is threatening to show your bf the tape he produced dare him to do it. All it would show is what kind of scumbag he is to his so-called best friend, not only taking advantage of you but filming it to force you to have sex with him. And what kind of satisfaction would the scum bag get? He loses a friend, and doesn’t get to have you. Whoopee! I showed them the tape!
So what if you did sleep with the scum bag? How do you think you can get away with it behind your bf's back? How long can you have yourself trapped in that scene? Are you going to love yourself by fucking this guy just to keep your life stable with your bf? That's the road to insanity!
Don't fall into this trap whatever you do. Your only possible sane way out of this is to confess what happened to your bf and hope for the best. SO have some courage and self-respect. Do the right thing, after doing the wrong thing.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 November 2007):
 If you don't remember, you were too drunk/drugged for anything sexual, and I would tell your guy he raped you...because that's what it is. even if it sounds/looks consensual on the tape, you have to explain to your guy that that wasn't your usual state at all, you blacked it out, which means you were way too far gone and was OBVIOUSLY taken advantage of, cause what kind of best friend blackmails his bestfriend's girlfriend? the sex and the blackmail is manipulative and disgusting and you have to tell your bf before he does, but you're best to frame it in a rape/assault context, in which case he wouldn't even WANT to see his best friend doing this to you, he'd be furious enough, I know i'd probably vomit if i saw a friend sexally taken advantage of. good luck, please let us know what happens..
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 November 2007):
 This is a real difficult situation. First, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. This is his friend, no I don't think so. Also let him know when you do, black mailing in exchange for sex is a prosecutable offense. He could tell your boyfriend. But he can also go to jail for a sex crime as well. If you were out of it and was incoherent in making a decision for the oral sex, that could be looked at as a rape, if he knew you were not in a good position. Let him know that this is ending now, or he'd better practice not dropping the soap.
Tell his friend also that he needs to disappear from your and your boyfriends life. No friend expects this. Now you may need to tell your boyfriend what happened. Not telling him and living with this secret could cause long term harm to your relationship.
Now you know what can happen when you drink. If something like this happens again, you'll have to take full blame for your actions. I'd think twice about how much I'd party in the future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): how can you be sure the woman on that tape is you?
My advice is to get hold of that tape and destroy it. The moment you can.
But you will have to tell your bf. If you play it like you were drunk and the guy took advantage of that, then the guy is at fault mostly... not completely... but mostly.
And stay away from the alcohol and manipulative bastards.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): if you really can't remember it at all then its possible you were drugged, especially if he is blackmailing you, and he has you recorded..sounds a little planned. If thats the case then your bf should understand, being drugged is serious and you would have no way to avoid it especially if you were drunk and trusted the peopel you were around. If you honestly do not remember it happening it sounds like your were drugged so i would confront you bf's best friend and tell your bf what a asshole his best friend is
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): He RECORDED it?
Man, what a douchebag of a "best friend" your BF has there.
I don't know what to tell you. Have you done this kind of thing before? Do you often lose control & memory from drinking incidents?
And the whole thing kinda sounds like a setup.
Have you actually seen the tape of you giving the friend a BJ with your own eyes, or is he just claiming that it exists? How do you know he didn't fabricate the story of what you did? (And if you haven't seen the tape, then how do you know he didn't flat-out drug you and just rape you against your will, for that matter?)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): I know you don't want to tell him
but you should tell him before his friend tells him okay
and tell your bf that ur sorry and everythin you should just tell him the truth
trust me truth is better then just playin what he doesn't know won't hurt him
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